My ex-husband still thinks that he is married to me and that he can control me.
He constantly tries to tell me what to do. He also still cares for me in his own way.
Yet, I don't remember any positive good moments from our life together.
What steps can I take to make him forget me? He has tried to move on but not been able to.
2007-05-02 09:27:25 · 16 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sometimes people have a hard time letting go...especially if they were "dumped" and the other person was the "dumpeer".
Why are you still in contact with your ex? The only reason I can think of is if you have children. But if you don't , it sounds strange.
As for the steps to make him forget you, there's not much you can do. He has to work at it and it's his decision if he wants to or not. (Maybe he feels he can win you over again, or that you'll repent and come back to him. You know him better than we do.) Maybe he should try therapy so he can deal with the issues that keep him close to you.
What you can do, however, is to limit the contact you have with him.
If you have children, then limit your conversations to strictly the children's wellbeing.BUT... If he tries to ask you personal questions or to inquire about your plans or if you are dating someone, tell him to stop it because you are divorced. Period. Don't let him make you feel guilty, either.
Good luck....
2007-05-02 09:40:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First answer was exact!! That is not your problem to help him. He will get over it in his own time. I don't understand how you say he thinks he can control you. Do you have kids together. If I didn't have children with my ex I would talk to him at all. If he calls you, hang up. There is no reason for him to know ANY of your business. If you do have kids together then keep all conversations about the kids and that is it. Don't offer him any info about you at all and if he asks you can flat out refuse to answer!! Plain and simple.
2007-05-02 09:35:59 · answer #2 · answered by misbotta 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex can control you and intimidate you only as much as you let him. Try standing up to him. How about mailing him a copy of your divorce papers?
Your ex will probably not forget you. What you can hope that he does is move on.
Bossing you around and telling you what you can or can't do is not caring. It's bordering on verbal abuse. if it continues, talk to a lawyer about a restraining order.
2007-05-02 10:10:25 · answer #3 · answered by emt_me911 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not return any call via Internet- or phone. Do not in any way give him an "in" on what your plans are or what your doing. If indeed he is not getting past you then YOU need TO SET UP the ROAD BLOCKS. you ALSO must STOP receiving and dealing with the negativity. Until you can make one step of progress of not letting him in to your daily activities then the ties will continue and he will ALWAYS have the winning edge over you.
2007-05-02 10:40:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother had a similar issue when my parents divorced. Even though my dad was the one to file and even re-marry he still thought he could "control" my mom. She realized she had to be straight forward and "rude" with him. When he'd call and raise his voice at her, she'd hang up on him. When he'd come by and if he started arguing with her, she'd leave or go inside the house and lock him out. It took him a long time but he finally caught on. It's just something that takes time to realize and learn. Best of luck!
2007-05-02 09:39:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to say anything. Next time he tells you to do something, make a fist, hold it out to him, the back of your hand facing him, and then raise your middle finger. If he orders you to do something particularly egregiously, perform the same gesture, but use both hands. Do not smile when you do this.
2007-05-02 09:34:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have children, there should be no contact. If you do, make your discussions only about the children, and when he gets off of the subject, tell him to call back when he is ready to discuss the children.
2007-05-02 09:34:12 · answer #7 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you have children together then find another guy...he'll back off quick. if there are no kids just stop talking to him, don't communicate with him your ex's. If you don't bother with him then he'll have no choice but to move on.
2007-05-02 09:34:27 · answer #8 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop communications with him unless you have kids together, and even then only talk about the kids. Everytime he butts in say. Could you please stop that. Be strong and remember NO ONE can control you unless YOU let them!
2007-05-02 09:35:34 · answer #9 · answered by openminded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move as far away as possible and don't leave a forwarding address with him or a phone number!!!!
2007-05-02 10:06:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋