I am afraid to get married ???

Question

We've been together for 10 years and we have a daughter together.
He's been talking about marriage but I am afraid to go through with it.
It's not because I don't love him, I do... very much.
I just don't see the need to get married at this point.
We are married in every way that matters except Legally.

Would you be able to stay with someone forever without marriage ?? or is marriage now mandatory ??

Answer 1

i completely understand your fear. there are some advantages to being married. for example, if one of you was in the hospital and unable to make decisions for yourself, your "spouse" would be able to. If you are not married, in some states, the "next of kin" would be called to make decisions regarding your health (next of kin COULD be a parent or sibling).

I think many people fear that if they are happy, why rock the boat? and i tend to agree.. though the legal advantages might be more in favor of marriage.

in this day and age, i don't think it's necessary for you to get married because you have a child, unless you live in a small town that is conservative and you feel that people would shun the child.

have you considered WHY you don't want to get married? is it simply the big ceremony is overwhelming... too many people, etc? is it because you feel that everything will change? If you feel overwhelmed by the big wedding thing, you could always elope, just the 2 of you to some place special.

if your boyfriend is insisting, i would suggest a few sessions of couple's counseling.

Answer 2

Sweetheart, marriage isnt mandatory to be with someone forever but it does provide security for some people. Your partner might need that security. If you look at from a different view, then why not get married? The two of you have been together for 10 years so make it legal. It isnt necessary but it might ease your partner's mind. Talk to your partner about this matter and think it through.

Answer 3

Well, dear, I like the advice someone on here gave: go to a lawyer and draw up a will. Make sure you have life insurance on each other. This covers the disbursement of assests should one of you pass on, it also provides some cash for transition and the child's security.

Why does he want to get married? So you can get divorced? My divorce lawyer wants two grand up front.

Is it because he sees marriage as ownership? Or a partnership? What is he trying to commit to that he isn't already committed to?

If you're not comfortable, and he plans on being there anyway, don't do it. Eventually you may feel the time is right for marriage.

Answer 4

If marriage is important to someone, then it will always be important to them and I doubt they will ever be satisfied with just living together. It's more than just a piece of paper and a piece of jewelry; it is a public committment. It is a status (being able to say, "wife" instead of "girlfriend"). It is, for many, the center of a family. Marriage is not mandatory if BOTH people are satisfied with not being married, but it one wants marriage....well, you're going to have to seriously examine why you're not willing to take the plunge. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to get married. But if it's something he needs and something you will never be able to give him then you need to be honest so HE can make an informed choice. You don't want him to stay with you but resent you always for never marrying him.

Answer 5

I think you need to think why you are afraid of marriage. Marriage is only a blessing from God over your relationship. Nothing will change. People dont take marriage very serious nowadays and I hate it. If you love him and he loves you then do it. It might mean the world to him to get married. People think too much into do's and dont's about marriage ie what if this happens and this. Do what you both want. Sit down and talk this over with your partner he might beable to help you

Answer 6

Marriage is not mandatory at all. If you are happy the way you are, then stay that way.

I personally would be able to stay with someone forever without marriage. It can be done.

Answer 7

Do you want to be committed to him? If so then do it. I think alot of people need to know that the other person is in it for the long haul and that they are both responsible for keeping the marriage alive, I mean thats why you have friends and family at your wedding, its to hold you accountable for your vows and the love you have for each other. Its it big step, but it says alot, not only to your husband, but to your daughter as well.

Answer 8

you dont have to get married to him.you have been together for 10 years that is like being married and you a have a daughter together.you should ask him what he wants if he cant respect the fact that you are scared well then does he love you.it may make him feel like you will be his forever and ever and that marriage is something special to share with your soul mate

Answer 9

All I can say is that one piece of paper carries a lot of weight. Ten years is along time to be someone's partner or common law - when you are already married in everyway except like you said legally - what is the problem with making it legal?

Answer 10

Well! To get legally married is to feel the sense of security, sense of belonging, looks like he is a nice guy, he has checked you out and is confident to take this big step, you should be proud of him.
I can understand you are getting cold feet, that's normal we all do both man and woman, that's natural.
I think you should be happy about it and celebrate the event.
Good luck