i have a young child with my exwife so this makes it hard.My ex is still bitter/jealous over the divorce and trys to control me the only way she can thru my child.My fiance trys to get me to "fight" with my ex all the time over ever little thing my ex does she does not like. My fiance's maybe right but sometimes its just easier and better for my son to give in to my ex than fight with her.My fiance will also sometimes say/do things just to piss my ex off which just makes things worse.What can i do?My fiance is a good person and she just feels i should stand up to my exwife.
2007-05-01 12:34:43 · 16 answers · asked by stevenpelkey35478 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well I feel your pain, man. My ex-wife does the same thing. She even yelled at me in public when she thinks I did something wrong. If I were in your shoes, I will explain to your fiance that you will handle your battle with your ex but in your own way. As far as the ex is concerned, pick your own battles. Sun-Tzu said this "He who knows when to fight and when not to fight will win" Now that means give in to some things like "take your kid this weekend" That's fine. If not Tell your ex that you are divorced for how long and get over it.
2007-05-01 13:11:20 · answer #1 · answered by Scandguard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance has absolutely no say in how you deal with your children or your ex. That is between you and them. Her meddling is making things worse and putting you in an even more difficult situation. And your son will suffer the most. If your fiance can't stay out of it, you may need to reconsider her in your future. She came into your relationship knowing what was happening and cannot turn your life around with her anger and angst. You must put a stop to this so you can work at something amicable for your child's sake. Your are not caught in the middle. You have the final word. Make it so.
2007-05-01 13:29:36 · answer #2 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance needs to realize you cannot change your ex, if you could you wouldnt be with her now, you would have saved your marriage.Next , getting back or standing up to the ex for doing things to get at the both of you is not the first priority but your son is the first priority.He isnt responsible for all this mess the ADULTS are.Tell her to quit provoking things and to try to ignore her when she is a you know what.Tell the ex you will do your best to be a good father to your child you have with her, but if she makes it difficult the time will come when the boy will be grown and will see everything as it really is and may turn from her to you.
2007-05-01 12:49:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A few people here need to grow up and face reality. Your fiance must realize you had a life before her and have a son because of that life so you must keep the status quo and remain on friendly terms whether you agree with it or not. Your ex must face the fact that you have entered a new phase in your life with someone new and the only ties she has with you is thru your son and must also keep status quo and remain friendly. There is no special natures law that says those two must be best of friends just because they share a common denominator but both must face the fact that you have to remain on friendly terms with both, no matter what they think is fair or not and neither need to use a that little boy as a pawn. You are his dad and aways will be and neither can change that. Your son will always be your son and need his dad, no matter what happens to either relationship. No real easy answer here as to what to do to keep the peace between those two, but Id make sure none of this effects my son though, no matter what I had to do! Good luck
2007-05-01 13:01:03 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your finance should not get your son to fight with your ex. But when it comes to you. I am on your finance side. I have gone through the same thing with an ex wife trying to control her ex husband it has been going on for 10 years. I still have 4 more years until my husbands youngest turns 18. Get some balls and stand up to your ex. If you don't it is only going to get worse and cause all kinds of problems when you get married. It may be easier for you just to let it go, but that is just giving your ex control. Tell your fiance she need not say anything to your ex that you will handle it. Than handle. Tell her I know it's hard for her not to say things, but it is best she doesn't. It does cause more problems. I am always nice to my husbands ex it drivers her nuts. LOL.
2007-05-01 12:59:17 · answer #5 · answered by Lish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your fiance that you do not mind standing up to your ex, but remind her that sometimes it's best to just shake it off. You have to pick your "battles" wisely. Remind her that your main concern is your child, and a child seeing both parents at war feels the pain so much more than we do because they love both parents and don't want to choose sides. The best thing for your fiance to do is step aside, and anything to do with the ex, to be handled by YOU. She's a 3rd party, and she knew when she got involved with you that you had an ex, and a child, and would have to deal with that person until your child is 18. I hate to say this, but your fiance sounds kind of childish to me. I leave my husband's ex and their troubles between them where they belong. Sit her down, and say, "For the sake of my child, please just learn to tolerate his mother. You don't have to like her, agree with her, or anything else besides TOLERATE her. Attacking her or fueling fights hurts my child ,not her. If I need you to be involved in the situation, I will ask. Otherwise, it's best if you just stay out of the middle, and let me make whatever decisions I have to make to make this situation easier on my child." If she really loves you, she'll love your child too, and put her own opinions aside to make sure this child's well being comes first.
2007-05-01 12:42:04 · answer #6 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can see both sides of this, but I think both of these women need to grow up. There is a child involved, probably seeing and hearing more than he should. When situations like this arise it's hard to keep emotions in check. I think you all need to sit down, whether you like it or not and talk about this. You can't go on fighting all the time, it's no way for any of you to live. Your ex also needs to realize you have a new woman in your life and move on with hers.
2007-05-01 12:45:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dood! Get those women into family counseling! They must see that their fighting and competing with each other will hurt your child and drive you bananas. Your ex needs to grow up and stop being jealous. Your fiance needs to understand that when she marries you she is also marrying your child AND in a less direct way your ex wife! She has to agree to work with BOTH of you in raising your child, in a non-adversarial way. Jeez...do the counseling thing BEFORE you marry again and the situation just gets worse.
2007-05-01 12:43:26 · answer #8 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a kick a** fiance. keep her very happy but try and have her tone it down with the ex it only hurts your child in the long run and nothing can and will come of it. Good luck!
2007-05-01 12:40:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man. Do you know that people repeat their mistakes. Looks like you have unwittingly found a new woman (fiance) that is the mirror image of the old one. Now you have a stereo system coming at you left and right.
Do the obvious. Cut the new one off so your son will grow up with a father and you can live longer. Learn to tune off the old one as well.
2007-05-01 13:00:49 · answer #10 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋