Am I really so wrong to say this?

Question

I answered a question on here about an 18 year old attempting to become pregnant. Quite honestly, the girl had very immature grammar, with every third word spelled wrong. That's beside the point. I recieved nothing but negativity for my response! I'm just a bit annoyed by that.

Here was my response:

"At 18, you shouldn't being trying to get pregnant... A baby should be the last thing on your mind at your age. Live your life, go to college, get a decent job, and get married... THEN worry about whether of not you can have a baby.
Make sure you can financially support yourself as well as a child before you think about bringing a life into the world. For the baby's sake, you don't want to have one before you're ready. You shouldn't raise a child in poverty just because you want to have one.
It's possible your body just is not ready for a baby right now. If you're unable to become pregnant when you're older.... say 6 years from now, adoption is a wonderful thing to consider."

Thanks for the reassurance! I just sat here looking at the answers of encouragement wondering if I were the only sane person left in the world! I mean, I'm 22, I own a house, I have a decent career & I'm engaged. Yet still, I don't want children yet! I'm glad to see some people out there still think logically!!

This response is for "whonose" at the bottom:

My one word spelled wrong is "received" and it was a typing error.

1. There are more than 3 words spelled wrong in the original question.... I will list them below:
ive (grammar) -- sufford (spelling) -- deffinate (spelling) -- miscarraiges -- im (grammar, several times) -- wont (grammar) -- untill (spelling) -- minimise (spelling)
Yes, that looks like more than 3 to me. Additionally, I added "that's beside the point." So tell me, which part of my statement is untrue?

By the way, my one mis-spelled word is "received" and it was a typing error.
2. Becoming pregnant at 18 is a bad idea because at the age of 18, you are still a child yourself. You are uneducated, you have no experience of being on your own, you are not mature. This being her third attempt, make my point a more valid one by far. I was not negative and insensitive, I was HONEST and REALISTIC.

3. I never stated she herself lives in poverty, I simply mentioned how wrong it is to raise an innocent child in a poverty setting and not to have a child in this situation. I never once accused he of being poor.

4. I merely suggested she wait until she's married, how dare you insult me for that? It is, contrary to what may think, a valid piece of advice. No, raising a child does not take marriage, it takes a responsible ADULT. Maybe by the time she IS in fact married, she will be a responsible adult.

I do not EXPECT everyone to agree with me, the simple matter of this situation, is everyone ACCEPT FOR YOU did agree with me. That should tell you something.
Maybe, when you have nothing intelligent to say, you should refrain from opening you mouth.

PS: Here is YOUR misspelled word... If you insist on acting immaturely: "mispelt"

She asked for advice, and she received it. What advice is good and what is not, is for her to decide, not YOU. I as well, am entitled to my opinion, along with everybody else in the world.

Although I must add, people like you, raising insignificance to cause problems, make me sick.

Answer 1

no your right,,,i just gave you a thumbs up for support. That girl is WAY WAY TOO YOUNG. I had my daughter at 21, and i think I was too young. I dont regret having her but I think knowing the hard work it is to raise a child I would have waited til I was 30. i think if that girl wants to play it smart then she would wait...what kind of future is she going to give her baby at 18. Shes stupid and immature and she needs to keep her legs shut...her doctor should have told her that knowing that shes only 18 and has had 2 miscarriages!!!

Answer 2

Good grief! I don't think I have ever seen such raw hatred and wanton bigotry in my life!
Not one person who has answered up until now has the faintest idea what this young woman's actual circumstances are, yet they spew out their bigotry and hatred based on your deception.

Maybe you would understand better if you were a little more honest with yourself.

1. You say she had very immature grammar and every third word spelled wrong. That blatantly untrue. Her grammar is pretty average, and there are just THREE words mispelt - and one of those is just two letters the wrong way round. The only other error is the use of "of" instead of "about", but maybe where she comes from that's perfectly acceptable.

By the way, you have mispelt a word yourself. I'm sure you'll spot which one it was.

2. You told her she shouldn't be thinking about getting pregnant at 18, but who is to say that this is a bad age for getting pregnant? Many young women start families in their late teens and do an excellent job.

3. You say the young woman was "attempting to get pregnant", which is another lie - she says she has already been pregnant at least twice, both of which ended in miscarriages. If this were her first attempt you "might" have a point. As it is your response could be seen as very negative and insensitive.

4. You tell her she "shouldn't raise a child in poverty just because you want to have one."
How do you know she lives in poverty? Her writing, contrary to your claim, is better than many posts I've seen on this forum and neither that nor anything in her post suggests she is incapable of giving her baby a good upbringing.

5. Above all, you tell her to wait until she's married.
Given that she has had at least two pregnancies there is no reason to suppose that she isn't already in a relationship - and possibly married. Again the question arises as to what is going on in YOUR head for you to write as you have done in this question.

Maybe you need to get to grips with the idea that whilst it's fine for you to offer your opinions, along with everyone else, if you expect everyone to agree with you and thank you for your insights then you're lucky you've lasted this long without anyone explaining where you can store those opinions.

Answer 3

I can imagine the negativity came from others like her.

There is a feeling these days that you can whatever you want and do not have to live with the consequences as society will bail you out. She has a kid at 18, can't support it. That doesn't matter, the tax payer will look after it. She can't raise the child, it can go to a foster home, let the tax payer take care of it. Your answer required her to be responsible instead of selfish and that is what produces the negative response.

I am a 33 year old career woman, wife and mother of two. Before I got pregnant I could adequately provide for my family. Children are a trust and to have a child when you are not mature enough or sufficiently prepared to take care of them is a betrayal of that trust.

Answer 4

You have said nothing wrong. Infact if I had to answer this question, I would have replied in the same manner. You talked sense. However being in a public "room", we should be ready to not only accept stars for good answers but also criticisms as this is quite a subjective matter. You answer what you think is right and if the other person does not appreciate your reply. There is nothing much more you can do. Your aim was to help this young lady,right? I will simply tell you, you are on the right track so don't be discouraged by the negative feedback you obtained.

Answer 5

an extremely ill mama canines is an exceedingly annoying difficulty. and that i comprehend your anger on the countless solutions which you won. that's commonly used so which you would be able to prefer to vent returned to those individuals a number of your anger and frustration. So, attempt to stay calm and shop your concentration on your canines & doggies. do not permit this cloud your authentic purpose - a healthy canines. And confident, i could prefer to be responsive to this effect. Kudos to you on your rapid action in looking after 7 doggies! that's not undemanding! I choose that greater human beings could comprehend that there are circumstances that stump even the final of vets. on a similar time as the calicum subject is the main hassle-loose with those indicators, that's not the only reason. And your dedication to this canines and her doggies is extremely, very admirable. So, you be responsive to which you're responding to this disaster interior the final way attainable. you're doing all you're able to do in an exceedingly confusing difficulty. permit God handle something. Peace

Answer 6

I think your answer is perfect. I had my son when I was young. I was 21, not 18. I had completeled most of my education. My son is almost 4 now and I have yet to complete my degree. I put my degree on hold so I could put my husband through school. Although I love my son dearly and wouldn't change my decision to have him at such a young age, my life definitely would've been easier if I had finished my degree before I had a baby. It would've been even more difficult if I didn't have any college education. I was able to get a good job from the education I had. I wouldn't have landed such a good job straight out of high school.

Answer 7

Your advice and response was sound and excellent. Its horrifying that today so many Ill-informed young kids think that what you said was wrong, violated some sort of right thay supposedly have to be irresponsible, are generally just arrogant, posses a total lack of class, and lack any semblance of self esteem and acceptable social standards. Keep up the excellent work of giving those types of responses, and do not get discouraged at the low lifes. If you keep at it, eventually you will make a difference. And, thank you for having such high moral and social standards.

Answer 8

In reality, I agree with you. We don't need another low income welfare criminal in this world. However, it's their life, that's why some people don't improve and get a better life. Who cares about what the people say negatively about you. They're the ones that need a clue. I bet they're the same ones who try to get the government to promote more social services to help these under privaledge shiftless baby makers. These people need to wake up and understand that they're not helping or trying to solve the problems but are in fact a part of the problem because of their liberal attitudes. These borderline communists are the real terrorist threatening our way of life.

Answer 9

I'm knocking on 30's door and I'm still worried about having kids; the responsibility; you were right on w/ your answer. Kids at that age should be kids, not parents... Not discounting anyone else who's had kids at that age, but it's a diff time we live in, and for an 18 y/o to be actively trying to get pregnant?? forget about it, there's something wrong w/ the girl.

Answer 10

I don't think you were wrong. It's very sensible advice.

Generally when people this young are thinking about becoming pregnant, they want children as a source of unconditional love in their lives and that is about the worst reason to have a child. It cannot be the responsibility of a baby to improve someone else's self-esteem.