How can I leave?

Question

I live with a man. We're not married. We have a 2 year old child and I am a stay at home mom with no money set aside. I am considering leaving him but haven't 100% made up my mind yet. I (we) have a lot of issues to try to work through. I am almost $10,000 in debt, mostly due to living expences and home repairs. The home isn't even in my name but he asked me to put things on my card. He gives me some spending money and pays some on the bills each month. My question...If I decide to leave, what do I do? I have no friends. My family lives in another state. BTW, I am 39 years old so moving home with mom or dad really isn't an option. How do I put myself in a position where I can take care of me and my child so I don't have to worry about him taking her away due to my inability to care for her? My previous jobs were in the bar/club industry and retail. He has offered to put me through school next spring. He doesn't know that I am thinking about leaving. I haven't told him yet.

To give a little insight, here is my part of my previous question.....My fiance and I have lived together since Aug '02, dating since about Mar '01. We have a 2 year old child. When we met he said that he had never been married and had no kids. I later found out that he HAD been married for 18 years with 2 kids. He then told me that they had been seperated for a while and was scared to tell me. I forgave him. Last night I found a box of court records, etc. He was still living with them when he started dating me. He and his ex even went on a trip out of the country. I found a letter she wrote stating that if anything should happen to them, etc. He was actually still in the home until 2 months before we moved in together. How should I handle this? Should I just let it go since it was so long ago? We have dealt with a LOT of issues with trust in our relationship.

Answer 1

I don't normally advise leaving when children are involved. It seems that this was the case before you came along though . . .

Go home to your parents. 39 or not, family usually help in a pinch. You can file for aide for school, from your parents home. Pack up what you want to keep, stick it into storage, call your mom and go home.

I think you should do this before you are like the ex, two kids and abandoned.

Marriage means to little to him for it to matter if you are married or not.

Don't tell him until it is time to go.

Answer 2

Lets address the first issue which actually is your second...He has a WIFE and a liar. You didnt say anything about him getting a divorce, so I am assuming they are still married...So if he havent gotten a divorce soem years later, he's not getting one now...

You need to get yourself a JOB. Even if you dont want to tell him about the job. Try baby-sitting, clean houses or get a work-from-home gig, but you need to stack your papers (money) ASAP...Next, start paying off your 10,000 debt...thirdly, go to the child support office and put him in the system to collect some money from. (You didnt say he was a good provider. You just said, " he gives you money and put SOME on the bills") Finally, start looking for a one bedroom or efficene apratment.

Here is my lesson for the day, once a liar always a liar. Your man is married and he LIED about it. And he have children and he LIED about that too. Hell, I bet you havent even meet the kids or the wife. And stop adding debt to your credit when you damn well know you cant afford to pay it back. If you two were married that would be something diffenert.

Answer 3

You may not have to leave. You just have to be able to. He feels totally in charge. You need an income. 39 is not as old as you think. The best income is passive residual income.

That would be brokering or putting people together for a fee.
Example , go around town and newspapers . See apartments for rent. Call the land lords and offer them tenants.


Your fee Should be a months rent, paid by the land lord to you. go on your computer and print up a flyer, that you have 1, 2, and 3 bedroom apts available . Leave your phone number.


Put flyers in neighborhood stores etc. after your first fee, put a small add on the paper, but not until you,ve made money.

This is only one of many and yes it does work.

Don't tell your boyfriend about this , make your nest egg. you will find out that your whole attitude will change.

T.I.G.

Answer 4

Move in with your parents. You may be 39 years old but you've been acting like a child, shacking up with some guy, having children without being married, not supporting yourself, funding your lover with your credit card. Go to your parents so the child has some stability and get your life together.
PS He won't put you through school next year. You know that's all talk.

Answer 5

You know what, I heard a similar situation on the radio the other morning. If your parents or relatives or friends are nearby, move in with them until you save enough money to get your own place. Investigate child support options. Get a job that is flexible for your child's sake (maybe at a daycare). Locate reliable daycare/child care options.
He won't be able to take your child away, so don't worry about that.

Answer 6

How can you not leave?

Do you want to waste the rest of your productive employable life with this guy? Get out and get working and start thinking about what is best for you and your child or make him marry you at least. Right now you have nothing for your future. Do you really want to be in your 50's or 60's before you figure this out. You are not that far away from being homeless and broke.

Answer 7

Hon, if you are ready to go, just go. Try to find a friend or family member willing to take in you and the baby for a while. Even if you have to go back to working in retail or in a bar at first, just do it, then try to get a different job. It sounds like this guy has some serious problems telling the truth. If things get nasty when you tell him you want to break up, go to a women's shelter and they will help you.

Good luck! :)

Answer 8

Move home with your parents - start working and save up some money. This can work out - the important thing for now is to get away from this relationship for good.

Answer 9

There are a lot of issues, you need to sit down and talk to him. Maybe he was scared to leave and was not sure he would be able to make it alone. It is going to have to be a serious conversation and just say hey tell me everything and then start working from there. If you can get past it then good but if you can not then you will need to leave.

Answer 10

Sounds like he's taken you for a ride girlfriend!! Take your kid, find a shelter, get a job and a place to live. No judge in this world would give him your child if you were staying in a temporary shelter.