My wife and I have a disagreement about pornography. I think that they can be a valuble marital aid, and I don't think that there is anything wrong with it. I am not addicted or anything, and I do not wan't to watch it all the time, I just need to have time to blow off steam. She won't let me watch anything on tv that may have women in bikinis or anything, or have friends, or go to stripclubs, etc. I think that these things are important for a guy to blow off steam from the rest of the week.
My wife thinks that a married man should never watch, or wish to look at another woman, and if he does than there is something wrong with him. She thinks that these things are ok if he is single, but should immediately stop when married.
What do you think?
2007-05-02 06:42:42 · 28 answers · asked by Aaron 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you wife is trying to control you and that she should be told in no uncertain terms to get off your back. For God's sake she is censoring your television! Tell her that if she gives you sex 7-10 times a week that you'll be too tired to look at anything female.
Time to stand up for yourself.
2007-05-02 06:48:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 5⤋
I have no problem saying that I don't think it is. If you're being honest and upfront with your wife, which it sounds like you are, that this is not an addiction, just something you enjoy doing every now and then, and that it just makes you more attracted to HER, then I don't see what the problem is.
I think the issue is actually more of an insecurity one with her. I have known couples who have restricted their partners from anything like what you are describing outside of the relationship, and they are either both OK with it because they are (typically) extremely religious, one partner is miserable all the time, or the relationship goes sour because there are too many control and insecurity issues going on.
If I were you (and maybe you've tried this already!) I would invite her to watch with you, just to show her that it can be a tool for romance in your marriage, not a way for you to look at other women. Although, I do have to say I can kind of agree with the strip clubs; I've told my own hubby I don't have a problem with it as long as he is upfront and totally honest with me (and he's never been to one in 5 years of marriage!), but I can see where for some couples this really would be unacceptable, because we're talking interaction with real people. But magazines, movies, internet, anything in that realm, as long as it doesn't become an obsession, I really don't see a problem with as long as you are not keeping secrets from her. Maybe if you know of other friends or couples who do this and are very faithful to each other that you can point out as an example, that would be helpful to your case.
Good luck to you; hope you are able to solve this problem so you both can enjoy your marriage!
2007-05-02 06:56:32 · answer #2 · answered by TNTMA 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think what is good for the goose is good for the gander. So, extending this out logically, she is totally in her rights to expect all of your sexual attention to be directed to her... BUT if she's going to expect that, she'd also better start directing all of her attention to you. That means that those little girl-talk sessions she's used to having with her friends where she talks about their boyfriends and what they're doing and not doing need to stop, and she needs to put away the romance novels, and she needs to not go see any movies with big name actors that she finds attractive. If she can do that (Ha!) then I think she's totally justified in asking you to stop looking at other women. If she can't give up other men to the same degree she's asking you to give up other women (which is all you're asking) then maybe she needs to rethink her requirements on what is okay for a married person.
2007-05-02 06:55:16 · answer #3 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe in compromise, but I know if my wife starting getting that tight of a "grip on the reins" I'd be pushing her pretty quickly to back the f--- off and that it's a relationship, and a partnership not a dicatatorship.
Your married, not dead. As long as you keep it only for her she has to understand you still have a pulse.
I'm not saying you should be running around at night partying or staying out late - but you need space to breath without her breathing down your neck.
Do you really want to live your life with your wife being this controlling? Time to set some ground rules to get some respect and space.
2007-05-02 07:51:43 · answer #4 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
sure you're over reacting!!! men are seen creatures at the same time as it contains sex and arousal. searching at you is likely stunning yet sweetie he has seen it earlier. would not you fairly him watch porn that bypass to a strip club or worse cheat on you. those are stress which he can no longer eliminate no longer because he's a foul guy, or untrustworthy, because he's male. i imagine a guy gazing porn is a perk in a courting because he can %. up new strikes to deliver homestead to you. It keeps sex interesting. relax porn isn't something on the point of dishonest.
2016-11-24 20:57:17 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you think you must watch porn to blow off steam then i see why she has a problem. you blowing off steam at the end of a stressful week is not a marital aid for her it is a way for you to get off on another woman. i do not think you are trying make her a part of it which is a mistake. my guy watched without me and i found out about it. i was hurt and felt like he must be watching it because i was unattractive to him. it took us a while but he stopped watching it and respected me. i then felt valued and became willing to watch it with him. it wasn't him watching it so much as me being left out of it on purpose, i felt like he cheated by hiding it from me. every woman is different but i think if a you approach her in the right way, being sensitive to her feelings, you can help her be more comfortable with it.
you do not need to watch porn to masturbate.
2007-05-02 07:31:18 · answer #6 · answered by adelaide 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
no, watching porn is NOT cheating. I think she's super controlling and incredibly insecure..and pretty prudish. i dont think there's anything wrong with it (porn). sorry, but what can you do now? you married her. doesnt sound like you can talk her out of this one or come up with any sort of compromise...unless you ask her to make some porn for you. then she'd probably slap you and make you sleep on the couch. what sucks though, is that if you do it behind her back or somewhere that isnt at home, it makes you look like a creepy pervert. lol. but seriously...not even allowing you to watch tv shows with other women is ridiculous. i concur with a previous answerer that you guys may need some kind of mediation...its NOT normal. women who don't like their men to watch porn are insecure. it's different if you're married. if she can't trust you, why did she marry you? she has trust issues.
this reminds me of an episode of sex and the city. this girl's husband couldnt have sex with her...but then she caught him masturbating to porn and she got PISSED. then she forgave him and pasted pictures of her face on ALL the porn star's faces on the magazines. LOL
2007-05-02 06:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by Manda 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A man can be sexually aroused and get an erection many times during a day. The sexual readiness men have is different from what women experience. It may help to think about this in terms of the natural world around us.
Each year a cottonwood tree puts out hundreds or thousands of cottony fibers with a seed attached. The fibers float as far as the wind will carry them, and when they land on the earth, all but a tiny fraction fail to take root. The seeds of the maple tree are attached to tiny "propellers" which spiral away from the parent tree. Again, hardly any of the seeds become mature trees.
In a similar way, human males feel a biological need to release their seed at frequent intervals. This is natural. You should realize this occurs in men far more often than you are prepared for, or interested in, sexual relations with your husband. That is why your husband masturbates. For that, you should probably be grateful.
It is time to have a more honest discussion with your husband about sex. It takes time for most of us to become comfortable with our sexuality, and that of our partner's, but freeing yourself to discuss this will deepen your understanding and your relationship. Trust me about one thing. An omniscient being must understand male biology a lot better than most women.
P.S. Men don't pry into the details of a woman's period. Why do so many women feel they need to control their man's every ejaculation. Male masturbation is about release. It isn't about him having sex with someone else.
2007-05-02 07:15:58 · answer #8 · answered by shiverz 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I do not like pornography. it depends on which woman you chose to be with... some women think it's amazing because it's an outlet for their man to get off so they're not bugging them, some women enjoy to watch it with their man... some women are indifferent, and some women can't stand it. I'd have to agree with your wife on not wanting you to go to strip clubs, i do believe that is cheating. The women are material, there... so you can touch them... But, my boyfriend has respectfully given up pornography to strengthen our relationship. It's worked wonders... Ask your wife if you can have pictures of her instead in case you need to "blow off steam"... It's something you two need to discuss, without getting angry.
.....porn's a hot topic with some women. but, I think you should have friends.
2007-05-02 06:51:21 · answer #9 · answered by LoveisfirE 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I don't think there's anything wrong with porn if taken in moderation. I'm a woman, and I look at porn occasionally. Porn aside, I think your wife is living in some parallel dimension. Duh, just because you're married, you don't stop appreciating the physical attractiveness of other people. And of course you look - we all look. Your wife is delusional at best, and a control freak at worst. Porn is the least of your problems, sounds like.
2007-05-02 06:57:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, going to strip clubs is a bit much for a married man. But in my opinion watching porn is no big deal. Many men have a much higher sex drive than their wives, and it is better to take care of things personally than to get sexually frustrated and perhaps cheat.
It's completely natural to look at other people. She probably tries very hard to force herself not to look at good looking guys. In my opinion, I think you need couple's counseling, because she is very controlling in the relationship - no TV shows with bikinis? No friends? Something isn't right.
2007-05-02 06:52:31 · answer #11 · answered by jellybeanchick 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋