my husband cheated on me and he was very remorseful at first but now when i bring it up hes like well sh** happens i was going to try to make things work since he did transfer jobs and i left him and moved a1000 miles away and he moved down here to try to work it out but now its occuring to me he thinks its kinda ok or do you think hes tired of me mentioning it every day and just doesnt want to here it anymore?
2007-05-01 13:35:27 · 18 answers · asked by hcj25 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lets say you were backing up out of your driveway and hit another car. Would you like for your husband to remind you of that incident every damn day??? Probably not.
If you forgave him for cheating, then drop the subject. If your still not over it, then get some counseling and learn to either accept it or divorce him. And those are your only choices.
2007-05-01 13:42:23 · answer #1 · answered by Ella 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think the way you feel right now is that your wondering if he is really sorry! You need to understand from him what precautions he will take to prevent another incident from not happening again. He has to realize that he broke the trust with you and it is going to take a very long time of him making you feel secure........for you to live with it!....and that is all you will do is learn to live with it. He may be tired of you bringing it up all the time but he hurt you and that pain is still there. He relocated a thousand miles away so I believe he is trying. Men usually have a hard time expressing their emotions and are doers where we think things over and over in our minds.....sometimes we think more on things they do. Just communicate with him in a loving way and tell him that you are scared but that you still love him.......ask him that when you get flash backs of what he did that devastated you so much will he just hold you. You need that alot when trying to forgive someone. Try to do things together and get out of the house when you start thinking about it. Just make the best of each day and take it one day at a time. With time the hurt will drift farther away.....it will always be there but try to put now memories of what the two of you are working toward today. There are a lot of written things you can look up on tht internet on dealing with adultry and forgiveness...look them up and read them when he isn't around and see if it will help any. I hope the two of you get trough this and someday be stronger for it. Learn from the mistakes and although the foundation was cracked it is still there. Good luck sweetie
2007-05-01 22:16:47 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are all human, we all make mistakes. And sometimes having our mistakes thrown in our face time and time again can drive you to point of so what. It seems to me that he really wants to work it out especially if he moved 1000 miles just to try again. Marriage is like a roller coaster it will go up and it will go down, in other words, there will be good times and bad times. Being married means to work together on problems that you face whether big or small. Maybe he has learned his lesson and this experience will bring the two of you closer to each other than ever before. But both of you have to work at it. It is up to you to decide what you want to do. Work at the marriage or let it just all go.
2007-05-01 21:10:28 · answer #3 · answered by Leetah 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only God can forgive. People can try and forget, and gorgetting about an affair is probably one of the hardest anyone has to do or can do. He may just want to sweep his affair under the rug and forget it ever happened but its not that easy and he just cant expect you to up and forget it too. Yes, he may be tired of hearing it but he must also realize there was a third person involved here... you. He has to realize your trust in him has been damaged and it could take some time to repair. It sounds like you may have some deep inside resentment towards him and alot of unanswered questions that need to be addressed before you can forget. You both may need professional help here to get over this hill so you may seriously want to think about it so you can move on. Good luck
2007-05-01 20:46:14 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think if you live somewhere else & he's come to you, you will need to forgive & forget if you want a fresh start.
It sounds like you need more reassurance & not the attitude that as you put it sh** happens.
One thing that is true of men is that it's done & over in their minds. Only you can decide what's right for you.
There are many self help books to help women get through that betrayal. You may want to go to a woman's support group. It's helpful to share with others who experience the same trama.
2007-05-01 21:26:40 · answer #5 · answered by ♣Hey jude♣ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really mention it every day! Ok for the sake of argument, lets just say he is sorry. Have you ever made a mistake? How would you feel if every day someone you loved brought it up?
Ok, you know him better than anyone else. Do you want to trust him? Can you ever trust him again? Do you want to stay married? If you answered No to any of those questions then you really need to think about the relationship.
2007-05-01 20:44:48 · answer #6 · answered by ablair67 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is truly remorseful, what you are doing is the equivalent of beating a dead horse. He doesn't want to hear it anymore.
However, he has broken your trust. You are still hurting and you are lashing out at him.
If you want to forgive him, go to marriage counselling. You may learn to forgive and move on, but you will never forget. It will take time for you to heal and for him to earn your trust back.
Throwing the affair in his face everyday isn't helping either of you. Either go to counselling or get a divorce.
2007-05-01 20:49:28 · answer #7 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either you forgive him or don't. No point of bringing up to beat him up, is there? Not that it is not his fault, but you don't understand men. Men like to know that a chapter is now closed, over, settled, penalty paid. You keep thinking talking it thru will help. No it doesn't for any man. He may feel bad but he ain't gonna apologize every day for the rest of his life.
2007-05-01 20:48:42 · answer #8 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have 2 options when dealing with his cheating.
1) You forgive him: If you forgive him, you cannot bring it up at ANY time in the future. Forgiveness is a concious decision that only you could make.
2) You end the relationship and move on.
Here is a website: "How to Survive Infidelity"
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html
2007-05-01 20:42:42 · answer #9 · answered by Mark M 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband may have been fed up and frustrated with you always bringing up what he did. If your gonna forgive your husband then you must let go of the past...which means not bringing up his past infidilities. But if you cant do that then your pretty much wasting your time...it only causes headaches and drama.
Good luck
2007-05-01 20:49:21 · answer #10 · answered by ♣Chronickandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋