my husband does not want to have sex with me, why?

Question

before we got married we used to have sex all the time but since we got married he always finds an excuse not to do it. he's always out and comes home late at night. i suspect he does this to avoid having sex. whenever i would try to initiate sex he would always have some excuse. but he would always talk about how he wants to have sex with me, for example when i'm at work he would say that he'd like to do it tonight, how he'll do it, etc, etc. but when it's the time to do it he would have an excuse. it's really confusing me, i would like to think that i'm not unattractive. i believe that he loves me and i know for sure that he's not cheating on me. maybe you guys can help me shed some light on this.

thanks reah, i love what you said. but you see i have done this before, wearing sexy lingerei. one time i got so aggressive and did all the sexy magic only we girls know how do to. you know what he did he cried, he freaking cried and told be that he's so stressed with work. well i said to my self BS! he's not the only one stressed out... i feel stressed out too. this situation is taking a toll on our married life.

and i have not let my self go, i would go as far as saying that i'm attractive, dang i would even say i'm hot! my gosh! this is really making me angry as hell!

Answer 1

If everything else is very good besides that, don't sweat it honey, and get yourself a nice vibrator!!!

Answer 2

If he is stressed enough to burst into tears then you need to be a bit more sensitive, hun. I know you are frustratedbecause you want a "normal" married relationship, but now that he has been honest enough to open up about his feelings (and yes, stress CAN affect your sex drive) you can do something about it as a couple. Try and arrange some time when you can sit down together, just the two of you, in a relaxed space and talk about why he is so stressed - and remember that this time is about him and his needs, not yours - and see if there is any way to solve the problems he is facing at work - is there anything you can do to help him? Also stop putting pressure on him - from the sounds of it he has enough of this at work and getting pressured at home will not help the problem.
You could also try taking a week away together somewhere relaxing - the break might be just what he needs.
If none of this works, try relationship counselling, they may be able to provide some kind of help.

Answer 3

Maybe he has ED or worst case he may be cheating. If he has ED then he can't perform, he may want to but he can't....however there is a possibility he has a porn issue as well maybe he is taking care of things before he sees you and then again can't or doesn't want to perform. Worst case senario is that he is cheating....I really don't know what else to tell you but stress will only make him go for a week without sex or so. Whe he does all this talking about sex when you're at work, see if you can slip away one day and show up at the house, he would be really hard pressed for an excuse if he was the one who said he wanted to fool around.

Answer 4

This may be brutally honest, but here goes. He might have some physical or emotional ailment that is curtailing his desire. Think on that one. Maybe he is surfing the web for porno and then masturbating to the point he is already sexually satisfied. Are you sure that he still loves you? Maybe he is trying to hide something that having sex with you would reveal. Maybe you have a hygiene issue of which you are not aware. Think about that one, too. If you have a strong odor in your genital area, but know that you are very clean, you could have an infection and the odor is putting him off and he does not know how to talk to you about it. Maybe he is cheating, despite your beliefs and just does not have any left over for you. Regardless of any of the above being right or wrong, the principal problem between you and your husband is communication. You need ot have a very in depth and frank discussion with him. For God's sake you're married!!!!!! You absolutely MUST share things and work through them for the marriage to last and become stronger. If he knows of your concerns and will address them with you, then you are on the road to fixing the problem. If he won't talk about the issues, then you have bigger problem. Just be up front, blunt and candid, be assertive. Clearly he cannot.

Answer 5

He could just be nervous. If you guys just got married, he could be dealing with a lot of new stuff.

I'd recommend really taking the initiative here. Figure out about when he's going to be home from work. Don't wear much -sexy or not, doesn't matter- and wait by the door. When he opens the door, take him by the shirt collar, drag him inside and give him a long, hard, lingering kiss. Let one hand trail down and grab his manly parts. If you continue in that vein, it's pretty much a done deal. Be firm and if he tries to get away, don't let him.

Answer 6

You know what...too much stress has been known to cause impotence in men. Maybe that is his problem, and hes scared to say anything. If hes stressed, take him seriously and be more intune with HIS needs....
Find out why hes stressed, and try to make it better for him and yourself.

If this doesnt solve the problem...Schedule a mini vacation....get away for a weekend together, and just chill out....Go to a bed and breakfast for a couple days, pamper yourselves, let your troubles go. Spend time talking, and getting back to where things were before you were married...COMMUNICATION is very important.

Counseling..may not be a bad thing either..A couple of sessions might break the ice and get the root of the problems.....

Good luck!!

Answer 7

Talk to him about going to a doctor. I had the same problem and my doctor ran some blood test and I was low on testosterone. I get 1 shot a month and it really helps my desire. Most of all sit down and have a serious discussion about how this is affecting your marriage. When he realizes that he will go to the doctor. My doctor recommended exercise to increase blood flow. I have lost some weight and I feel better about the way I look. Also try making love somewhere out of the ordinary, us men love that. It's something different and more exciting. Good luck

Answer 8

You need to look at yourself properly and find out if theres something thats changed about you. Perhaps since you have gotten married you have "let yourself go" in appearance. If you have, try and get back into it with sexy clothes and generally looking good for him.

But, you also should speak to him. Communication is the best way to solve a problem. Not shouting or arguing, but discussion.

Good luck!

Answer 9

If your sure that he's not cheating then it sounds to me that you may have a Mama's boy case on your hands or he probably was sexually abused as a child. These a typical behavior symptons that you are describing to me of that sort. Some men like the excitement of premarital sex, it turns them on. Once you are married, it just kills the excitement. But back to the mama's boy thing: I recommend that you read up on Emotional Incest. Usually a child gets close to parents of the opposite sex in ways that only should be between two lovers, but does not involve sex. It usually cause a whole lot of problems for the child when they grow up. Now that you and he are close, you are probably reminding him or making him feel as if it is a relationship with his mom and just feels as though he is going to have sex with her, subconciously. Well all what i'm saying are just speculations, but your marriage is headed for trouble and I urge you both to seek professional help(marital counseling) to find out what the problem is. But I don't think that you are the problem...it is something deeper than you and goes way back to his childhood...then again....one may not know until one ask. Try and talk with him first. Don't not forget to read up about that emotional incest topic...it might play a role in this. Still be patient and show love. God bless you both.

Answer 10

I know how you feel. Stress can be a huge factor., low self esteem on his behalf, he may feel uncomfortable in himself, could be a communication breakdown to the point that you don't see it but he feels like he is intruding. (trust me this does tend to be an issue at some point)
The best advice is to sit down & talk to him tell him how you feel and then shut your mouth & allow him to talk, without you saying anything. Just listen to what he has to say (I know from experience this is really hard, but learn the trick of comunicating through listening & your hubby will be more than apreciative)
Eventually it swings back, but for now be there with your ears, showing your love & respect for him and in doing this, you will gain so much more from it than you can ever imagine.
Best of luck
P.s I asked my hubby & he agreed with this answer, having gone through something similar.

Answer 11

it could be a lot of things. he might be having a libido problem due to some medication he is taking. if he's older, you might suggest that he have a prostate examination done. it could be he is not properly stimulated. ask yourself what can you do to stimulate him into having sex? what was it that used to turn him on before you got married? maybe you need to revisit that time period to see what changed, and maybe go back to what worked before. get in his brain and figure him out. there are some husbands out there who likes a wife that will "whore" for them. maybe it might be something as simple as a weekend getaway at a hotel, resort or spa. or a more complicated scenario as a manage-a-toit! you will have to get to know your husband, get into his mind and see exactly what he wants.