If you were my mom, what would you think?

Question

I am 23, independant and have been since I turned 18 and went off to school. I dont have much of a relationship with my mom but as Ive gotten older Ive also become more forgiving. ive been living with my boyfriend for the last 2 years. We are pregnant, just found out its a teeny litte girl (yay!). I talk to my mom probably once every two months or so, even though she only lives 10 minutes down the road. I am thinking about getting her a card for mothers day that says something like "happy mothers day grandma!" and include a picture of the sonogram. Do you think she will be happy and excited, or scared and angry? Again, we dont have much of a relationship but since shes my mom I want her to be the first to know, other than my boyfriend. This pregnancy is totally unplanned and I am not really ready for it, emotionally or financially but every day its getting better. I also live in Wellesley, MA and incase you dont know the area is probably one of the most affluent

communities in the country. I work as a waitress, and I rent a great little apartment here. My mom however lives a town over, in a crappy house with no hot water and she doesnt always pay her bills, the electric is often just off etc. etc. Anyways, living in this area and being pregnant at 23 and unmarried is unheard of it. what do you think she will say? im getting pretty nervous to tell her

also, i should add. i planned on hand delivering the card, on mothers day of course. and i want my dad and my sister (19, who im close with) to be there

Answer 1

I think it's a wicked good idea as long as you don't go into with any preconcieved notion of how you WANT her to react because she may act very differently and you want mothers day to be happy for you since it's your first...

Congrats..and I hope it works out well

Answer 2

I can answer from both sides of the fence. I was 21 and unmarried when I got pregnant with my first child. My mother, although not happy about the circumstances, was just thrilled at being a Grandma. She was upset at first, but it didn't take long (not even a matter of hours) before she started planning on what to buy the baby, and stuff.

Speaking as a mother of a young man whose girlfriend got pregnant ... well, I think I was the same as my Mom. I was disappointed, my first question was "Is this a good thing, or a bad thing?"
When he said "Well, sort of good" I was thrilled. I couldn't wait to get off the phone and call all my friends "i'm gonna be a Grandma, I'm gonna be a Grandma"

I think the card idea is great, just give it to her in person. It's much easier to judge a person's reaction in person.

Answer 3

I moved in with my boyfriend (who was 22) when I was 20. After living together for a year, I turned up pregnant. We waited three months then geared up to tell the "grandparents." My parent's ONLY worry was that my boyfriend and I would feel pressured into a marriage we didn't really want. I assured her that we DID want to get married and had been talking about it for quite some time.

My boyfriend's parents did not react so pleasantly. When he called his mother to break the news...she freaked out and said "how am I supposed to tell me friends!" as if this was some sort of personal crisis for her. She hardly spoke to us for months and refused to discuss the baby or our wedding plans. His father was much more easy going about it all and often times put his wife "in her place" when she was getting carried away.

We were married when I was 4 months along. We had a beautiful baby boy and our parents instantly became head over heals in love with their grandchild. (we're expecting baby number two this September!)

So...even if your mom is scared for you, just remember that she is just concerned because she loves you. Once she sees that precious baby for the first time, she'll be all smiles :)

Answer 4

hi,
congratulations to you!
This is a hard one, because i understand your point of view and also the things that worry you.
You need to break it to her carefully.
Your card idea might be too mcuh of a shock.If your relationship was better it would be clever but from what you say I think its a bit risky. Its throwing it in her face.
I really think you ought to ring her up and ask to meet with her.
when you see her face to face try gently to explain that you have something important to tell her and you are not sure how she will react. Say you know she might be worried , shocked or upset but you want to tell her as she is your mother and you want to tell her first. she will appreciate it if you acknowledge that she is your Mom before you tell her.
She will very likely be shocked. Be prepared for shocked comments and try not to react if she says anything you dont like. this is unpredictable. Tell her how much you want the baby and that you know there are problems, even pointing them out. this also will help because it shows you are an adult who has thought this through and have still decided to go ahead. If she sees that you are logical, have thought it out and are calm about it Im sure she will come around to the idea. Most mothers get upset when they think their daughters are too young, unprepared or will not be able to cope. you can get rid of a lot of these objections by being really adult in the way you break the news.
The main thing is when you tell her, let her react like she does...dont argue. If things go badly then say as calmly as possible, Youre my Mother and I wanted to share my good news with you first above all others...then make excuse and leave. she iwll remember you saying this afterwards and it too will probably help too.
Its a hard situation, but as you have been independant so long and shown you are able to take care of yourself Im sure it will be ok.
If I was your mother thats how i would feel...i would worry you hadnt thought it through and wonder how you would manage...if you show you have thought of all that she will probably come round to being thrilled at the prospect!
I wish you so much luck!

Fiona

Answer 5

dont be nervous. Ive heard you can never totatly be ready for a baby and as i get further along in my pregnancy and it sets in i will have a baby here soon. I believe it! Even though i have a supportive family now and a great husband it still remains true no matter what.
I think that even though you dont have much of a relationship with your mom and you wanting her to be one of the first to know is really great! Are you prepared though? im not saying she wont be happy but are you prepared if she isnt? i dont mean to dog on your mom but she dosnt sound like one to judge and as long as your willing to stand up and take care of your responsibilities then i think she should be proud!
If she is happy then that makes it all easier but when i first told my parents they werent to crazy about it, said some hurtful things, even though i was "engaged to be married" i still wasnt married. We pushed the wedding up not cause of them but just thought we would like to be married b4 the baby came. personal choice. and everybody is different. You will pass by people who said "get married" or "its a sin" and you know what!? a big.. F-YOU! to thoes people :)
keep yourself and your partner happy and you will be golden.
good luck and congrats..... o and i think the whole card thing is a great idea! :)

Answer 6

Hi, i would give her the card. In person if you feel comfortable. Usually having kids, brings a mother and daughter closer together.

She cannot be angry with you. You are not 16 and you have been with your boyfriend for 2 years. (not like a one night stand)

She is going to be a grandma and a proud one. She probably will be really nervous for you. The best part is she will remember when she was pregnant with you. She will be able to give you advise also.

All the best, congrats to u, partner and granny!

Answer 7

congrats on your new baby,,,!!!,,anyway,,i really wouldnt send her a card telling her,,if i were u, i would take time and go over there and talk to her and tell her the good news in person,,just think,,,how would u react if ur child told u that way,,,i think u would feel kinda insulted,,,and if she seems upset just tell her ur plans on raising ur child,,,how u would keep ur job and how ur boyfriend would help out,,u have to reassure her that u can do this,,,plus your gonna be a mother now,,,and i dont think a women needs her mom more in life than right now,,,i wouldnt give up my relationship with my mom for anything,,,she loves and adore my daughter,,i would never take that away from her no mattter what our relationship is like,,,,i know its hard but give ur mom a chance to be a grandma,,,shell love u for it

good luck

Answer 8

I'd say it's a great idea. I'm 23 and pregnant and MARRIED and my mom was still shocked as hell when I told her. Also an unplanned pregnancy (They are not any easier to deal with just cuz you have a ring on your finger btw) Go with it. She deserves to know. And I think that's a great way to tell her.

Answer 9

My mom was angry when she found out that I was pregnant. I was 17. I have to say she got over it pretty quickly when she realized she was going to be a grandma. I think it is this way with most women. Anyway, my daughter's birth actually stregthened my relationship with my mother. I hope the same happenes to you.

Answer 10

she may be a little disappointed at first, but I think overall she'll be happy and excited.
she will probably try to pressure you to get married, but really it might be a good idea if you did just to give the baby some stability. you've been living with him for two years, so maybe this is a sign it's time for that.
good luck.