My spouse cheated on me and we have two children a 4 year old and a 2 year old.?

Question

He cheated with apparently more than one women. I found his chat logs on the computer and this has been going on for a while. I want to just walk out and take my kids. The main thing is I want custody of my kids. He makes more money than I do and works from home so even though he cheated I am worried I might not get custody. What should I do? I haven't confronted him yet.

I don't want to stop him from seeing his children. They love him. I just want primary custody.

Answer 1

Kick his a** out. He's the one that should leave. Don't worry about him making more money. That only means that he'll have to pay more child support. Don't put up with it. He messed up and you don't deserve what he did.

Answer 2

Just because he makes more money doesn't mean he will get custody of the kids. Where are people getting the idea that the one who holds the dollars holds onto the kids? Custody will be determined by the court as to what is more beneficial for the children and EVERYTHING is taken into account, not just the fincancial aspect. Traditionally it is exepcted that the man move out of the house, if there are children and they remain in the home with the mother thereby not disrupting their lives anymore than what has to be done. I will warn you that in most states infidelity is no longer grounds for divorce, you will more than likely either be asked to show proof or "cruetly" through mental/verbal/emotional abuse and infedelity or you will have to go with irreconcilable difference. Also keep in mind that your husband will be awarded some sort of visitation if not partial custody of the children, whether you want him to or not. Again it is what the court determines to be of benefit to the children, not to the parents. At this point in time I suggest you consult a lawyer BEFORE you confront your husband

Answer 3

Unless you are an unfit mother there should be no reason for you not to get the kids. But you are right to want to be sure before take any moves. I would make sure (if I were you) that you made sure you had enough money saved up for first and last and the security deposit. I would go to a reputable lawyer(find the shark now, before he catches on) and find out what your chances are with custody and alimony. Make sure you search now to see if he has hidden any assets (that you may not know of) make copies of information your lawyer may find pertinent and then get the moving truck and leave. Let them serve the papers to the house on the day you leave and let him find out from your lawyer where he can send any mail. (But you can let the post office know and they will forward it and inform any creditors, etc. of your change of address). If he has had several affairs then there can be more hidden in the closet, prepare yourself before you walk out the door, once you leave and he knows you are gone for good, you will not be able to get back into the house. Make a list(at work and leave it there and communicate well with an attorney) and have a list of questions when you go.Also, it is a nice thing to think about, but if your husband has had unprotected with you and other women, you may wish to take an HIV test. I hate to bring up, but in today's world it is unavoidable. I wish you well. Try to remember confrontation is not always the best course of action.

Answer 4

Well, you should go with your feelings but Tell him, what you know (if u r positive about it) and get evidence (copies) in case he wants to destroy them, this way no divorce judge would b able to grant him custody, regardless most times judges favor young kids like yours staying with the mother instead of the father, if he makes more money that means he can pay you good for child support and or alimony etc..consult a lawyer before make sure u got a good case, get ur evidence and then do an informed decision. Keep cool and composed so your mind can think straigth.
Good luck

Answer 5

Child support calculations in many states are based on a formula of earnings and time spent with kids.

It is best for children to have a joint custody condition established as children need modeling from either sex parents.

Even if you hate his guts think about the kids.

Try to work things through before lawyers get involved.

Answer 6

First thing is to get some proof of what he has been doing, then get out of the house with the kids and the proof and go to a relative's to live. And the very next day you need to go to a lawyer and present him with the entire story and the proof. Look under attorneys in your yellow pages, and under the subcategory "domestic relations attorney." Do not worry about losing the kids to him. You are the mother and have right of priminogeniture (probably spelled wrong), and your attorney will explain everything. It is good that he earns more money than you, don't worry about that either, for this simply means he will be able to pay more in child support and spousal maintenance. Talk to the lawyer. He will explain everything. And the best of luck to you and the kids. You will be in my thoughts. Know that I am pulling for you!

Answer 7

Well dont put up with it and seek a divorce and just file that will give at least 90 days before having to go to court also kick him out get a better job and it also depends on what state you live in he can end up paying lots of money in child support. The courts normally give custody to the women unless he can prove you neglect your children

Answer 8

find a good lawyer. Make sure you print out everything you can. Emails of his from other women and TO other women, the chat logs, etc. Make sure you have lots of evidence.

If you want to save your marriage, tell him that you need to attend marriage counseling. With the counselor, tell him what you've found out and see if he's willing to work on it or not.

Really, as long as you work, you shouldn't have any problem getting custody. Most courts give shared custody, unless one parent isn't a "fit" parent (alcoholic, etc.).

If you're really set on getting rid of him though, get a lawyer, give them all of the information you have (you may want to get copies of telephone/cellphone/credit card bills if he's been calling other women or going out with them). At the very least, get your kids and yourself into counseling. You have a bumpy road ahead.

Answer 9

that's terrible that he would do that, as far as custody goes you probably couldn't get full custody as in him never seeing the kids, but you could get it to where you were the main parent, the one that they lived with all the time. he should at least have the weekends and stuff, b/c kids really do need both parents, but for him to get full custody he would have to prove some how that you were unfit, and if you've got the evidence against him that he cheated, that will look better for you in court becaus he was unfaithful. hello, he took sacred vows to love, honor and cherish you and apparently he can't do that. you better step up to the plate.

Answer 10

I'd have to confront him, and if he's done it with more than one person and for "a while" as you say, there would be no hope for me to forgive him and stay with him. You can file for joint custody, and be more likely to get that than sole custody. It doesn't mean you can't take your children with you, as long as you can prove they are in a safe place. Also, depending on the state you're in, you can get him for adultery. Make sure BEFORE confronting him you save, print out and get all those logs put in a safe place to be used as evidence.

Answer 11

First things first, get the chat log ! It's evidence. Secondly just because he cheated that has no bearing on what kind of father he is, or what kind of mother you are. Ask yourself if you thought anything has felt off. Would you have known had you not have found the chat log? Do you want to work it out? Do you still love him? These are things you need to figure out. I hope this helps I know I gave you more questions.