Can you create a funny (or not) story using these 6 phrases? (Try it its fun)!?

Question

1) Her cheeks were flushed a shade that Revlon coud never replicate.
2) Polotics, schmolotics! Didn't they tell you I only read the funnies?
3) I HATE (men/women) that think they're smarter than me.
4) They both loved Yahoo! Answers.
5) I'm investigating the murder of_____________
6) In the end it didn't really matter!

Answer 1

Dodge City, Kansas
Circa 1876

(2) "Politics, schmolotics! Didn't they tell you I only read the funnies?" And with that, Doc Adams got up from the table leaving Hillary Crackhead and John Scarey to discuss the article in the town newspaper ........Doc steered clear of politics. He stuck to what he knew best........digging bullets out of Marshal Matt Dillon and drinking free beer over at the Longbranch Saloon. Which did he prefer?......(6) In the end it didn't really matter! Both experiences left him feeling real satisfied.

As he made his way over to the saloon he walked past Revlon Rumstead and her daughter, Mascara. He couldn't help but notice the youth and freshness of Mascara. (1) Her cheeks were flushed a shade that Revlon could never replicate. Yes,Revlon was definitely aging. "Poor old hag," Doc thought to himself. "Ladies....and how are two of the prettiest ladies in Dodge?" Revlon giggled and squeezed Doc's arm. She gave him a "come hither look." Doc just rubbed his face as is his wont, and ambled into the Longbranch.

Once inside he spotted Matt over at the bar. He walked over just as Matt said to the cowpokes who had gathered around him:
(5) "I'm investigating the murder of Tom Peckersmith." ( Tom was the Town Stud who just last week had tried to hit on Sunshine MacGillicutty, Matt's new girlfriend. Matt's former girlfriend was Miss Kitty Russell, owner of the Longbranch.)
All the men just mumbled and shook their heads. "Are you telling me you know NOTHING about this?" One of them piped up..."That's what we're a' tellin' you, Marshal. Now step aside....me and my friends are thirsty!" Matt spoke again: "What about this new man in town....'Yahoo! Answers? Anybody know anything about him?" The men just shook their heads.

Matt turned away from the bar and looked in the direction of Flossie and Ellie Sue.....two of the girls that worked for Kitty.....he knew that (4) they both loved Yahoo! Answers. Ol' Yahoo had been seeing both of them and promising each the moon. When Matt walked over to question them, they paniced . They did not want to answer any questions about the handsome ,young Yahoo! Answers. In order to evade Matt, they jumped up on a table and started dancing cheek to cheek!! A roar went up from the crowd as all the men gathered around to stare and fantasize about the two dancing women. Matt grunted again as he took one look at the spectacle and headed out the swinging doors. "(3) I HATE women that think they're smarter than me." He shook his head in disgust......
"Just what Dodge needs," he muttered to no one in particular. "A pair of lesbian dancehall girls!!!" And with that, Matt Dillon went back to his office, to try and figure out who dunnit!!

TO BE CONTINUED, IF YOU CHOOSE TO POST ANOTHER LIKE-QUESTION.

Answer 2

I'm investigating the murder of Jimmy Hoffa. I HATE women that think they're smarter than me. Her cheeks were flushed a shade that Revlon coud never replicate. Polotics, schmolotics! Didn't they tell you I only read the funnies? They both loved Yahoo! Answers. In the end it didn't really matter!