My 5 month pregnant gf dumped me, I love her and want to be there and she gave me some hope.?

Question

My gf is 5 months pregnant and she dumped me and I love her very much. I want to be married and have a family. She is 24 and so am I and we have been together 2.5 years. But I cant sleep, havent eaten in 4 days and lost 18lbs, I shake, cry, irritable, hard time falling asleep and staying asleep, no energy and just feel like crap. The doc today diagnosed me with depression, anxiety, and insomnia. I cry and pray every night to get through this and we be ok. I leave her a little email note wishing her a good day and that I love her and she does read them because I have checked. I care about her and want to be together as a family more than anything in the world. I am just going to give her time and pray for the best and try to get better myself. I want her to know I will be there for her and that I am not leaving this child.
She just Im'ed me and said give her a couple of more days and maybe we can talk. I am so happy she spoke to me and I dont want to screw up. ADVICE PLEASE!!

Answer 1

My best advice to you is just give her some space. Pregnancy is very hard to deal with sometimes. Its stressful on relationships. Shes probably just really scared not to mention the raging hormones. This is a big change in the both of your lives, just give her space & let her know that your there whenever shes ready to allow you to be. You sound like a good guy so dont stress too much over it im sure it will all work out! Good luck & congrats!!!!

Answer 2

Iirc you said that you hadn't let her know how much this upsets you, right? So, if you haven't let her know, then I suggest that tomorrow (Wednesday) after you wake up after hopefully a good night's sleep, you send her an email with something along the lines of "Honey, thank you for sending me an IM. I've been feeling horrible since you've dumped me. The sooner we could talk the better, I'd really like to clear things up between us." (You can plagiarize this if you want). I wouldn't go into detail in that email about being depressed etc the way you have here on Yahoo Answers, I'd only let her know that in person, but it is reasonable and fair to let her know that you're feeling bad and that you'd like her to not let you wait this long. She's already had a few days to think... she chose to let you knock her up, that means that you two were in a committed relationship that she can't just walk out of like that and then ignore you for days on end. Even if she's serious about dumping you then you two ought to get together to talk about how to take care of the baby; how to share those duties if you're not living together.

If the only thing her mom is telling her is that you won't be there for her then you should be fine, btw, as over time it will become obvious to her that you're still there so that her mom is wrong.

Answer 3

Hi,
you have a lot going on here.
there are several issues.
First, why did you split? what happened, did you do something you shouldnt? cheat? Lie? It depends if its something she can forgive or not. It also depends on her attitudes...some women can forgive cheaters for instance, not saying you are one, while others can never forgive that, so that reason is most important.
Secondly she is pregnant. Pregnant women have loads of hormones racing through their bodies. you cannot think straight when pregnant and you get emotional really easily.
she says she needs time so please try and respect that and leave her alone.
I think your notes are great. they show you are there and willing to wait. If there is a chance then this is a good move. I would try hard not to irritate her with phone calls etc. Make it clear you are there for her when she wants you.
You are going to have to be a saint here...you need to be understanding and dependable for her. Pregnancy is such a roller coaster of emotions. She will be thinking of the impending baby and the changes to her life. she will worry about how she or you the pair of you will manage and cope. If she can see you are calm and dependable then she may come round to having you back.
I think making it clear you want to be a father is great. It is always good for any child to have both parents involved, and in these days too it is good to know a father who will not abandon his child whatever the outcome of the relationship.
you are going to have to do a lot of careful negotiations...Try not to accuse or get angry if you do talk. Take the attitude that pregnant women do no wrong! always a winner1
i am sorry for you because depression is a terrible thing. I have suffered with it myself so this is going to take a supreme effort from you.
the fact you are asking for advice and help leads me to believe you really do care and have a good chance so long as the break up wansnt over something awful!
I wish you all the luck in the world...
Also remember a bunch of flowers makes a great impression if you meet up to talk!

Good luck again.

fiona

Answer 4

Hey I remember you from a couple days ago. Give her time. She really is going through a lot right now. Most of us have given you some pretty good advice. Try and hang in there. It's hard, but you've got to do it. She's going through a lot more right now especially with a complicated pregnancy. Do yourself a favor for right now. Try and take your mind off of this. Call a couple of your buddies and have them all get together at one house and play some poker this week or just go out and do something. It'll get you out of the house and help you pass the time for a couple days when your gf says you can maybe talk. Continue with the meds the doctor prescribed and don't do anything drastic in terms of your life. Just hang in there. Prayers and wishes are going out to you and your gf.

Answer 5

Try to calm down and relax for one thing. Your getting super stressed over the situation will not help you or her in the longrun.

Secondly, give her some space. I know me and my husband had some spats and arguments around this time because of all the hormonal/body changes, morning sickness and confusion I went through.

Half the time I didn't even feel like myself.

When you do talk to her, really try to listen and understand what's going on and how she feels. Come up with suggestions and ways that you can both accomplish what it is you want by compromising/improvising.

Express your concerns but if she seems to get aggravated back off a bit and let her calm down as well.

Hope this helps!

Answer 6

You have to learn say no and stick to it. This woman is obviously bad for you. She doesn't love you, rather she enjoys the power trip she gets in controlling you. As to why hasn't she moved on - we all have different ways of coping. Some people can move on and others can't. Some people keep playing the same memories over and over again and won't let them go. The fact that she is still so caught up over you despite a restraining order and being exposed for everything else shows a fundamental lack of judgement on her part. You don't want to tie your self to someone with such poor judgement. Cut this woman out of your life for good and move on. No ifs ands or buts. If at all possible - by all means reinstate this restraining order. Use the experience you had with this woman to learn about how to pick someone better suited for you. Don't just take anything the tide washes up. This is why it is important to date someone a bit before you commit to a relationship. You have to use your experience and initiative to weed out unsuitable candidates. You have suffered more than enough for not using some discernment in picking a girlfriend. I would talk about ways to pick a good partner with some trusted friends, family members and your counselor. Best wishes to you and good luck!

Answer 7

First of all calm down! Definately give her her space. You don't want to be a family if you both aren't in love. That would be worse for the baby. Why did she dump you to begin with? If you cheated on her, then it's over, and let her go. If it's something else, then after a week or so, try to talk things out. Don't pressure her, and for goodness sakes stop going crazy over this, and be a man about it! Stop e-mailing her, that's not giving her space. The best way to win her back is by getting control of your emotions first. Noone wants a sissy.

Answer 8

For starters, try not to get your hopes up too high in case she doesn't come around. Women go through very drastic changes during pregnancy and this perhaps could be a hormone issue on her part. You need to step back and analyze the reasons she is giving you. Women usually do not leave a man for no reason. You need to find out the reason, and try to come to a honest solution. When you do have your talk in a few days ask her what her expectations are from you. What she needs and come up with a plan to meet those needs and fallow through. pregnancy is a hard time for women and you need to be understanding and respect what she says. But in case she does decide to part ways you need to accept it. You can not force anyone to do what they don't want to do. Seek counseling if she is not willing to reconcile for your own mental safety. Good luck!

Answer 9

Let her know that you are there for her, but give her her space. Pregnancy sometimes does weird stuff on women's emotions and thinking- adding "relationship stress" could push her over the edge where she doesn't want anything to do with you. Keep praying. And I would agree that you need to get yourself well- that way, no matter what happens with your relationship with your gf you will be in a better place to be a part of your child's life.

Answer 10

listen to her and give her some time. use this time to take care of yourself. I have friend with depression, anxiety and insomnia and some days she just has to be byherself to think things through. She's on meds so I don't worry too much as I did before about her being alone, but I've learned that some days, for her, will be hard and other days will be good. Just take it easy for a little bit. I know its much harder to do than to say, but try. Take care!