What was your biggest marriage goof?

Question

What was your biggest marriage goof? What's the thing that you did which threatened your marriage? Were you able to save your relationship? Were you sorry for what you did? Tell me your story.

Answer 1

Wow, I was really looking forward to reading the answers to this one, because it seems like a very interesting question.

I think my biggest goof was not being "tougher" on outside relationships (My wife and I developed completely separate sets of friends. She didn't care too much for mine and I didn't care too much for hers). As a result, one of my ex-wife's "friends" became her lover. They're still together after a year of "going" public, we obviously are not. It might have been fixable, but she was able to hide it from me for several years (Yeah, I was an idiot. I chose to believe the woman I loved.), so it was too much time and too many lies.

I guess that's why I'm so heavy on the side of no opposite sex friends for married couples. Nothing good can come from it that you can't get from same gender friends, but there is definitely potential for damage (it might not ever happen, but why tempt fate - avoid danger).

That's really more hers than mine, but my goof fed hers, as I think we both began to take one another for granted. I never thought that my ex-wife would cheat on me, and I let myself become comfortable and began to coast. I learned that is a very quick way to kill any love relationship. Sometimes inertia kills - not explosions.

If I should marry again, I will make a point to let my wife know how much she's loved, not by just big things, but in little ways too - hugs, looks from across the room ...

Answer 2

My biggest marriage goof was thinking in both cases that I wanted to marry the woman, that little voice in my head kept telling me I was making a mistake, and no in both cases I was not able to save the relationship,

Answer 3

Blaming everyone and everything else for things that I did or said. Being disrespectful and not accepting my spouse for who he was - trying to change him. Cheated. Lied. Selfish. Everything was about me.

No - that marriage ended in divorce. Thankfully, I have learned a lot about myself and about relationships and am in a caring, loving marriage now as I have grown up and I'm with someone I didn't want to change from the get go and accept him the way he is. I have learned to show respect and to accept responsibility for my actions. I have learned to be honest with myself and honest with others. I have learned that temptations will always present themselves but I have the power to say no. I have learned that the world doesn't revolve around me and my marriage works better when I think of ways to make my husband's life better whether it's through words of praise or encouragement or by baking his favorite cookies, etc. I have learned to keep my mouth shut (most of the time) when I am angry as words can never be taken back and to be more careful on how I express my anger/disappointment.

I could write a book about everything I did wrong and how to destroy your marriage. I think I've done it all and I was quite good at it.

With God's help, I finally have grown up and can love another.

Answer 4

No marriage goofs to date. Marriage has been wonderful, everything I have expected. Marriage is awesome! I have been married over 25 years to the one and only.

Answer 5

I think that my biggest goof in my first marriage is that I picked the wrong person to say "I do" with. I ignored all the red flags in the beginning of our relationship and convinced myself that things would change. They didn't. I was young and very foolish.

Answer 6

It will be interesting to see how many women admit their mistakes on here.....lol.

I put work before my husband and in doing that not only neglected him, but the house and my responsibilities there. When he got home, I was "too tired" for any hanky panky....so he looked elsewhere.

I wasn't able to save the relationship, but we did salvage a friendship, mostly for the sake of our boys.

I am sorry for what I did, and have worked to repair my own thoughts/beliefs to better my new marriage.

I have vowed to stay at home and this is a hard thing for me, who was raised by a die-hard feminist, who taught me early on that I should never depend on a man. It is a fulltime job now for me to manange the house, and raise my boys from my first marriage, and now our beautiful 4 month old daughter.

While my husband cheating was wrong in and of itself, it never would've occurred if I'd have been the wife I should've been in the first place. Happy men don't stray.....it's past time women look at that.

Answer 7

My biggest marriage goof was marrying my ex husband

Answer 8

Getting married the first time. How was I supposed to know that he would abuse me and my children and he ended up becoming an alcoholic and a control freak. I will always regret that the marriage did not work out especially for my children. They are now grown and on their own and I am now remarried and doing better.

Answer 9

I made him my everything. I gave up friends,& family for him to make him happy. He loved it and demanded it and then could not deal with it.
No, my marriage failed and I was extremely sorry because by then I was totally alone.
Togetherness is great. But to be truly happy and successful you also must maintain some independence from each other, while remaining close. Hard lesson learned. Still hurts to think about.

Answer 10

So far, just my selfishness in general. Early in my marriage, I started to see myself through his eyes, and how I was really all about me, and I didn't like it. So I just started to make an effort to ask myself "what about him?" and little, by little I've been getting better, and concern for him coming first is coming a little more naturally.

It was no mind-blowing single event, but I'm sure it was something that really could have eaten away at our marriage if I let it continue.