Will I ever forget?!?

Question

Been with my fiance for 4 years.

During the first year he cheated on me. He acted indifferent towards me for about a month - eventually I caught him on a date with another girl. I confronted him, we had massive arguments, I tried to end it.

But here we are 4 years later. He had to work VERY hard to get me back on his side - it was probably a year before I trusted him again.

We're extremely happy now and I've had to accept what he did.
He has grown up enormously over the last 3 years and done a great deal to gain my trust back. Our relationship has been a lot stronger since his infidelity.

However, as much as I love him - it's still always there at the back of my mind. Even as we plan our wedding,......

Has anyone been through anything similar? Do you ever forget?

Answer 1

no you will never forget. good thing though that you have learned to forgive. they say that how can you forgive without forgetting? but sadly, yes, it will always be at the back of your mind. You know the analogy of trust with a glass, that once broken you can never bring it back to its original self even how hard you try to put the pieces back together? sadly, it's true.

but the real challenge is to channel whatever negative thoughts that may come your way into a positive one. think of how much he has changed since you last caught him. think of how much he has proven his love for you. think of how much he tried so hard to gain back your trust. think of how much he loves you.

yes, painful memories do leave scars. but just like after a wound has been healed, you never should dwell on it. like the scars in our kness we got when, say, we fall, it's there with us forever not to be bitter on why we got the scar, but to remember how we fought hard to stand up and move on after the fall.

Answer 2

You will never forget you just have to learn to accept.

I am going through a similar situation with my husband right now and we are in the indifferent phase. I have actually read lots of books and I thought that I had to end it or forget it.

The truth is that acceptance is the way to go, you won't forget, hell you may not even forgive but you have to accept.

You have to go down the path of accepting what he has done and where you are now, it will never go away it will always be something you deal with. However, as you draw close to your BIG day, it might fade, you obviously realize how much he has changed, just allow yourself to feel the good and don't consistently bring up the past and "throw it in his face".

If he truly has changed, accepted it as bad behavior and that your love is stronger than a one time incident, you may just create an even stronger bond.

Answer 3

This is a complicated decision. Being myself if a boyfriend ever cheated on me I could not work it out no matter how much I loved them I would never get over it. you also have to wonder if someone was really in love with you they would not be able to cheat because no one would even compare to you. With that said I dated a guy for 3 years and I cheated on him once. I felt so guilty I even told him and I regretted it. We ended up trying to work things out and I never did it again because I truly loved him and knew I had made a mistake. Some people can make mistakes and regret them but it is a little different for men than women. I would definitely consider counseling before marriage if I were you and also make sure you have this cleared before you get married. The last thing you want is to take a trip to divorce court that would be worse than calling off a wedding.

Answer 4

I had a similar situation about a year ago. It is very hard to forget. Im still trying and doing a very good job of keeping it off my mind. I hope that one day it will eventually go away and i can put full trust in my husband again. One thing that is helping me get over it is that we are moving out of the state that the trouble happened in and far away. I find it comforting that we wont be anywhere near this girl that almost ruined our life together.

Answer 5

I've been through that. I caught my husband in bed w/another woman. This was way before we were married. I have forgiven him but unfortunately I will never forget it. I made the decision to stay with him after because I love him and if you love your fiance enough you won't let that come between you. It sounds like he regrets what he did. And if he has more than made up for it then you should try not to think about it, as hard as that is. Good luck!

Answer 6

i am separated myself but my sister is in a similar situ as you. i can only say what i see with my sister, she has never truly forgave him she brings it into their life in arguments and if he goes out she is suspicious. Jealousy is like a poison your fella has been faithful for the last four years now and your talking of mar rage it is hard to forget if you have been deeply hurt but you cant give over your power to the past i heard a talk recently and it had the illustration of driving a car how you have to take quick checks in the rear veiw mirror to keep an eye on what might come up but if you look to long what happens to your steering
Dont let your past ruin you future, work at looking forward you said you knew before that he was distant so trust that you will know if it happens again but dont wait for it to happen
Trust is the glue that keeps relationships together

Answer 7

No, you never forget, but people make mistakes. Granted, that one is a beauty. Nevertheless, it's a mistake and the objective now is to learn and grow from it. Maybe it's in the back of his mind too. Maybe he didn't realize how special you were to him until he was confronted with the very real possibility of life without you. Sometimes you have to tear it all down to make room to build something stronger in its place. Life can be like that sometimes.
No, you never forget, and you shouldn't, lest you forget the lessons learned, which you both take with you on your journey together through life. Forgiveness may be divine, but wisdom comes through experience.

Answer 8

No I don't think you do, the sad part is you now know he is capable of deceiving you and nothing is to say he won't do it again. You can only try and put it behind you, I always think everyone deserves a chance, if he really loves you it will not happen again, if it does you have your answer. The fact is he is with you and it is you he is marrying, you have to move forward and be stronger from what you've been through. At least if there is a next time you'll know what to do, hopefully there won't be.

Answer 9

If you want your marriage to work, you had better let it go. a marriage is a start to a new life. If you do not, and can not let it go and fully trust him, then you shouldn't get married..... if you dont have trust you dont have anything. sorry, but yes, been there done that. I was the one who cheated, I felt horrible and still do, but I had to win my then boyfriends trust..... he is now my husband and we have a wonderful relationship and are best friends..... it can work if you let it and you will be very happy for it....... you have grown a lot together and have been through a lot,, it always makes you stronger and smarter. good luck.

Answer 10

You didn't HAVE to accept what he did, you chose to. And now you are planning to spend the rest of your life with him.

Only you know if you truly have forgiven him, and whether he is worthy of that forgiveness. If you are sure that marrying him is what you want, then go for it.

You will never fully forget, but do remember that the problems that you recovered from have been resolved, and that you will be happier moving forward rather than looking back. You will learn to live with the past, and like grieving, it will soften and fade in time.

If you're not getting cold feet, then congratulations, and I wish you a beautiful future together.