i need some help understanding.and i would like a womans side and a womans advise as to what i can do to work things out email me please i really need some help
2007-05-02 00:56:02 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave her. If she's going to cheat, that obviously means that she can't committ. Do you want to "spend the rest of your life" with someone who isn't looking just at you, but looking straight through you, to everyone else? I'm sure you can find better. Move on, and don't stress.
2007-05-02 01:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by jesa ? 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
when a wife cheats, usually the temptation comes in unexpectedly, unintentionally, and definitely it didn't 'become' in just a few days. ...... unless, it's a way of getting back.
Is this the first time? cause if it is, has it ever occurred to you that maybe she is looking for attention, support, and that special caring you used to give when she wasn't your wife? a woman has special needs too.. no matter how strong a woman is, there are moments when she needs a leaning shoulder, a friend, someone she could laugh with and have fun with. we would like to do something special out of family routine, not because a woman becomes a wife, she can't have those loving eyes anymore,sometimes, we wives want something different. wives also need that 'feeling' , feeling good.Getting flowers unexpectedly, chocolates today, a warm pat on the cheeks or a long hug before you go out to work, that long lingering look across the room, uh, those could still tickle a wife and inspire her.
The role of wives are difficult. they have to play the wife, the mother, the housekeeper, the babysitter, the cook, and the mistress, the friend among a lot of things. many husbands forget these.
But husbands shouldn't also only be providers,they should also be friends, and be the lovers. i am not justifying what your cheating wife is doing but if you love her, show her, make her feel it, may be you could still get her back.
2007-05-02 01:43:03 · answer #2 · answered by Mari jaecy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going to give you the reality of it all, not the school book answer ok....
You two love each other, but somewhere she went astray and no one really knows why but her. If you feel the relationship is worth saving then you need to talk to her and understand what happened. The answer you really don't want is that she just felt like it, because that answer is cold and harsh and she is not giving a damn! You want her to show remorse for her actions but yet do not torture her for the rest of time or think that you can do it also ( 2 WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT) . Unfortunately most of us cannot move on past the incident and are forever haunted by it, now you have trust issues and such. I am going through this right now. You want to be happy but you don't know if you can ever really look at that person the same anymore. Forgiveness is the first step to healing and that is whether you stay together or not. I hope this will give you some comfort and understanding.
2007-05-02 02:03:46 · answer #3 · answered by Charisma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not all women go through that extreme at menopause, but many do. And a lot of women don't want to go on hormone therapy because of the risks involved (yeah, they say it's not risky, but when a woman gets breast cancer they take her right off the hormones...) In your situation I think you need to sit down with your wife -- maybe with a counselor -- and work out a compromise that will work for both of you. My wife and I have gone through the whole hormone shift thing, and the answer is a lot of understanding... and vibrators. When two people have sex drives that don't always match, there have to be compromises. But for a lot of women, having their partner using porn is like a huge rival that she can't fight because she's feeling old and dried up and YOU are off ogling younger women. She probably feels it as rejection, and that hurts as much as the sexual rejection you're experiencing. You need to connect emotionally and it'll be easier to deal with the physical stuff. Cheating won't help that. I suggest you find a way to keep your porn stash somewhere she won't find it, and indulge when she's out of the house. But before you do that, I think you should encourage her to see a doctor and/or counselor of some sort, because there are herbal supplements a woman can use - wild yam, for instance - to help keep her ladyparts a little more flexible.
2016-05-18 21:35:45 · answer #4 · answered by lina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's lots of sides to this
I don't think cheating can have an excuse when you are not married but when you are... its a bit different.
I want you to look at how many years you've been together and how many things you've been through as a couple, how many obstacles you have over come.
People fall into the sad delusion that once you marry you'll never have feelings for another person apart from your spouse again. (where this delusion came from I have no idea) but this fact is that you may love your partner very very very very much but sometimes when times get hard when the world dumps on you someone outside the situation seems like a great idea, and you want to do it. So it happens.
Everyone gets these urges after a certain time, there is a part of the relationship where you stop thinking about your boyfriend/husband/etc. every moment of the day and focus on other things. Romance and being in love requires work to maintain that giddyness, unfortunately after a time period hormones need to be kicked into motion. You can create those emotions in another person by doing something nice, like organising something romantic, going on a date, just doing something nice for another person.
A perfect example is the other day my I was stressed and crying, my boyfriend said he had to mail a letter and on the way home he picked up my favourite chocolate. He didn't have to, but he saw I was unhappy and tried to make it better, and the thought that he cared really helped.
The thing is that everyone will from time to time see someone outside the relationship and feel... omg that looks nice. The thing is most of us don't act on this because it would be against our moral code. You should look at the reasons she cheated and see if they are part of her personality... or whether they were a lapse in judgement, a screw up of sorts.
Look honestly the fact that you are married and are together is testament to your love, this usually means together you have something special that is worth saving. Be careful before you do something rash, its not worth the scarring that could occur to you by breaking up something special.
I also want you to go back and repeat ^^^^^ a million times if you have kids/a house/big shared investments. Speaking as a kid who came from a broken family I hate divorces and what it did to my life, please think everything through a million times before you do anything if you have anything.
2007-05-02 01:12:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this the first time she has cheated? is she a serial cheater?
Only you can decided what is best for YOU... not just for her.. or the kids...
Can you HONESTLY forgive what she has done? I am not saying things will be ok immediately.. but if you can't honestly forgive her ..
The first thing lost in a relationship that has involved cheating is trust.. can you rebuild it?? I don't think anyone can fully trust completely again after this type of situation.. can you live with not being totally trusting?
Men and women cheat NOT because of their partner.. nor because of the person they cheat with.. they cheat because of how they feel about them selves.. and HOW the other person makes them feel... usually it involves feeling young.. cared for.. loved.. adored... and honestly.. attractive... is there something missing in your marraige??? what is missing?
You have to talk to her.. find out where her head is or was when it happened.. find out what was missing... I am NOT saying it was your fault in any way shape or form.. she made the choice to go out side the marriage... but now if you really want to save the marriage.. is this a point that can make it stronger.. and better than ever...
Communication here is the key....
I hope you can work it out...
2007-05-02 01:08:26 · answer #6 · answered by gin_in_mi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband of seven years cheated on me (but this was a long time ago), so I do have some experience in this area. Basically, cheating in a marraige destroys trust and communicates to the other person (the husband or wife who is not cheating) that you don't respect their feelings. It is an extraordinarily selfish behavior and very few marraiges can survive it. I am not sure that "understanding" this behavior on your wife's part should be the goal. Rather, try to understand your own feelings and what you need from your wife to continue in this marraige. At the least, the cheating must stop NOW, or your marraige is over. Whether she means to or not, your wife is sending you the message that she doesn't care about yor feelings.....or you. That is my advice, and it comes from observing many situations like this (my own and many of my friends).
2007-05-02 01:05:45 · answer #7 · answered by Jan N 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are still posting this question? How many times do you need to be told to either get over the hurt or leave the wife. Only way to work things out is to drop the subject and move on with life. And get some counselling, but really in all seriousness, you've been on yahoo answers posting this about 10 - 15 times now. It really is time to move on in one regard or another.
2007-05-02 05:32:15 · answer #8 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what you need is not A woman's side what you need is THE woman's side-you need to go to counseling and let her tell you in a safe environment why she cheated-they say a man usually cheats for the thrill while a woman usually cheats because she is feeling unloved--I think it all comes down to something missing in the relationship-personally I think if you feel like cheating you should get help if that doesn't work you should leave-there is no good reason for cheating
2007-05-02 01:09:12 · answer #9 · answered by suan b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well the main thing is she's unhappy with something about your relationship. If you want to work things out the best thing to do would be sit down, talk to her and find out what she's un happy about or go to marriage counseling. If you don't want to work things out then i guess find a lawyer. Most of the time women cheat its because they are unhappy with some aspect of their relationship and they are finding happiness with that part from some one else.
2007-05-02 01:25:27 · answer #10 · answered by Jesse's Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun ive been on the other side of that, and i wish i could understand also, i asked him why and he said "he didnt know" but i think it was because he just got home from a deployment and i got pregnant, so ill never really know why. But you have to ask her, dont keep trying to figure out what you did wrong, or whats is wrong with you for her to do that, because youll be driving yourself nuts because i did the same thing, and remember you didnt do anything. But, you need to talk to her, tell her how you feel, and ask what happened and why she did it, if you dont know the details of what happened, dont ask her, because u may not want to know and it could put more strain and tension between the two of you, it will be alright sweetie, you never forgetit...trust me, but im sure youll find it in your heart to forgive, and so will god im sure, keep your head up and ill keep u in my prayers:)
2007-05-02 01:03:58 · answer #11 · answered by beautifultragedy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋