my mother in law really pissed me off by giving me the silent treatment after my wife told her about one of our fights. after that i told her i'm not going to the beach with her whole family this summer and staying with her parents because she disrespected me in front of my wife and my wife didn't do crap. she doesn't care. it's like her parents are more important. i feel not married and i told her i'm done with her parents until she respects me and that means not going to the beach with her and her parents. am i being too much of a egomaniac? it will harm my marriage but i think she'll respect me more if i stand my ground. what do you think ladies? she won't talk to her mom which concerns me. it's like well my paretns are more imortant than you.
2007-05-01 16:25:00 · 17 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should stand your ground. Yes she loves her parents but she left the nest to be with you. It is probably very tough for her to be in the middle but as long as it is easy to toss your feelings aside...... she will do it. Just make sure if you say you are not going to the beach, you don't go to the beach; otherwise she will not see how important this is to you. You have to do something to get her attention, not going on a family vacation with her parents should be enough to do it.
Good Luck I hope you can work it out!
2007-05-01 16:31:24 · answer #1 · answered by Heather 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the marriage ceremony it says"forsaking all others" All couples have fights occasionally, but they should be private and not shared with in laws. which is the first wrong action here. The M.I L should not have give you the silent treatment ( unless you said something really bad about her!) which your wife should not have repeated anyway.So we have a some blame to spread around to all the individuals concerned. I think, like all of us you have to try and get along with the inlaws if you want a happy marriage. because they will hopefully respond to your efforts and will be even more ready to be friendly if and when the kids start arriving. My advice would be go to the beach with the family if things don't work out enjoy the water and the sun and know that you have made an effort to save your marriage.
2007-05-01 23:44:31 · answer #2 · answered by curiously me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, she is going to talk to her mom, so you may as well get over it. This will be awkward and if her mom crosses the line, like she has, then she will get mad at her too. I know, I have done it. She will work it out with her mom, and you need to suck it up. Tell her that her family is important, but you would rather keep the personal issues between the two of you. She will still confide in her family at times, because she needs someone to talk to. Let it go, but if her mom is disrespectful to you, then set her mom straight. Hopefully, she will respect your opinion and everything will blow over. Don't refuse the vacation, this will only cause more problems. Talk to your wife, that is what married couples do and compromise.
2007-05-01 23:33:20 · answer #3 · answered by Shanna h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're right, and your wife is wrong and way out of line! I don't blame you one bit for feeling the way that you do. your wife needs to get her priorities in order! you come before her parents! and she shouldn't be telling her mother about private matters that concern only you and your wife! and your mother-in-law owes you an apology!
it sounds like your wife just needs to cut the apron strings and start behaving like a wife instead of a cry baby who has to run to her mother everytime something doesn't go her way!
you are doing the right thing, and you're right for standing your ground! your wife is going to have to make some serious changes or I have a feeling that she's going to be losing a husband who loves her very much. and if it comes to that, it's her own fault! you deserve to be treated better than this!
Best Wishes Sweetie.
2007-05-01 23:49:12 · answer #4 · answered by atiana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would cool down and explain to your wife that your guys fights are your fights and the details shouldn't be shared. Especially with our Mother. Good Lord...I learned that lesson a while ago. Anyway, tell her that. Of course her Mother will be upset with you and side with her daughter on everything, that's what Mom's do. That's why its so important to leave them out of it. Your wife screwed up by blabbing. Tell her to respect both of your privacy and leave Mommy out of it. I would plan to go to the beach, but be firm about no more sharing "stories" with Mom!!!
2007-05-01 23:33:35 · answer #5 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a woman, but am answering. Your wife has to understand the concept of "leave and cleave" meaning you are her family now, and anything that goes on between you two is nobody's business. The problem is you both fix something and have closure, but the family members that were brought into it do not get that, they still are upset that their daughter is upset.
Have a talk with her about this, share that you are hurt and see if she can learn to keep it between you two instead of bringing other people into it. It will develop better intimacy and keep family peace.
2007-05-01 23:30:47 · answer #6 · answered by Travis McGee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the hell is she discussing your fights with them for??? Your wife needs to discuss them with you.... not her mom. The solution and the settling of whatever disagreement you two have is not going to come from her mother....... she needs to be talking to you if she's pissed..... not whining to someone else. I predict that you will be waaaaay too busy at work to go to the beach this summer, unless she starts talking to you..... But wouldn't it be great to give your mother-in-law the silent treatment ?? And you can work on your tan at the same time!!
2007-05-01 23:38:00 · answer #7 · answered by dathinman8 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, here's the thing. If my mother or anyone else, said some nasty comment or did something disrespectful to my husband in front of me, I'd expect him to stand up for himself. Of course, he's not a coward when it comes to things like that. Besides, it sounds like your wife probably agreed with her mother and just because she's your wife, doesn't mean she can't disagree with you. Talking to her mother about your relationship is normal. You are all family. Of course, it's not her mother's place to do much about it, but that's when you standing up for yourself could have come in. Instead you just cry like a little boy.
I think you are not handling this well. You don't have to like her parents, hell most of us don't even like our own parents, but you have to tolerate them. Go to the beach. Forget it and move on with life. Next time around, stick up for yourself and allow your wife to have her own opinions. If you can't do that, you don't want a wife, but some subservient worshipper.
2007-05-01 23:34:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
first and foremost you are not MARRIED to your MOTHER IN LAW. your wife was way out of line going and telling her parents about one of your fights, unless you used physical violence she had no reason to tell them. sounds to me like your married to a little girl that still needs her mommy and you need to tell your wife that this is your and her marriage and tell your mother in law your not married to her. the whole silent treatment thing is juvenile i can see why your wife acted the way she did running to mama , her mama didn't grow up either.
2007-05-01 23:32:35 · answer #9 · answered by Sparky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law's giving you the silent treatment? So what exactly is the problem? Suck it up and go to the beach. The silent treatment can only annoy you if you let it.
2007-05-01 23:37:17 · answer #10 · answered by Stephen L 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋