I had a baby and am not with the father. What are the chances he can get custody if I don't want him to?

Question

My child's father has been threatening me to get cusotdy of our baby so that he won't have to pay much child support. I live in Minnesota. The waiting list for court is a year and I don't have money for a lawyer and he's rich. I don't want him to have any custody, AT ALL! What should I do??? I'd rather go without child suport than have him get any custody. I cry myself to sleep every night!! He's not on the birth certificate and keeps demanding a paternity test so he can have her. What are the chances that an ummarried couple would get shared custody if the mother doesn't want it??

I would like him to have visitation. I would NEVER deny my daughter the right to know her father, I just don't want him raising him. i want her to know her father but his lifestyle and lack of morals are not good for a little girl. He has ZERO emotions and will admit that. He has called her a pussy and a spoiled b*itch and she's only 4 months old! He owns his own company and told me he will hide all of his income. I just want to run away.

Answer 1

As long as you are a good mother, and aren't found to be unfit I say you have nothing to worry about. The court isn't going to care how much money he has especially when they hear how he talks about her. He is just trying to manipulate and scare you. Don't give him the satisfaction.

Answer 2

I'm guessing that the court would not look just at how rich the father is but how poor the mother is. Strengthen your position by doing a realistic inventory of the factors in your life that insure a stable household for you and your child.
What is your family doing in all of this? Where are they?
You need to have all of this thoroughly discussed with a lawyer. Bring a person with you to take notes! Just like going to the doctor when you have a life-threatening illness, it helps to have a person to write down what is being said so you can refer to it later for information, do the same when you visit the lawyer, if you possibly can. A lot of terms and facts are going to be thrown at you and you have to keep track!
A lawyer is costly but that is the way of the legal system.
You say you want your ex-bf to have visitation. If you have shared custody with this man, wouldn't your child benefit. In other words, the statement that you want him to have NO custody - is that statement coming from the bitterness of the relationship?
You say that he wants custody but I doubt that he could get full custody if you are a fit mother with a suitable home environment for raising a child. If you are not that or you don't have that, you have to put aside your bitterness and acknowledge that the child's father may have something to offer here in the child's best interest.
Frankly, you are idiotic to say that you would rather go without child support than have him get any custody. A lawyer would be the first person to tell you that, and so would anybody with a brain in their head. Do you have a career? Do you a safe, supportive environment for this child? Are you living with another guy now (please, tell me you are not!).
Stop, think. Learn from your mistakes. Stop doing what you are doing if you haven't learned this: you will keep ending up where you are if you keep going in the direction that got you there to begin with.

Answer 3

There is almost NO CHANCE AT ALL that you will lose custody of your child. Because the court knows that one of the most detrimental things that can ever happen to a child is to take him away from his mother. Unless of course you are an unfit mother. He sounds like he is being a complete and total *** and that he just doesn't want to have to pay child support. I would go ahead and give him the paternity test, and that way you CAN get child support from him, but unless you completely trust him, then I would definetly fight his right to see him. Otherwise do a limited visitation of sorts, like once a week or every other week-end. Doesn't matter that he's rich. There are lawyers and law firms out there that will do pro bono cases and or you MAY be able to get free or low payment for a good attorney. Good luck.

Answer 4

Well, to begin with if the father has not caused the child harm or been abusive you should revisit the reason why you don't want him to see his child. A lot of times because of our hurt and dissappointment we use our children as weapons against the other parent. This is not good or fair to the child. As far as custody, well most courts will not yank a child from his mother for no reason. As long as you can prove that you are able to provide for your child and have a stable living environment the judge will not remove the child from you. The judge may however grant joint custody. Which usually equates to one parent having the child during what is considered the school year and the other during the summer, and share holidays. As far as the paternity, well you owe it to your child to know who her father is. As difficult as it may seem every child deserves and desires a mom and a dad. The two of you need to talk and come to a conclusion about the situation taking your own selves out of the mix and thinking about what's best for your child.

Answer 5

I suggest you do some research on custody battles. Don't represent yourself though; you will lose for sure. To me it does not make sense. He wants custody so he does not have to pay child support. He will have to support the child if he has custody of her. You could try shared custody just to get ammunition on how unfit he is to be in his child's life. I just read more of your question. Well if he is going to be that way, then go without the child support. You can always sue for back support in the future. Since he wants a paternity test, is he questioning whether or not he is the father? You could always sue anyway and if you win your case, he can pay your attorney's fees. This is ugly. He's got money and he doesn't want to support his child because you have the child, yet he wants the child. Try to appeal to his pockets and ask for the bare essentials. Provide documentation that the money you spend is strictly on the baby and not you in any way. He sounds very unreasonable, so he may not go for it. Most important, do not give him any ammunition to say you should not have custody; any at all.

Answer 6

You need a family attorney. If you can not afford one get Legal
Aide to help you. The mother usually always gets custody. Unless she is unfit. This means if the child is being neglected.
Not properly taken care of. Or if the mother is an abuser or drug addict or does not get medical treatment for the child
when needed. If the child is left alone or not fed , then yes the father could have a chance. Don't let him bully you just because he has money. Document everything he says, all
messages to you and keep tract of the child's expenses. He
will have to pay child support after he is proven to be the father.
You can hopefully work something out in mediation with him.
Call Legal Aid and they will advise you on everything you have to do. It will work out! Try not to worry too much. My
prayers are with you. Keep your Faith!

Answer 7

You need to make a choice between the money and the custody! The courts will not issue an order for support without granting visitation rights to the payee. Even if he is a convicted child abuser or molester, the courts will order that his visitations be supervised by a court appointed party. If he is ordered to pay support, the law mandates that he have the right to visitation. If you don't want him to see the child, drop the request for support and disappear. There are no other options. Keep in mind though, that he may seek you out for visitation and/or custody as well. A man has a legal right to demand paternity testing for rights to a child that he believes is his. No judge will deny him the right to know. Good Luck!

Answer 8

You should contact your local child support enforcement agency. They can assist you with paternity establishment, establishment and enforcement of a support order at little or no cost. The father has to file papers through an attorney to go to court to get custody/visitation. The court will hear the matter and the Judge will enter an appropriate order. Most men do not get custody and those that don't support their children very seldom do either. I hope this helps. Threats such as his are very common and are intended to keep you from seeking support.

Answer 9

He is already paying child support. He has the right to establish paternity.

If don't want to lose custody, you have to show that you are a fit mother, ie, no drug or substance abuse problems, no affairs with men who are dangerous to your child. Not having money is not a huge concern to have custody.

But he does have the right to see his child and the court will establish that. Because you deny him his rights, that's why he is threatening you. Too late to say he isn't the father now.

Answer 10

If you have a safe place for the baby to live and have no drug or criminal background; the favor would most likely go to you im sure of it. He will have to pay child support somehow do not worry about that even if he has shared custody he would have to pay. The court will go in your favor you have been caring for the baby this whole time; hes just trying to intimidate you.

Answer 11

If paternity has not been established, I highly doubt there is a child support order in effect.
Either way, why would you deny your child their rights to know their other parent? Unless there is some danger to the child, withholding "visitation" from the other parent is extreme child abuse and very narrow-minded, regardless your personal feelings for the father.
Something tells me there's a whole 'nuther side of this story.