Dad is in £42k debt, refusing to pay the mortgage etc and wants to force my mum to sell the house, what to do?

Question

My dad has gotten £42k worth of debts, probably in the past 20 years or so I would believe. He is an addicted gambler, which explains the debt.

Now he is refusing to pay the mortgage for the house, which is about £250 a month, we only have £7k left to pay off. As well as that he is refusing to pay the council taxes and utilitie bills, also he doesn't give the family (me and my mum) any living cost. My dad earns about £1k a month, but he says he cant afford to feed us. Luckily my mum has a part time job earning £200. But we cant live of that forever.
My mum wants a divorce because there is no point staying with these worthless people who put family last. However, my dad will not leave unless he gets half of the house money which can help repay his debts. Now he is forcing my mum to sell the house, or give him about £60k to leave.

Is there any other ways to get rid of my dad and not losing my house. Iam 16 in college, and Im about to go into Uni this sept, I dont want to move.

Answer 1

id suggest your mum leave your father tell him to move out, and get your mother to seek legal advise asap, im so sorry life is being rough, do not sell this house, if you have to then at least wait until it is paid off you will benefit more from this.
all the best x

Answer 2

I'm shocked that so many answerers have suggested it's your parents' problem, not yours, and advised you to stay out of it. People are quick to blame young people for lack of responsibility, and here you are, taking an active role in your family, and they're having a go at you for it ! It's your house, your family, you are involved and good for you for taking an interest - it's called growing up.

At this stage, if anyone needs Gamblers Anonymous, it's your Dad. You and your Mum need the Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB). You'll find your local branch in the phone book. Ring them up, make an appointment and they'll give you both free advice about the law and where you stand regarding the house.

It's great that you're supporting your Mum, but inevitably you do have your own life, as well. So when you go to Uni (don't even think of postponing this, whatever happens) focus on your own life and your own studies, but meanwhile get all the good advice from the CAB that you can.

Good Luck

Answer 3

First, your mother has to get a full-time job. She's going to need it one way or the other.

Yes, if she gets a divorce the house will be sold and the $$$ split in half. Do not let your mother 'give' him any money! She should consult an attorney (an initial consultation is usually free). She is not only entitled to half the house, but since you are still underage and in school he will also be ordered by the court to provide child support.

Unfortunately I don't see you living in the house unless your mother is able to get a full-time job and buy out your dad. But again, check with an attorney. We are unqualified to give you advice.

You will be going to a university and then out into the working world. It's too bad you have to deal with their garbage right now. Try not to let it pull you down. You have your whole life ahead of you. You might suggest your mother attend Gamblers Anon - it's like Al Anon - for the family and friends of people with those problems. It will show her how to avoid empowering his bad behavior and help both of you to get on with your lives. If she won't go, perhaps you could go by yourself, or talk to a counselor there.

Answer 4

I suggest you encourage them both to go to CAB, Relate and Gamblers Anonymous

To be honest, if you & Mum want to keep the house the only option may be divorce - even if your Mum has to take on half his debt at least she can be isolated from his addiction (which will end in Bankruptcy for both of them unless he gets help)

Right now your Mum is just as liable as he is - married couples are jointly responsible for EVERYTHING each of then does ...

They need to talk it out ...

Answer 5

Your mum must get legal advice. He is entitled to half of the house as awful as that will be for you both. Perhaps your mum could buy him out?

If you were younger the situation would be different, but as you are no longer a dependant your mum has little choice.

I'm so sorry for you. Good luck and try to concentrate on college.

Answer 6

Your mother should check the mortgage. Years ago it was taken out in the husbands name only. If so see a solicitor and sort it out before he tries to re-mortgage to pay ( or get more money for his gambling) to stop this.

Then your mother (not you) must decide whether to help him with his illness(gambling is an addiction and should be treated as such).

You will just have to ride it out I am afraid. Although difficult you will have to be adult and recognise your parents need help. You are not experienced enough ( although your support will help greatly) so get them to get help. Gamblers anonymous, CAB and relate.
Best of luck, talking with counsellors will also help you to cope. A lot to ask, so let both your parents know how much you are worrying, and just maybe they will think not just of themselves but what they are doing to you.

Keep your pecker up.
Good luck

Answer 7

In the end its only 4 walls, A court will make them split everything. You mum should take her share and start again some place else, far away from her ex.

Answer 8

It seems that you are getting way too involved with THEIR problems. A lot of things in life happen that are not according to plan. You need to stay out of it and let them deal with it. You will end up fine, in the long run, it just takes time.

Answer 9

Mum should get a solicitor and talk to her bank.

Answer 10

sell the house, split the money and just get away. dont let his problems bring you down anymore.