why do people assume all women want to have a baby?

Question

i am so sick of being verbally abused by people i don't even know about my choice to remain childless. i am in a very happy marriage of 14 years and we've made a conscious, well thought out choice to not have kids. when people hear this they immediately attack us (primarily me). what is the deal?

Answer 1

I don`t , but usually married people do have children I guess that`s why you get hassled.
I get hassled a different way , I `m a single parent and I get asked when are you going to look for a wife and get married ? So I can relate.
Enjoy your marriage .

Answer 2

I thinks its because most women who get married tend to have children, and everyone's probably used to hearing someone getting married, than having a child. They might just be surprised and confused by the fact that you do not want a child. Hopefully, they can understand that not all women want a child. But its something new to them. The records say that more women are holding off on having children, so maybe their oppinions will change and have a better understanding why women like you choose not to have a child. And that is perfectly fine. Do what makes you fell happy and comfurtable and dont worry about what the others say, because they will soon find out more and more stories a women holding off with children.

Answer 3

Like any other time people assume things based on ignorance and their own small perception of the world, they are shook up when these ideas are presented to them. They force an idea that is contradictory and therefore must be an afront to their nature. The best thing you can do is try not to get angry and understand their point of view. This doesn't mean you have to accept or like it, but there's no need in upsetting yourself because other people are stupid. As long as you're not out there trying to tell them they're wrong for doing what they do (which is another assumption they make about your decision) then you're totally in the right when you cut people off and walk away in mid sentence.

Answer 4

Because primarily that is the women's purpose in life, to procreate.

And despite technology crap, primitive instincts are still prevailent.

Guys still need to fight, challenge, compete, protect, and kill; it only comes out as gang fights, graffiti, car accidents and murder.

Women are no different, and it's evident in your statement that you made a conscience decision to NOT procreate. If it were not an issue that demanded attention from the minute you reached puberty, the question would not have come up at all.

I had my first at 16, my 2nd at 19 and my 3rd at 26, and I raised them all myself despite an idiot father/boyfriend who I of course left. I did not give my kids to family to raise; they have been with me through all my growing up years, and now at 33, they are STILL all still here, cost me a freaken fortune, do nothing to help, ***** and moan constantly, and never ever do I ever get a moment to myself, I don't know who the hell I am, or what I like to do, because I have spent my life raising them and waiting to be 40, by which time they'll all be old enough(pretty much) to obsolve myself of the responsiblity and actually get to start MY life. The thought is actually a little scary now that I think about it. I think that's the time I'll become a burden to THEM!!!! Let them cook MY dinner, and do MY laundry, and change MY diapers!! HA HA!! Paybacks are...well, you know.

Answer 5

I don't get it. I don't really think that I will have children either. I think maybe it may be a defensive attack. Maybe they are thinking that you are looking down on them for having them or you are offended by their children. It is not fair and it is wrong for them to criticise. I find usually it is older people and men that criticise the desicion. Maybe these people are not in a happy marriage and they regret having children, or maybe they think that it is the best and are offended that you don't want to experience that part of life. Don't feel bad or let down. If this is the right choice for you that is fantastic. Nothing worse than a child being brought into the world by parents that did not really want them.

Answer 6

I think a lot of women who want children just assume that every other woman does, too. I guess it's hard for some people to comprehend that not everyone loves kids. I don't particularly like kids. I've never been around kids and I wouldn't know what to do with a kid. I'm not opposed to having a baby someday, but I'm not definitely wanting one either. I guess some people think that it's a woman's "duty" to have a kid or something. Good question.

Answer 7

Boy that is a landmine. I try to never bring up children. Just asking, "...so do you want to have children?" opens a landmine.

Some people have just had multiple miscarriages and burst into tears about years of trying, some have scarred filopean tubes from ectopic pregnancies or have had hysterectomies from cancers or something. The last thing I need to talk about with someone I hardly know, is stand around talking about their ovaries or something while they cry. I mean, this is none of people's business. Either way I just never ask. It really isn't anyone's business to ask about your procreative plans or problems.

At least you just aren't having kids because you just don't want to. I think childless people who really really want a child but can't have one are even more tortured by people's interrogations.

I think that is good that you know what you want and have thought about it and made up your mind. That is far better than having a kid that you never wanted, due to carelessness, in my book.

So, forget people. And if they ask personal questions about it I would just tell them it is rude to ask, because it just is.

Answer 8

I hear ya. Not everyone assumes it though. I do get tired of the question, "You don't have kids? Why?" And I'm only 23. I don't want kids. I have a nephew that's 4 years old, and another nephew on the way. Spending time with them is a lesson in birth control.

Answer 9

It is stuck in Americas head that must have babies to attain the perfect family! It is bull! No where in the Constitution does it say that couples have to have kids. It is just plain arrogance for anyone to judge you for making a responsible decision and sticking to it. Would they attack someone who decided not to have a dog? Does that mean they hate dogs? I have three kids and no dogs, does that mean I should judge someone with three dogs and no kids? NO! If people would stop and look at their own lives, they would have less time to make others feel bad.

Answer 10

Because it has always been historically the woman's place to have a child and be a nurturer. Even though people accept women in the workplace and so on, the idea they have of women and childbirth is so ingrained in their heads they don't know how to deal other than to lash out at you because they don't understand it.