How do I stop my husbands ex mistress from bothering our family?

Question

With the birth of our first child my husband has ended a 3 year affair with his mistress. However it has been 5 months and she continues to send e-mails and air our dirty laundry on her my space page. Of course she does this all without using names, but everyone is painfully aware of who and what she is talking about in our social circles. And it is fuel for the gossip mongers. How can I get this to stop so we can get on with our lives. My husband says to ignore it but I can't take the public humiliation much longer. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Answer 1

Restraining order. She violates the order. She does time.

Answer 2

What!!!!!? You tolerated a three year affair between your husband and his mistress? You should be more concerned about why you let your husband mistreat you like this. Think carefully about whether you really want to be with a man like this.

If you have already carefully considered your options and chosen to remain with him, then stand strong beside him.
I think he is right that you should ignore her because at this point she is a woman scorned and she is desperate for his attention and your anger. She is hoping to break you up by continuing to be a thorn in your side. If you don't react at all to her antics through email and my space, she doesn't get a payback and it will stop. Hold your head high and if questioned by anyone about it, graciously refuse to discuss it and ask why they would want to talk about something so insignificant. Don't bad mouth her or your husband. Don't fuel the gossip. Just smile and enjoy your new baby. Focus on the precious life that has been brought to you and make the most of every minute with your baby. Forget that the mistress exists and she will cease to hold any power over you.

You bring to yourself what you fear. If you fear the mistress will continue to harrass you, she will until you can get over it and stop letting it bother you. When you let the fear go, it will cease to exist.

Answer 3

I can understand how you must feel; but Why in the world are you the one feeling humiliated? Were you cheating on your husband with a married man? You were the one cheated on. You have no reason to be humiliated. Why are you reading her My Space page. She is writing all of that for you and no one else. Stop reading it, step back and take a long hard look at the man you married. If he has taken no steps to protect you from this woman's viciousness and his only advice is to ignore her it says a lot about him as a man. He should be blocking her emails and talking to her about a restraining order if she continues to show out. By doing nothing he is encouraging her and her actions are going to escalate. Have one last conversation with him about it and if you don't feel satisfied you need to make some decisions. I agree with the above writer once a cheater always a cheater especially one that cheated for three years with one woman.

Answer 4

What you could do, and I'm familiar with myspace...is to email them and let them know you're being harassed by this person. They might even cancel her as a member. If she starts showing up places, file for a restraining order. If she's making phone calls, have your phone # changed and kept unlisted. Let all of your friends know and family so they won't be alarmed. If things get worse, if she viloates the order, she goes to jail. With someone like that, you just never know. Make sure you keep documentation of anything she's said to your spouse or activities that have taken place lately. That way if you need it for legal purposes, it won't be a he said/she said. At any given time, if you feel unsafe, call the police. This will start a paper trail and it will have your name and her name on it. That can be evidence for later if need be.

I don't want to freak you out or anything, just helping you think "outside the box", and your husband should also step up to the plate which I'm sure he has and still does =)

Answer 5

my first instinct would be divorce court...

however, that is me...we are talking about you...so here are a few suggestions...you could try a restraining order, that might stop that calls and the myspace postings, however, she would still talk behind your backs, and people will still know what happened...probably nothing will ever change that...maybe they will forget some of over time...

the fact is, it isnt just HER to blame...your husband is just as much at fault, actually MORE since he was married to you....i think you need to tell him that HE needs to get her to stop, and if he doesnt that you will divorce him. You have been through enough, through no fault of your own, and you shouldnt have to deal with the hassle of getting her to stop...If he is serious about making amends he will figure out a way. He got you two into this mess, he can get you out.

Answer 6

Get over it, for Pete's sake...you knew this stuff when you took him back.. big deal. If she wants to make a total fool of herself to the general public, help her out...publicly feel sorry for the poor pitiful thing, so filled with bitterness that she can't function. When the gossip turns your way, agree with them and repeat how sorry you are for this lost soul who cannot let go of the past, who lives in terrible pain and longing for your man...and add, "I cannot blame her, he is about the best thing on two legs "(that will get them going but good, all will want to sample what you have...revenge is sweet, isn't it? ) And smile a lot! I mean, A LOT! Always have your hair a little messed up, your makeup just a little smudged... that just-laid look will drive them mad with envy. Hell, girl, you have a great thing going on here..why in the hell aren't you using it to your advantage....you don't think much, do you? I disagree with all the advice above...there is only one way to solve a problem like this...a good offense! In fact, I would bring up the subject, nonchalantly, with those I know are talking behind my back. Go to the myspace and get all the ammo you need, then lay it on delicately...yes, this has the makings of a great movie plot..use it!

Answer 7

Restraining order or ignore her completely. Don't respond. Rebuild your life with your husband and new baby.
You can't control what she does and you are justified to be offended that she is airing dirty laundry but don't give her control over your life for even a moment by responding to any of it. You don't have to defend yourself or your husband. Stay away from the myspace page. It will just aggravate you and rob you of your joy.

Answer 8

First of all if my husband was having an affair with a mistress that long,he would have been long gone,cause I wouldn't put up with it,but that's me.The only advice I can give you,is get an restrain order on this b***h! complain to the cops that this person is harrasing you,and your family.That's the only thing I can think of.Good Luck!

Answer 9

Sounds like you should have fired your husband. He cheated for three years? DO you really think his cheating days are overm of is he just having fun playing the "family man" now that you have a newborn? When the baby is not so new again, do you seriously think he won't go back to his old ways?
If so, I've got some beach-front property for sale in the Utah desert...

Answer 10

The only thing you can do is ignore it, unless you can move to another town. She just wants your attention and his attention and the more you give it to her, the more she'll keep doin it. Stop looking at her page. Ignore the emails. Just get on with your lives, without her in it. After a while she'll move on or get bored if she doesn't get any attention. If anyone you socialize with brings her up in conversation or gossip, just change the subject and pretend like it means nothing to you.

Answer 11

You could start another myspace.page with family pictures or start a blog on recovery after adultery. Maybe showing another wife how to deal with it..(positive means) blog your daily struggle to get your marriage back on track, the trust issues etc. Your story could become a postive one if you make it.

Don't ler her nonsense upset you and your marriage, because that is all she is trying to do,So you will push him out the door straight back to her.

Keep in mind that most mistresses hang on to the notion that these husbands may one day leave thier wives, sad, because it rarey ever happens.

You could become a testimony on what it means to be married and forgiveness..Its all on how much you love your husband.

Misery loves company...
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!!!
Go around that by focusing on your family.