what happend to us?

Question

I love my husband very much this is why I married him. Be4 we got married we were pretty happy together. We lived together & it as great. We had been 2gether 2yrs when I found out I was pregnant. It was the happyest day of my life. He was there 4 me when I was really sick and went to most of the doctor apts. when I hit 6-7 mths things began 2 change. We argued alot we didn't spend time 2gether. He never wanted me around when he would throw partys. I was pushed 2 the side. Around this time he was on the computer alot & I found out he was talking 2 other women & he lied. We got married when I was 8 mnths & I had my daughter alittle over 9mths. After she was born I found out he cheated on me a month after we got married & rite be4 our daughter was due. We talked it out & I forgave him. Things changed 4 awhile now things are different again. He isn't cheatin he is always out with friends, working all the time doesn't act as though Im equal, & we never talk, our flame seems 2 have gone out

He cheated once let me fix that . We got married in august and he cheated in sept and we had our daughter in oct.

I am in school right now I am taking classes on chile day care and my grandmother watchs our daughter for me.

Answer 1

Sounds to me like he's in the relationship out of a sense of duty and obligation and not because he is madly in love with you.

Answer 2

You had problems before the marriage, so why get married?
But what's done is done.

It doesn't sound like he's ready to be settled down into the married w/ children lifestyle.
So why not go back to school and get a degree? When he comes home from work, he can care for the baby and you can be learning something. That way, if your relationship does fail, at least you have your education to fall back on.
And if you have a degree and are making more money than him, then he would be right about you not being his equal because you would be better than him.

Answer 3

Ive never been married, but I do know when things aren't right in my relationship...One you shouldn't have married his behind. Not only was he showing you signs that he wasn't ready for the role to be a leader for his family, he went out and had an affair one month after you guys got married...And the affair didn't just happen. he was planning and plotting...Now you guys are married and have a new baby in the house, but he's not giving you the attention you require from him.

You knew this before marrying, but you ignored all the signs. Trust me when I say this, if you had listen to that little voice in your head when it kept saying things aren't right in your relationship and you need not to marry this guy, you ignored it, hoping this would have changed. And it did for a moment, but now you guys aren't communicating and the sparks aren't there any more...

If you really love your husband and want your marriage to work, you might have to try to bring the flavor back into your relationship...Leave little notes around the house. get a sitter for the baby and surprise your husband on his job with an afternoon nookie. We women are very creative when it comes to trying to get a mans attention. Use what your mother gave you sweetie. If that don't work, try a marriage counselor

Answer 4

you two have had a serious break down in communication! You and he should be talking and you both need to find out what it is that is making you both unhappy so that you can fix it together. Take time to also find out what it is that not only you want from this marriage, and i mean look at long term goals not short term and then talk with him about it. Let him know what it is that you're feeling and what turns you on, and ask him to tell you the same. Go out and do things a couple would do together and be supportive of each others needs, wants, and desires.

Answer 5

Usually when a spouse has an affair the flames do go out, My sister went through the same thing when she was pregnant her husband started messing around ( they were happy once apon a time) after she had the baby she caught him at another womens house... she hasnt been with him since in Nov. their child will be 4 yrs old! Some man loose intrest in women when they are pregnant not just bc theyre gaining weight but bc they are snapping and bitchy, he prob. didnt want you at the partys bc their would be drinking and smoking and it would have cause harmed to you and your baby.... but maybe it time you let him go?? Its all on your choice Good luck

Answer 6

I wish that these things didn't happen to us... to anyone... I think that maybe your husband decided in the back of his mind that he wasn't ready for a child. Maybe he feels that the relationship was better before and that it can't be the same anymore. I think you should talk to him. Ask him what does he think you too should do to make it work. Tell him that you feel rejected. Tell him that you love him and that you can still do all the great fun things that you used to do. having a baby should mean that things changes between you too... tell him that you don't appreciate the way he treats you... and see what he says... let us know if we can help more.

Answer 7

And this is why you get married BEFORE you get pregnant.

It honestly sounds like he wasn't ready for marriage or parenthood, and rebelled in textbook fashion. I don't understand why you married him either, since you say in the month or two before you got married he was already ignoring you, having parties, not spending any time with you, etc. Those were HUGE red flags you were dealing with someone who wasn't ready for the commitment you were asking him to make.

I'd reccommend counseling for the 2 of you, however, he's going to have to want to do it as well. You're BOTH going to have to want to save this relationship for it to work out. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 8

You're doing the right thing. Take steps towards better job opportunities for yourself. Start building your life like he's NOT going to be in it. It sounds like he's not grown up yet, and some men (or women) like this NEVER grow up. It's time to think of yourself and the baby now, as he's not thinking of either one of you!

Answer 9

Your flame went out when he started seeking other women when you were 6 months pregnant! I would have ended the relationship right there.

Answer 10

This is definitley NOT a good relationship. It isn't good for you or your baby. Try to talk to him and work this out, but if that doesn't work then I think it's time to end it.