im 20 and this is the first time i got pregnant. have been going out with my bf for 16months now. we both live with our parents and they wouldnt be very happy if they get to know this.he wants an abortion and i agree with him to some extent but still sometimes i feel angry as to why should i deny the right to life to this little...unborn. he doesnt want me to keep it due to financial constraints on both of us. we could get married but will never be happy. i sometimes do think of leaving him and keeping the baby but its impossible--finance again. i do strongly feel that i should go ahead with abortion but its someone im going to kill to keep ourselves happy. is this rite???
2007-05-02 00:22:38 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
No Pia, it is not right and you know that in your heart. You do not kill your firstborn child because of financial concerns. If you were 14 or 15 years old my advice would be very different. You are a twenty year old woman and perfectly capable of having this baby.
If your boyfriend does not want to have a baby then HE should not have one. It has no bearing on what you should do.
He is asking you to kill your son or daughter based on his feelings. That is ridiculous. Can you imagine the anger and eventually the hatred you will have for him if you go ahead and kill your baby for him? For the rest of your life you will carry the knowledge that you killed your first baby.....and for no more reason than a concern over money? That is horrible.
If you had some reason why you could not have a baby I would understand but to say there are finacial concerns is so mercenary and cruel. No one should decide whether or not to have a baby based on whether or not they can afford it! Lets face it, most of us would not be here if our parents had decided, based on finances, whether or not they could afford us! Very few people can actually afford a baby if they sit down and put paper and pencil together. Babies are supposed to be created in love and brought to life in love. Money is not supposed to have anything to do with it. Believe me you will get by just like everyone else does. Babies are tiny little people at first and yes they can be expensive but there are many, many things you can do to get around that.
If you can not afford medical care it will be provided to you if you are pregnant. If you do not get married you will be covered under your parents health insurance, most likely. If not there is a number you can call that will give you health insurance that will cover you pre-natal care as well as delivery. It is called MaternityCard and the number is 800-804-3591. This insurance offers full benefits and is certainly worth a phone call.
Please believe me, if you abort your baby based on monetary concerns you will eventually hate yourself for it. There are women out there who are pregnant and have absolutely nothing but the baby inside of them and yet they do not give up and abort their child. That is why we have agencies to help women in your situation. You do not need the approval or the help of a man to allow you to have your child. Who does he think he is to tell you that you should kill your baby to suit him anyway? It is your body and your baby. He has no right to tell you not to have your baby.
Being a mother starts here. Stand up for your baby. This will be the first in many, many times that you will stand up and protect your baby.
When you hold your baby in your arms for the first time and he or she looks up at you, believe me you will be so happy that you did not let someone kill her. I have never seen a mother look into her baby's eyes and wish that they had aborted that sweet little life. On the other hand I can not count the young woman that have mourned the horrible decision that once made can not be un-done. You will carry it with you forever. When you do eventually have a baby you will always know that it was your second baby and you will always wonder what the first one would have been like.
Believe me this baby has special things to share with you, special things to give you. Your eyes?, dimples? the cutest giggle? tiny toes and a small, wobbly head that you will need to support.
Be sure to breastfeed. The incredible milk that you will make costs nothing and it is AMAZING! Plus breastfeeding is the most pleasurable things that the Lord ever made. ( I know for a fact, I breastfeed four babies until they were well over one year old).
Everything that your baby needs will be there. You will find a way. You have a family and believe me once they get over being upset their next order of business will be "what can we buy for the baby?". Your Mom will be planning a baby shower and you will be wondering when you will start to show.
You have life inside of you! Celebrate! You carry a gift that no man will ever know.....do not let them take it away! You are a twenty year old woman and old enough to have a baby! As I said, make this the first act of defending your baby, there will be many more, this is only the first. Be a woman. Be strong, you can do this.
You have what it takes to be a mother and it is not money. You were right to ask yourself "why should you deny life to this unborn baby?" What mother wants to deny her baby the right to feel her arms around him? the right to feel the sunshine on her face? The right to see the world and look with love at your precious face? She will listen to your voice for 9 months and recognize it when she hears it! He or she will look at you with a look that says "oh! its you!". Don't deprive yourself or your baby all the joy that life holds for you.
You can do this. Be strong. When your boyfriend sees how brave and dedicated you are he may stand up and actually be a man, but it does not matter, either way. YOU be strong for your baby. Right now all your baby needs is you and it does not matter to your baby whether you have a penny or not!
Go in for some good pre-natal care. You need prenatal vitamins that contain folic acid, don't drink or smoke and stay away from those who smoke.....(that can be the second thing you do to protect this sweet baby!).
Love and Blessings. Write to me anytime.
Lady Trinity~
2007-05-02 02:12:45 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Trinity 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No its ot right you can't just use an abortion as a form of birth control, I get it sometimes accidents happen I know I have three kids under three, I don't work iI can't we can't afford daycare, and my husband makes like $300 a week and we are doing it I am only 20 also as of 4-28-07 and my hubby is 24 so the young not financially able story is an excuse to be, you just need to figure out how to balance your finances thats all, don't give up that baby sweetie you will never stop feeling guilt and regret, you guys will be okay, tell your b/f its going to be okay and your willing to do what has to be done, plus if your income is that low the state can offer food stamps, wic pays for all the formula you will need the state also offers 100% medical coverage, no copays or anything, actually we lived in a car in a parking lot when I got pregnant the first time and my hubby made $50 a day, things always work out. Good luck hun.
2007-05-02 01:12:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
KEEP IT!!
I'm 21 and becoming a single mother. You're right, it is going to be hard financially but it's not impossible!! If you want this baby you will do what it takes for the well being of your unborn. I am 4 1/2 months pregnant, working full time and going to school 3 nights a week plus saturdays. There our so many things out there that will help you with the baby. There is Medi-Cal, WIC....and so on.
Just because you are pregnant it does not mean doors will close to you....If finances is whats making you lean to an abortion, personally I think that's a horrible excuse. I am not trying to sound mean but having an abortion takes a huge emotional toll on your heart. I may not have money for myself anymore...well not as much as I used to, but that's the sacrafices I am willing to take for my child. I know things will get better....I know it won't always be a struggle for me.....
Talk to your family, I'm sure you will have a great support system...and that's what you need. My family is there for me if I need them but my baby is my responsibility so I will do whatever it takes for the well being of my child. And by reading your question, it seems like a part of you wants this baby and would be willing to sacrafice things. Give it some thought. You have no idea what a blessing being pregnant really is....It may seem like a problem right now....but it's a blessing in disguise.....
P.s...
When you hear that little heartbeat for the first time...you will smile the biggest smile and feel happiness like you've never felt before....
I hope I helped...im sorry if I sounded mean at all. Message me if you'd like.....
2007-05-02 07:23:50 · answer #3 · answered by oOoLaLaiTzSina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you look at the research concerning women who were unsure of abortions, many have emotional troubles for the rest of their lives. This is not a casual thing. You already have doubts, you already consider this baby your child, I don't think having an abortion will go well for you. There is a lot of regret to live with. Also, what they don't tell you, is that some women have trouble ever having a child again after abortion...I am in an infertility support group and this is a common theme. I'm not trying to scare you into keeping your baby, I'm just being realistic.
If you find that you cannot handle the responsibility of a child, you can always put the baby up for adoption. Many adoption agencies will let you pick the parents for your baby and most will make arrangements so that you can keep in contact at least once a year.
Men will come and go, but you have to live with yourself and your decisions forever. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-05-02 01:52:02 · answer #4 · answered by winc564 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have a good long think about what YOU want to do. You could regret an abortion for the rest of your life...or you could regret giving birth as well...Very hard choice. For me it was easy. I got pregnant at 19 and there was no way I was not having my baby. I had him when I was 20 and I am sure he saved my life...before him I had no direction or purpose and 2 was drowning my sorrows in drink and drugs. I haven't touched drugs since finding out I was pregnant with him 14 years ago!! Best thing I ever did. I am now pregnant with my 4th child at the age of 33 and couldn't be happier.
But this is your decision. Perhaps you could tell your mum...she might be able to offer you advice or a shoulder to cry on. You are not a baby any more and surely she can't be too angry at you. Perhaps you could talk with a counsellor? You ahve a few more weeks to make up your mind before that choice is taken from you as they won't abort a fetus of a certain age. I am sure you will make the decision that is right for YOU. You are the important one in this whole equasion...don't let others push you into doing anything you don't want to do.
2007-05-02 00:36:16 · answer #5 · answered by West Aussie Chick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, let me tell you..... finance might be a problem - but where there is a will there's a way. You need to tell your parents, and he should tell his. I am 21, and I have a 2 year old son. I live with my parents still. They love my son and weren't TOO mad when they found out. You don't HAVE to marry this guy, and nobody should force you 2 just because you got pregnant. You're parents might be way more supportive then you think. If you go through with an abortion, you might regret it for the rest of your life..so while now you think it might solve everything and you'll be happy, that's probably untrue. Good luck with whatever you choose!
2007-05-02 01:54:24 · answer #6 · answered by ~*Isabel*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember one thing.... it's YOUR decision to make. It's such an emotional and difficult decision all around. First.. the boyfriend. If he's willing to sit and discuss helping you make a decision... fine. But he can't dictate what you should do. Can you take care of a baby? You have some choices, so abortion isn't the only one. But just don't make your decision based on what ANYONE else would think, or what ANYONE else wants you to do. You also have the option to make arrangements for adoption of the baby. Do some research... and do it fast. There are open adoptions where you not totally out of your baby's life, and closed of course. NO ONE ELSE CAN MAKE THIS DECISION FOR YOU. Do NOT get an abortion FOR your boyfriend. Whatever you decide, you are the one who has to live with the decision, whether you abort, give the baby up for adoption or you keep him/her... no one else. Get some help outside the family. IT'S YOUR C*H*O*I*C*E!!!!!!
2007-05-02 00:39:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am anti abortion so I am going to be honest. You are already calling it a baby rather then a fetus like some do. So you are recognizing your baby is infact a baby. If you cant keep your baby then give it to someone you can. Would you suck your newborn through a vaccumn to get rid of it? Money is not everything. You can get help to get you into college and help with daycare. I am sure if you parents do not agree with abortion then they will help you. They may be upset at first but I am sure they will come around. You said it yourself...kill to be happy well in 10 years when you are older and have a couple kids and you and your future husband loses a job or something happens to cause you financial mishap are you going to kill your kids to make you happy. Money only makes greedy people Happy...love can make you much happier.
2007-05-02 00:42:16 · answer #8 · answered by Ladybugs77 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is freaking out. If he is old enough to have sex than he is old enough to take care of this baby. Do not be forced in to anything, not by anyone. If you do not believe in abortion, maybe give the baby up for adoption. If you want to keep the baby keep the baby. If your thinking of dumping the guy now, I would do that. Babys are not an answer to a bad relationship. The baby won't keep you two together. If there are problems now, deal with it. Come up with answers your parents are going to ask you. If you can, try getting a job now to save up money for the baby. You sound like you want to keep the baby. It's up to you to make that decision. Good Luck sweety.
2007-05-02 01:23:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie do what you think is right for you and the baby. Me and my son's father were together 2 years and i got pregnant right after my 18th birthday. What i decided to do was leave him before i had my baby and do it on my own. there are people out there willing to help you. You just have to swallow your pride and ask for help. One day when you are older you will thank god for it. If you don't decide to keep the baby at least what you could do it give it up for adoption. If you have an abortion you will always wonder what he or she was like... but if you think of adoption you can see pictures and possibly see the child. all im saying is think before you act on something like this.... It's a BIG step and as for the father figure, My son is now 2 years old and he has never had his father in his life and he is doing great . Sorry if i bored you with my answer i just wanted to let you know my prespective on it. Thanks for your time hun if you need to talk my email is Korbinzmum@yahoo.com
2007-05-02 00:36:42 · answer #10 · answered by *´`*♥♡Sarah☺ Beanz♡♥*´`* 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋