In the 2 years we have been married she has gained 20lbs. I cannot motivate her to work out and I'm not sexually attracted to here looking the way she does. What can I do?
2007-05-02 07:35:09 · 70 answers · asked by BeTheHammer 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I work out and I am in good shape.
2007-05-02 07:39:51 · update #1
Just to be clear, I still love her very much and I would never divorce her. I don't treat her different or say hurtful things. This is purely a sexual issue.
2007-05-02 07:48:29 · update #2
Well, did you marry her because she weighed 20 lbs. less than she does now or did you marry her because you loved her? I would hope it's the latter. People tend to gain weight as they get older, unless they work REALLY hard at it.....and even with that, sometimes they still do. If you truly love your wife, you will love and desire her no matter her weight. Grow up!
2007-05-02 07:40:58 · answer #1 · answered by sassysusie 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
There may be a chance that she senses that you are no longer attracted to her! You're going to either have to explain these feelings to her, file for a divorce or maybe consider counseling! If she is not willing to work on the sex issues or go to counseling with you then consider divorce! A sexless marriage is NEVER good! The things you said about her were harsh, but maybe she could make more of an effort to look better.. although a husband and a wife should love each other no matter what and looks shouldn't be an issue to a certain degree! Good Luck!
2016-05-18 23:27:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry dude... I am going to be another that isn’t quite on your side... Ya seeing someone put on weight is a bit of a shocker at first. But really 20 pounds isn’t a lot. Muscle does weight a lot more then fat so pounds verse inches are a bit different.
Now the problem is really her. Why has she all of a sudden NOT want to work out and doesn’t care much now for her appearance? Has something happened? A health issue arise... Car accident?? WHAT and WHY... Things like that just don’t stop just because. There is more too it... Can you add to this question??
Now you married this person…. After all it’s for better or for worse. People do loose their looks you know. Some people flat out don’t age well. Having kids can cause havoc on a body some people can loose it… others have to fight to get it off. Once there are kids you have to find the time too.. When you’re older you will see how unimportant a figure is because communication, support, comfort love and all the other stuff now come into play… not everyone is able to control it even if you work out daily. People who marry for the wrong reasons end up leaving anyways… makes you wonder why even bother to get married. 20 years down the road people change. Not every skinny person can hold onto it.
2007-05-02 07:55:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
aww man! I thought you married b-cause ya'll loved each other? is she just being lazy, did you not see the warning signs b-4 you asked for her hand in marriage. did she have any baby's cause that puts weight on a person. make sure u tell her how u are feeling about her weight and stuff, but what you can do is get her fat a s s of the couch and you and her go work out 2 gether, she needs an extra push. take her a s s to the gym and set her up with a personal trainer( maybe u could be her trainer) and if she still dont want to make sure that she can keep you interested in her than divorce court is looking for some more starring guest... good luck
2007-05-02 07:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by saywhat 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It works both ways - I am sure that you probably have gained a few pounds yourself or there is probably something else about you that she does not like. The best way to take care of this situation - is sit down and talk about it - if you don't then the problem gets bigger and bigger to the point where you start throwing angry remarks at each other. If she does not know that there is a problem - she will not fix it. Do not give up on your marriage because of a few pounds, work it out. Remember for better or worse in sickness and in health.
2007-05-02 07:41:48 · answer #5 · answered by Feline05 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband always tell me if I get fat that he would feel the same way. I think the two many women get married and think that they can let themselves go. That is wrong, and I do not feel in anyway that you are a jerk or a pig for asking this. It's nice that you say you still love her and would never leave her, I think my husband would leave me..lol but I still love him. I want to look good for my husband so I try very hard to do it. Try asking her to work out with you, or maybe plan stuff for the both of you to do outside that is active. Also tell her you want to start eating better and ask her to keep the junk food out of the house. Feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to or any more ideas or advice on this matter.
2007-05-03 16:50:22 · answer #6 · answered by dohm84 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
20lbs is not a lot of weight and I have to question if you even love her in the first place. My fiance is somewhat heavy and if he gained 20lbs. it would not kill my attraction for him. I would most likely be worried that something was emotionally wrong with him and thats why he was overeating. Maybe your wife is going through some type of depression causing her to overeat. You should be more concerned with her mental state and less focused on your sexual attraction.
2007-05-02 08:31:48 · answer #7 · answered by lovebug512 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Men are so visual - I think it's a wife's responsibility to try to look good for her husband. Just how we expect flowers and romance I dont think there is anything wrong with a husband wanting a wife that puts effort into herself and keeps in shape. That being said - you agreed to marry her in sickness and health. If she's getting too overweight then it's not healthy for her - but you promised your life to her regardless. I will say one thing though - a husband can NOT tell his wife she's fat and needs to work out. She needs to hear it from a doctor or a mother, or someone else. But not the husband. A woman will NOT find that motivating coming from the man she loves.
2007-05-02 07:49:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I am sure she is not happy about putting on 20 lbs. I would love to know how much weight have you gained or how much hair have you lost in the 2 yrs you have been married? I would hope your marriage was based on more then looks. If it bothers you then have a talk ask her how she feels with out being insulting. Maybe she can try weight watchers or Jenny Craig hopefully she can find a more caring man at one of the meetings.
2007-05-02 07:43:04 · answer #9 · answered by Kat G 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Find ways to work out with her and eat healthy with her. Lead by example. After work invite her for long walks, in the weekends invite her to the park for bike rides. Make the grocery shopping with her and don't include junk. Always look inside your marriage to find solutions to your problems, never outside ( translation: don't let this turn your attention to other women or other people)
In the meantime, try some foreplay before sex. After 10 minutes you'll start connecting more with her as a whole instead of just her body . ( nice music, candle light and massage can all be helpers)
It is fun work!
2007-05-02 07:42:20 · answer #10 · answered by Georgie 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋