Ive been married for 15 yrs. we have 5 boys together. His drinking has gone from occasional to practically daily and drunk every weekend. He recently passed out in my brothers back yard and is having slight black outs. He has refused to see he has a problem for 2 yrs now. I cant live like this anymore and am worried about my boys seeing alot of this. they hate it. I cant financially affford to kick him out til he gets help but it may have to come to that. He thinks he is fine. I am having heart palpatations and have recently started getting miagraines. Any advice? I have tried Alanon but it didnt help me much. Any advice at this point would be great.
2007-05-02 06:22:00 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A very difficult situation that you are in ! Alcoholism is a progressive disease so it is not going to get better until he gets treatment and does everything necessary to stop drinking and then maintain his decision.
In the meantime you too are developing ailments which may eventually lead to depression.
Sorry the alanon didn't work out for you bur maybe you didn't meet the right people for you. There are all kinds of personalities there as well.
Another option is seeking help for yourself in a treatment centre in your area. Alcoholism doesn't only effect the one drinking it have devastating effects on all members of the family.
Usually it takes major consequences to bring the person out of denial as to the seriousness of his problem. (divorce, loss of job , loss of drivers licence , loss of friends ......)
Even this is not enough at times so, you have to takes steps to assure your mental health and financial security as well as that of your kids.
You can't do this on you own as you must know by now. Get help and get centred on your life and your kids life until he decides to do something about his illness.
Stop being an enabler as you are only helping him to continue.
Good luck and contact me if you wish to go further
2007-05-02 06:41:42 · answer #1 · answered by KevO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know he thinks he doesn't have a problem, but have you explained to him exactly what he does? Tell him about your health! Do the kids ever say anything?
Everyone has issues to deal with, and being an alcoholic doesn't mean he is a bad person; he just needs some help. Maybe you could try to go see a marriage counseler, and bring it up there? Maybe get his friends or other family members to intervene, as well.
I hope this helps and good luck with everything!
2007-05-02 06:27:36 · answer #2 · answered by Firefly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to kick him out and file for temporary separation so you can get child support. Then maybe he will see that you are serious about this situation. This will do some irreparable damage to you and your kids if you let this go any further. Why didn't Alanon help? Did you give it a good chance? I was married to an alcoholic also but finally had to end the marriage, fortunately I did not have any children with him. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.
2007-05-02 06:35:35 · answer #3 · answered by Yola 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot help an alcoholic until they accept they have a problem and are ready to seek help for it. If he won't ask the Doctor for help you may have to exercise some 'tough love' and give him an ultimatum. Be prepared though, if he's not ready he may choose to continue drinking. You are right to be concerned about the example he is setting your sons, children of alcoholics frequently have battles with addiction in adulthood. Maybe you could get the support of his family and stage an intervention. Good luck, I hope he chooses sobriety.
2007-05-02 06:30:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you have a problem with your life and self esteem. You have five kids which means you are pretty easy. The first kid was the reason you got married. I would guess that some of the kids are not his. You wanted to feel beautiful but hard time in the trailer park without dental insurance has you looking like a waffle house waitress. You probably do not work and sit around watching daytime TV shows and looking at random d-icks on the internet. Your husband avoids you because of the non stop bit-ching. After reading your question I fixed myself a drink. You probably sitting infront of the computer your husband purchased by busting his *** for more than 40 hrs a week. You wonder why he is drinking, ***** life sucks for him.
2007-05-02 08:10:44 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. Richard Fitzwell 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
MY GOD....I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE GET ON HERE AND GIVE DUMB *** ANSWERS LIKE THE ONE ABOVE. THIS ISN'T A PLACE TO GO AND BASH PEOPLE AND MAKE PEOPLE FEEL WORSE ABOUT THEIR TRUE LIFE PROBLEMS....don't pay attention to the dumb *** from above. You didnt do anything. If he was a real man he would appreciate his family..his wife and his beautiful 5 kids. If it is you're guy's family life that has driven him to drink then he's a weak person. There are other ways that a man and a women can deal with their problems besides resorting to becoming a drunk. If your the one not making him happy and he's letting it effect him like that then to bad for him. If his life is that bad then he should just leave. It's hard to live with a drunk, it's embarassing, its humiliating and it will not change until something drastic happens. My ex still drinks and says the samething "I don't have a problem, I can stop whenever I want to" that's bullcrap. You just have to make a decision and get your kids away from that, they really don't deserve to be seeing that going on.
2007-05-02 06:46:30 · answer #6 · answered by justbeingme_ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I just left that situation last year. It's tough. We didn't have any kids, but he totally trashed my credit. His DWI was the last straw.(Bailing him out was a mistake) We were together 20 yrs. Married 12yrs. At first I will admit I drank too, so I can't cast stones. But I rarely drink now and he wouldn't cut down at all. Drank one of those big bottles or boxes of wine in 1 or 2 days. Know that if he doesn't want to do it for HIMSELF first, then he darn well isn't gonna do it for anyone else. No matter what. My advice, start looking for aid for you and the kids and get away from him, kick him out or do whatever you have to. But end it while you can before he's really out of control and gets physically abusive like mine did. He's only going to get worse and you'll regret it the rest of your life...
2007-05-02 06:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by Kelly773 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a very serious issue and you need professional advice. If you didn't think alanon helped, you should try to find a counselor/therapist that has experience working with alcoholism in a family. If your finances are tight, check into what your local community services have to offer (family services, social services, women's services). From what I understand you can't help someone help themselves, it has to come from within them, but you need to do all you can to help you and your boys cope and deal with, and work through the fallout from your husband's disease.
2007-05-02 06:39:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel.
It is now 5.40am Tuesday morning over here in New Zealand and my man of 13 years is in bed snoring his darn head off.
Thank goodness we don't have kids in the house (they are all grown up and over the age of 30).
So here I am sitting here answering questions because I can't stand the noise, and the smell of the Scotch he has drunk tonight.
I can't leave because I don't work ... so no money. Also we own our house and don't want to have to buy him out and have to take out a loan to pay him.
So ... probably like you ... have to stick in there and hope that somehow things will turn out better somewhere along the line.
2007-05-02 06:37:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you will stay with him if he starts AA and stops drinking but if doesn't agree, kick him out. This can go on and on and on...i know from experience. It is not good for the kids to see him like that and it may also cause them to drinking at ayoung age.
Possibly he should leave for a period of time to recovery and then you try and see if you and he can work it out or not.
2007-05-02 07:03:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋