Does a mother/ wife have to sacrifice her happiness for the sake of her family?

Question

When I was with my ex-husband and daughter, I found that I did not feel any happiness. I gave up my happiness for my ex-husband and child. Is this normal?

I could not buy things for myself freely within our means or keep in touch with my family or relatives. I was also compared constantly with other women of my age and his sisters. They were always better than me.

Answer 1

No,

You do have to make sacrifices for a family, but you still have to reserve time and money for yourself. If you don't then that will lead toward insanity.

Children demand a lot of time, especially when they are young. But, that doesn't mean to say that you can't have demands of your own.

I don't like the idea of your ex-husband comparing you to his sisters and other people, I especially hate the idea of you being controlled so tightly by your spouse. I am making a snap judgment here, but I see some of the classic signs of a wife abuser. He may not have beaten you, but he took unfair advantage of you.

When a man forces his wife to sever connections with her family he does so to make her dependent on him and him only. When a man starts comparing his wife to others too often it is as sign of abuse. Sure person A, B, and C can do some things better than you, that is true of any subset of people. However, your ex-husband was picking and choosing the best from each group. His sister might be a better cook than your are, or might clean the house better, but she probably won't measure up to your standards in other areas. If he finds other women so appealing then I would tell him, "Shove it, and go ahead and marry her!"

Clearly you did something like that since he is your ex, but now your are feeling guilt for leaving him. Some of the fault does lie on your shoulders, but I am willing to bet a large sum that most of the fault lies on the shoulders of your ex-husband. You got out of a bad relationship after you got forced into the habit of taking the blame. This too is a classic action of the spouse abuser. They try to make your responsible for the failures in both of your lives and indirectly for the faults in his life. Of course I could be way off on this one, but I don’t think that I am. If so then contact me via my Avatar and set me straight.

Answer 2

Naw, thats not normal. Family should bring you happiness. You should never be compared to any one else, because you are your own person. You should never loose touch with the rest of your family because of someone else. Im sure your daughter is missing out not knowing the rest of her family and thats not fair to her. Shes loosing out on XMas presents, and birthday ones too. As long as your arent buying crack, trashy outfits, and getting willie drunk you should spend on yourself a little. Dont give up, look again. Family does not always mean that you have to loose happiness.

Answer 3

Being a parent (dads as well as moms) means that there will be situations when you sacrifice for your kids. As for sacrificing for a spouse, that is a lesser obligation than sacrificing for the kids and besides, that should be a two-way street (husbands sacrificing for wives as well as wives sacrificing for husbands). But what you describe sounds so extreme as to constitute emotional and psychological cruelty on your husband's part. Always remember and never forget that you need to have some of you in order to be able to give of yourself to your kids.

Answer 4

No you should never completely sacrafice your happiness. If you do that then you have nothing to live for. You need to compramise and do what is best for everyone. You will need to make some sacrafices but not all of your happiness. Its ok to buy things for yourself and to keep in touch with your family. Do nice stuff for yourself when you can afford it. Obviously make sure bills and baby and that stuff is taken care of first. Then if you got a few extra bucks why not get yourself a new shirt or something.

Answer 5

I think that most women who are mothers/wives feel that they should. But in reality, making yourself unhappy makes your family unhappy.

I've had this problem in my marriage, and now my husband is filing for a divorce. I am starting to realize that maybe taking a little bit (of time, money, whatever) for myself would have been a good idea. (Of course, it's too late now, lol)

Answer 6

Sounds like you were being controled some what. Your feelings maybe confused with that issue. As for giving up happiness,, Is it being able to go to a bar or go to school or what? I need more info. I have two kids and there isn't anything I wouln't do to make them happy other than go back to their dad and that wouldn't make them happy becasue they know he makes me miserable! So what did you have to give up. Email me if you want.

Answer 7

I also sacrifice everything I have for my kids. But, saying that you can't keep touch with your family. That's a prison. Sounds like you not only left your husband but it sounds like you left your child. I think that is selfish. Don't ever lose your bond with your child you will regret it forever.

Answer 8

dear friend, Mother & wife Both are very important role in every man's life. I like both mother &wife and give respect both of them. In My view Mother is creator , she gives life to us & wife is friend and help in daily routine life. So a man's life is depending upon both of them.

Answer 9

Back to the ex again? time to move on, dear....give it a rest and stop bemoaning the poor poor pitiful me act. Your life is up to you, not him any more...grab it by the horns and go for it. And stop with the "could nots," the "gave up my life for my child, " etc. No one wants to deal with baggage like this, it is destructive and harmful to you and others. Stop it now!

Answer 10

I think when a woman has children....her job is to find happiness for the sake of her children.

Usually that means putting them first.

He's your ex-husband....who cares about him anymore.