I married my husband a little over two years ago and the entire time it has been a nightmare. He picks fights over the stupidest things, like if my daughter is skipping down the sidewalk or singing, or if we want to have breakfast and he doesn't he insists that breakfast is a waste of time and money.
I have given and given and worked and changed myself so much I can't recognize myself anymore. I can't be in a relationship where I am the only one trying.
We just spent a week at Disney and he found somthing to flip out about the entire time. I was miserable half the time, and it rubbed off onto all the people we were with. I finally blurted out at the airport that I couldn't do this anymore and that I would be finally for divorce when I got home. All I got was a "I don't care"
My daughter is from a previous relationship and thinks of him as Daddy. She will be heartbroken when she finds out. I don't know how to tell her. My biggest fear is that she will think it is because of her
2007-05-02 03:07:18 · 14 answers · asked by patti_jim_reynolds 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And please no lectures about marraige, I have tried to make it work for two years.
2007-05-02 03:08:27 · update #1
I forgot, he also told me that if I dovorce him he will not see her again, cause he's not legally binded to her, which will hurt her even more. So he's making it my decision whether she's gets to see him anymore. He's a jerk.
2007-05-02 03:17:07 · update #2
Her real father is not involved at all. He tried to shove me down a flight of stairs when I refused to get an abortion.She has never met him, he signed away his parental rights when she was born.
2007-05-02 03:19:16 · update #3
As much as I wish there was some easy answer there is not.
Just as you are heart broken and hurt your daughter will be as well. That is just the truth about families breaking up.
If your husband wants to be a part of the discussion then be sure what the ground rules to the conversation are before you start. You don't want him making it an ugly mean talk instead of just an informational time that your daughter can ask questions if needed, cry or just be sad with you both.
Be honest with her and reassure her that there is nothing that she did wrong nor is there anything that she can do now to repair the adult relationship. Let her know that the fact that you and your husband love each other is not always enough sometimes people just can not live together no matter how hard they try.
If he loves her and wants to keep in touch with her tell her that but if he does not then let her know that you and she will be rebuilding your lives together. Assure her that it is okay to be sad or cry and that over time the sad/hurt feelings will fade and you both will be able to laugh and smile again. Let her know that it is okay to talk to you about anything and ask any questions that she may have about the break up.
I would be sure not to belittle or bad mouth your husband (even if there are very true things that you could say) because ultimately that just makes you look bad.
Therapy for you and your daughter might not be a bad thing even if it is just so that the two of you have a neutral third party to vent frustrations without dragging mutual friends in the middle.
Snuggle your daughter and love her.
((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))
Take care!
2007-05-02 03:22:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your daughter that you and "Daddy" are getting a divorce because "Daddy" doesn't show you respect and mothers and fathers need to respect each other in order for marriages to work. He loves HER and you love HER and always will. It's not her fault, it's an adult problem. Period. She is only 5. She will get over it eventually. Does she see her actual father regularly? She should, if possible. She will exhibit behavior which is uncharacteristic for her for awhile, unless she really didn't bond with this man. But, you can always take her to therapy for a few sessions. You are doing the right thing. She is getting a bad example of how women should be treated by staying with this man.
2007-05-02 10:14:21 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I won't lecture you. I applaud you for finally putting your foot down. Divorce is never easy no matter how bad the marriage is, I would be honest with your five year old, she may not understand entirely, but as time goes on and she sees and hears things and she gets older, she'll understand. If she asks you things, tell her. There's no sense in being with someone who makes your life miserable! It's draining and prevents you from being who you are and growing etc...if he doesn't care, so be it. Move on and meet new people and be with friends etc....you'll feel like a million bucks! You probably felt like a million bucks when you told him it was over...I would have! Take care!!
2007-05-02 10:24:59 · answer #3 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever you have to do. No judgment here. In fact, I believe you should have left sooner. You are worth more than this crap that he puts you through.
My parents seperated when I was very young, about 5. My dad had a temper, and he was on drugs, which made his anger issues worse. Logically, I knew it wasn't my fault. My name had never come up in their arguments. But for some reason, I thought that I wasn't a good kid and they didn't love me enough to try and work things out.
Young children have a natural day-to-day positive attitude. I never remembered the times that my dad lost his temper and broke stuff, unless someone mentioned it. My mom didn't want me to think my dad was a bad person, but she had to sit me down and remind me that daddy yelled too much. and that it wasn't right. She explained to me that daddy yelled at her too and that he made her feel unloved. When she that, it made me cry and I told her that I loved her so she couldn't possibly be unloved.
I don't remember the rest of our conversation, but I do remember her telling me that she was doing what was best for me and that she would try to answer any questions I might have. I never really talked to her about till I was older, But the point was that she made herself available if I needed to talk. That was really what kept me calm and helped me deal with it. I know now that it was hard for her to talk about it, but it was something I needed. Don't press the issue, or constantly reasure her. Just let her know that she can come to you about anything.
2007-05-02 10:29:09 · answer #4 · answered by Lex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to lecture you but applaud you. To me sorry to say you married the sour poos for security . I to have dated woman that i thought well she has a good head on her shoulders you know nice car home just looks like they have it made and all together until i lived in there world of snobby cranky hell . I'm happy to say that I'm back with my common folk .Half the time where all broke but i get to keep my sanity and no ones trying to change me they like me for what i am and i can smile again and get a smile back .
As far as your daughter i wouldn't worry about it in a year or so if even that long she is going to forget what the guy even looks like .
2007-05-02 10:43:37 · answer #5 · answered by dad 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave, you are right.Talk to him first and see if he has intrest in seeing her after you are divorced. Then talk to her. Tell her the tow of you fight too much and you want to be apart. Tell her that you and him fight to much b/c you have too many different opinions and that you both love her and always will. Make sure she knows no matter what things will be ok for the two of you
good luck
2007-05-02 10:13:34 · answer #6 · answered by debbie v 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about that s***! Girl you have baby girl and she has her mommy. That's all it takes. Just tell her that yall are not going to be living with daddy anymore. When she gets a little older tell her that he's not her real daddy. Start to get with her real father and have him to do stuff with her. Tell him that is he can't be devoted to her all the time, then you don't want him there.
2007-05-02 10:22:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, im going to get a divorce, i will not live in the same house with daddy, we still love each other but have some things we want to work out. dont be sad, you will have two beds and two homes, you will love it
2007-05-02 10:11:34 · answer #8 · answered by Ghanouge 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I just would say that he is going away not saying how long or where or why, and just keep it simple as possible, the need to keep things positive, and keeping her on a schedule as usual....
2007-05-02 10:27:31 · answer #9 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell her the truth, you say she thinks of him as daddy,if he thinks of her as his baby and you do right also,then she won't think its her fault but she has a mind of her own,so do your best and remember that crying is a good thing,you will feel better sooner than you think
2007-05-02 10:18:51 · answer #10 · answered by take awild guess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋