Frustrated with parents.?

Question

My parents mean well, but right now it's getting to my husband and I. Right now we have one child, 20 months. In August/September we're due with baby #2.

We recently purchased our first home. The only negative thing about it is that it has a pool. I've grown up with a pool, so I KNOW the expenses and responsbilities included in owning a pool. I took care of my parents' pool for 10 years of my life!

Now they have stated that they will finance a fence around the pool.

It sounds great. It sounds ultra-safe...until you look at our backyard.

The pool area is pretty tiny. They want to put in a fence that is in-ground, meaning we will have to drill into the cement. That and there really isn't that much room for the fence. It will either be RIGHT next to the pool or 3 feet away, blocking off any walk-way.

My husband and I came up with the idea of putting railings around the deck and attaching a gate with a lock on it. There's already a garden fence (4 feet high) around....

...the pool itself.

My mother is big into opening a yard so our son could just run, run, run.

That's great, but there's a 3 foot drop from the fence to the ground below. Sloping it isn't really an option.

So basically, we're excited about replacing a deck (planks are old and splintering), adding railings and a gate to make it safe.

My parents are to the point where if it's not there way, they throw a hissy. It FEELS like that although they are wanting the best for us, they cannot see anything but what they want.

We're tried to make the pool fence work, but it's just not an option for our yard.

Any ideas as to how to approach my parents?

I am just so frustrated with them right now. I'm hormonal and in a LOT of pain with a back problem associated with pregnancy.

I didn't say it right. Sorry. I have my son screaming right now.

There's a garden fence on one side of the pool, about 4 feet away.

Answer 1

I think you just have to be firm with them. Every time it comes up, say, "We appreciate the thought, but we don't think your solution will work for us. We are saving up money to do the fence our way. So, please wait."

In the meantime, I'd drain and cover the pool. If you are pregnant, it's going to be really hard to watch your little boy all the time, and it sounds like he is an active one. Once you get the fence problem solved, you can get the pool back in service.

If you reject your parents' advice, you also need to reject the money -- it comes with strings attached. Try to make things as safe as you can, and ask them to not discuss this subject with you anymore. And then move on briskly to something happy and fun.

(-: You survive almost-2-year-old hissies. You can survive your parents' hissies too!

P.S. I thought of a way to get your folks to compromise -- maybe you pay for a landscape designer or architect to come and look at your property and make a recommendation. Those designer people, their brains work around corners! They can find a safe and aesthetically pleasing solution that maybe none of you guys could. I think it's worth the money! It sounds like you have a difficult yard.

Answer 2

It sounds like they mean well and dearly love their grandchildren. They probably think that with buying a new home and with a small child and another on the way that they are financially doing you a favor, which they would be, if in fact you actually WANTED the fence.

This is your home. You and your husband are adults and make the decisions regarding your home. Just tactfully tell them that although you appreciate the offer, that's just not what you'll be doing to your home. Noone has the right to come into your home(yard) and tell you how to remodel it. That is entirely up to you. Put them in check now before it gets out of hand. But remember to include alot of love, I really don't think they mean any harm.

Answer 3

I do not believe parent's should get involved in their childrens
affairs. i have two beautiful grand children a girl three and a boy four, and of course i think i'm the only one that can really raise these children and keep them safe, I believe that most grand parents feel this way if they would be truthful. being a
parent is wonderful but being a me maw or pa pa is just out of this world, we do get a little more nervous about little things
but i would tell them to back off, my husband and i would take
care of it after all it is your home your little family and you can
take care of them just fine. I know this because my daughter
has put me in my place a few times. LOL and i don't love her
any less, i just shut my mouth and wait until she needs me
and i'm sure your parents will do the same.