How can I let someone know her husband is cheating without either of them knowing it was me?

Question

I wouldn't get involved except that I feel she really needs to know. He is not being safe.

I am not the other woman... I don't want them to know it was me that told is all.

She is a friend of mine and her husband is my husbands best friend. My husband has spoken to him about it, but he won't stop and basically told my husband to mind his business, yet he continues to tell him everything.

Answer 1

IF you choose to do this, there is no guarantee it won't come back to you and both will know it was you that spilled the beans. So don't get involved unless you are willing to REALLY get involved.

Having said that, if you feel strongly about this, I would send an anonymous type-written note to the woman at whatever mailing address you have for her (home, work, whatever). In it, I would be brief but suggest that SHE look for the evidence, such as Internet activity, or by perhaps questioning him about what he is doing when he isn't home...that sort of thing. Amazing as it seems, some women know but really don't want to know. You can lead her to water but you can't make her drink (perhaps). I would anonymously point her toward where the evidence is, rather than just tell her the facts. Because she won't believe you unless she sees what you see and chooses to believe it.

Answer 2

It's not your place to tell her. He is an *ss for his infidelity. He will eventually get caught on his own. Don't be the one to hurt her. She is going to be hurt enough. You will also be violating the trust your husband placed in you by confiding this to you with the presumption that you could be trusted. If you betray that then you will be undermining your own relationship. You are justified in thinking she should know but what is the reality of what her reaction is going to be? Is she going to leave him? Is she going to kill him? Will she harm herself?
As difficult as it is ; you must stay out of it.
Your husband must simply tell his friend that he doesn't agree or support his activity . He should tell him that he won't tell his wife ; however, he will not ever provide an alibi or refrain from telling her the truth if SHE approaches him with any questions.
This should be enough to stop his sharing the gory details with him and burdening you both with the horrible secret.
You might want to consider encouraging your spouse to cease being friends with this liar/cheat.

Answer 3

If you have concrete evidence (pictures, video, letters, etc) I would send them to BOTH the husband and wife. That way he can't deny what happened. Anonymous calls or messages will raise suspicion and cause fights but won't prove anything because he can deny it. If you don't want to confront then directly, ask someone you trust to do it for you who doesn't know either person. But be very careful, you never know what someone is capable of.

Answer 4

It's possible that your friend already knows or has an idea that he is cheating, but could be too embarrassed to tell you. If she doesn't know, she will find out. People usually get caught cheating, one way or another. And the longer it goes on, the easier it is for him to get caught. Plus, the longer it goes on, the easier it will be for her to want to leave him.

Secondly, if you tell her outright, she may not believe you and may get mad at you.

However, if you feel you should interfere, and you know where he's going to be at a certain time with the "cheatee," then take your friend there, so she can see for herself. Just take her there.

Answer 5

Credibility and verification are two necessary components to have her believe it. If its anonymous, and there isn't the ability to evaluate the situation and all the facts - I don't think she will even take it seriously. Chances are though (from my experience) even if you go out on a limb, she won't believe you or she will believe you and blame you for her knowing. My brothers g.f. has been caught by me more than once, and now he hasn't spoken to me in months and is still with her. Weigh out the consequences before you act.

Answer 6

Send an anonymous email from another account and tell her the name of the woman he is cheating with. That way the wife will confront both of them. If you've seen them together, email her and say they're at so and so restaurant right now. Go see for yourself. No one will know it was you. But I agree, you should tell the wife.

Answer 7

If he isn't being safe and your friend's life could be on the line because of it, you trying to protect your identity makes you not much of a friend. Tell her. Forget about being anonymous, tell her WHY you are telling her.

If you aren't sure, you shouldn't be even thinking about this let alone telling her.

Answer 8

that's actually a very difficult situation but if you don't want the ''publicity'' then you could always write a letter to the wife and just give her proof so she will watch for signs. don't give up on doing the right thing though because what you do now could save alot of hurt in the future.

Answer 9

this is a very tough situation. I would consult with your husband first before doing so. that last thing you want to do is ruin your relationship over someone else's problems.

Answer 10

You can always write a letter on the computer or a typewriter. Do not type your name and do not use a return address. If the woman starts asking if it's you who sent the letter then you can always deny it.