Groups where it's all women and I'm the only man?

Question

After my wife died, I tried to go to 2 different grief support groups in person and several online grief support groups. Each of these situations were so that they were all women and I was the only man. Obviously it was very awkward for them and very awkward for me, and they didn't work. Every single situation like this is like this - they just carry on like I'm not even there, they just totally ignore me, they call each other, they don't say a word to me. So they people at church don't feel comfortable with me since my wife died, and they tell me to go to a grief group and then I go to a grief group- and they are all women and they aren't comfortable with me either. I'm very quiet and I'm not a person that reaches out very easily, until you get to know me anyway. I've got it in my head that women are extremely selfish because they just carry on like I'm not there. I don't think it should matter that it's awkward. They should try to include me. I never even had a chance..

I tried to start a men's only group and I advertised it well and nobody showed up. In fact I could only find only one other man who had lost a spouse and he had many friends and a big family and didn't need support, unlike me, I dont' have any family here and I don't know anyone - I was just very quiet and let my wife do her thing..

I am not seeking to be disrespectful of women - this has been my experience in about 10 groups so far. So I made their little girls group awkward. they shouldn't allow men then. I don't know anybody like my wife was. I haven't had a good experience so far, and I don't think it's my fault. IT might be but honestly I doubt it.

my wife was very outgoing and me, I'm very shy - it's not easy for me to socialize, if things go wrong I withdraw quickly and I don't try again. I know I shouldn't be that way but I am.

thanks - I'm not trying to be difficult. But if the women wanted a girls club they should say women only. If they say men are allowed then men should be supported and included if they come. I don't think there's an excuse for acting like this. I know it's awkward for everyone. it doesn't matter. Am I wrong in my thinking?

Answer 1

Maybe you should start a grief group for men only. It only takes a newspaper add. I'll bet you will connect with lots of men who have the same problem.

Lots of men are afraid to let emotions show in front of women (my Dad is one), but is fine talking with other men.

Please don't give up on finding companionship. Do anything and everything you can think of to be around people. Join a pool league, volunteer, travel, card games. It is very hard for normally reserved people to start over alone, but it will be easier if you have an activity to focus on while you are making new friends.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 2

Men die first in this marriage culture so it is not unusual to find mostly women at these things. The reason you are probably being rejected is because "There is a man in our women's club" attitude among them. Their respective husbands were the only ones for them so you are the outsider. Women with this attitude do not seserve a gentleman like yourself.

Answer 3

They are unfortunatly selfish, at least in a much much higher percentage than men. It's just harder for them to see it in themselves and when they do, they don't care anyway. Try a bowling alley, join a league, or darts, you will get a lot more support from your own gender.

Don't thumb me down women, you know it's true; don't make me prove it and embarass all of you :)