My wife wants me to be someone else.?

Question

My wife is Mexican, and she wants me to be like a Mexican Soap opera star and fight with everyone who has a disagreement with her. Recently she was arguing (civily) with my brother over how a relationship should be (she thinks that she should be in control of an entire relationship, and the two should be together always, ignoring everyone else including family). Anyway, she thinks that any time that someone argues with her over something, then I am supposed to act all macho, and punch them in the face or something. I don't understand, because I was always taught to be calm, and not to fight. Clearly if she was in physical danger I would fight for her. But she says that I am a traidor, and not doing my duty as her husband. Keeping in mind that we are not talking about strangers, we are talking about arguments with family. What do you think? Women's opinion is valued in particular.

Answer 1

Be who you are not what she wants you to be. Your not a child to be moulded to however she sees fit.

As for the macho part, stick up for her if someone calls her names or tries to hurt her but if she is causing the trouble stand back and let her stand in her own stink.

Be Yourself, The man She married!

Answer 2

LOO, my wife is Mexican. Mexican are brought up in a very "machismo" world, most of the guys act like a bunch of macho pricks, which is why alot of Mexican girls go for American guys down here (border town). My wife isn't like your though, she gets pissed when I want to fight and says I am not thinking of her safety when I do so. However she does expect me to stand up for her during arguments with other people, even if I don't agree with her...so there you have it, I answered nothing but it makes me smile.

Answer 3

Just tell her that this is not your fight and have no interest in stepping in. It's not because your a traitor or a wimp, it's only because everyone is entitled to their own opinion and violence will not solve the issue or make the other person understand her view.
If she starts it, she should end it but remind her that physical violence is easy to do (especially when you end up losing an argument). To win an argument takes a lot of intelligence and tact and that feeling is better than throwing a punch or two.

Answer 4

I think any woman who needs her husband to get into a physical altercation with anyone, much less his own brother, just so that she has proof that he loves her, is completely and totally messed up. She needs to realize that the soap opera stars probably don't act that way in their real lives, THEY'RE ACTORS, and they're playing a role in a script, it's FICTION!! Real people do not walk around punching other people's lights out to defend anyone's honor--and those who do usually wind up in jail (at least in the US).

She needs counseling, she's got some screwed up ideas about marriage that will eventually destroy your marriage. Marriage is a partnership, not an opportunity to control the other person. Any spouse who attempts to alienate their spouse from his/her family and friends is also potentially abusive, because that's the first step an abuser takes with his/her victims. You guys also probably need some serious marriage counseling, and you really need to watch for these red flags. A woman who loves you wouldn't need you to fight for her, she wouldn't want you to because you'd risk being hurt as well. And she certainly wouldn't want to keep you from your family and those you love. If you were a woman, and she were a man, I'd probably be telling you to bail out of this relationship now, because she's throwing you some HUGE warning signs of being an abuser. But yes, women can abuse men, just because it doesn't get printed up in the papers every day, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Answer 5

I'm from Long Island, And I'm very much a chameleon, so I've seen my share of good mixes, and "purer" cultures.
My advice may not be so easy for your wife, if she's never been exposed to the culture of mixing it up.
Now, I'm far from perfect- the man with whom I live is an American Jew, from the 1950's and 1960's, who to this day is VERY resnetful of the pressure to assimilate, especially into Christams. He's never married and hardly dated within the culture, though! So ALL of his relationships have had this Christmas/Chanukah issue, in one way or other.
Well, we resolved it, because he was so defensive he offended me, I almost left him and just slept on the couch, and somebody told him to drop his pride or he'd lose me.
So he gave my son and me a Christmas in his house.
Your wife doesn't seem to understand that beyond the compromise that goes with marriage, people need to give up some of their old crap and put the marriage FIRST.
Oh, waht did I have to learn? A lot about Judaism, and a lot about the fact that Catholicism is so insipidly Anti-Semite, that no matter what nice words my father siad, and no matter how he fought it, the feeling remains.
Sad, but I'm fighting it. I never knew I had it, till I lived with him. And I'm practicing what I preach.
So, either she learns that the two of you come first, or you learn that she's got to go.
Good luck.

Answer 6

You need to hire a fall guy four times a year. Pay someone to act rude, stage a fight, and take a fall. Work on your best Spanish and Mexican accent and throw in some martial arts. Buy a gun with blanks and have the guy wear a vest, just in case. Maybe throw in a fake self defense shooting with squibs and drama. Show your wife your macho manly self. Maybe someday she'll mature and realize that its all foolishness.

Answer 7

I am married and my husband's brother is not so wonder full.
I do not agree with his way of thinking or acting. Most of the time his behavior is inappropriate and he comes off as a moron. However I do not get involved in conversations or arguments with him nor am I looking for my husband to knock his head off. I am civil and act like he is not in the room. I am not looking to change him. Your family needs not to get into deep conversations with her to the point of it getting into a fight. Also what would be the end result? You will no longer speak or see your family and they will not want her around? You need to ask your wife after you hit your brother what kind of relationship will you then have with him. There is a goal she is trying to reach. I would tell her she needs to stop. Family should not behave like this. Good Luck

Answer 8

Your wife needs a reality check. You shouldn't even invovle your self. Just politely step outta the situation. Sit her down and explain this to her: Sweetie Pie I am a lover not a fighter. OK JUst kidding. No seriously you need to sit her down and explain that you are not going to get into the middle of her arguments, and that you guys are in partnership and neither one is the boss but both are equals. I'm sure there are some good qualities in this woman because you married her, Tell her your duty as her husband is to love, and she should respect that you have your own opinions!

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you have a drama queen, who was probably raised that way and always will be that way until you put your foot down. She seems to want it both ways. She wants you to be a man and step up when it's good for her, but she wants control of the overall tune of your relationship.

Tell her very assertively that you will always stand up for your wife when it's the right thing to do, but you are not going to waste your time getting involved in the silly messes with other people she makes. #

Tell her you are offended and think it's a true mockery of your relationship to treat you as if you needed to be controlled. You are a human being...her husband...not her dog who she uses as a protection shield.

WRONG WRONG WRONG...people and couples will fight and argue yes...but why do it for sport?

It's my opinion, (an yes, I am happily married for 5 years to a man who thinks like you) your wife needs to occupy her time with better activities. Instigating fights between the 2 of you and other people is childish. Tell her to take a class on interpersonal communications.

Answer 10

If you live in Mexico, you would have to abide by her culture. If are living in the US, then you abide by this side of the border. If you are an educated person with a professional job, the last thing you want to get yourself any criminal records.

The next time, you just stand up real firm and tell her you are NOT gonna play by her rules, doesn't mean you love her any less, just the way she sees it. And you would like her to respect your family as much as you do hers. You are the man of the house and you have a family to feed. That is the end of the discussion.