How common is this?

Question

When I was about 8-10 yrs my younger brother and i were waiting for the youth club to open when a man asked me if I could help him carry a trunk upstairs. AT the time it never seemed odd to me that a grown man would try to enlist the help of an 8 year old girl, and I was a brownie at the time, so I was eager to help!! lol

Anyway, i began carrying the trunk upstairs and after each flight the man started to hug me. Then he told my brother to wait downstairs and at this point i began to feel very uncomfortable. Eventually I made some excuse about my dinner getting cold and I fled.

Everytime i think about that incident return to that time, i feel like a scared helpless 8 year old. I have a daughter now and fear for her safety. Notice that the man did not use anything obvious like sweets or toys to lure me, but prayed on my conscience and good nature.

Has everyone had close encounters with dodgy people in their childhood? I hope this question does not offend anyone.

Answer 1

I think there are all kinds of things that happen to us as children that seemed totally innocent at the time, but when viewed through the eyes of adulthood, seem a little "dodgy," as you put it. Not just old perverts, but things like riding bikes without helmets and roaming the hills far and wide without ever telling our parents where we were or who we were with, etc. It was a different world back then, and we got away with a lot of things that we know better than to try these days.

That being said, I had a babysitter who I dearly loved (and continue to keep in contact with to this day), whose husband always made me feel uncomfortable, even when he was playing with us. At the time, I thought it was because I didn't see him as often (he worked rotating shifts and would be home during the day for about 90 days, every 3 months or so) and he was more strict with the rules than my babysitter. However, I also remember him "tickling" me and getting his hands awfully close, if not outright on top of, places he shouldn't have been touching. When I think of it now, almost 30-some-odd years later, I still get the same sick, fluttery feeling in my stomach that I got back then, only I didn't know why I felt the way I did when I was only 6 or so.

I am now the mother of three girls, and I think that other answerer had it right when he/she said "you've just got to teach your kids to be aware of the signs and to know what to do/how to react." That's what I've tried to do with my kids, and I've also told them that no matter what happens between them and an adult, if it makes them feel uncomfortable, they should talk about it. Talking about it can help them figure out why they feel uncomfortable. Thankfully, we've never had to have any "talks" like that so far.

A little bit of reflection is normal when you have kids - being a parent seems to trigger that kind of reminiscing and sometimes even a little "ohmigosh-am-I-doing-this-right?" kind of panic at times. If you find yourself overly focused on your daughter's safety, and dwelling on your own childhood experiences and how they affected you, you might want to see a counselor for a bit to talk it out so you can put it in better perspective.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

I didn't, but I think it is common. Once, when I was in high school an old man exposed himself to me in the city library and then began masturbating. I was so embarrassed; as if it were my fault, I just fled and didn't tell anyone.

As I grew I changed and in my 30s a flasher approached me in a parking lot and did his thing and I said, "Wait, show me again. It was so small I missed it."

But I was a lot older than you in both of those incidents and not really in any danger, like an 8 yr. old would be. I am glad you escaped.

Answer 3

Wow, I would feel that way too if the same thing happened to me, scary. Every parent worries about their childs safety, the best you can do is know where she is at all times, until shes 15 and runs off to crazy parties and what not :P Don't be so scared, not everyone outside is evil :-]

Answer 4

Your question is not offensive, and I think it is very common for perpetrators to work this way. Unfortunately, children need to be told to NOT be helpful to adults or others in certain situations. I think I saw a tv show where serial killers roped their victims in (and it happened in Silence of the Lambs, too) by pretending to be hurt or helpless or impaired... and then attacking them.

Answer 5

Oh yes! And my mom was a protective services worker and still time after time we were in a baby sitting house of danger!
The best thing you can do is just train her well on what to do and signs to look for.

Answer 6

i learned that my young sister had several encounters like your incident but that went even further. so disturbing to know that it happens all the time.

Answer 7

When I was a kid, there was this perp that used to drive us at night, and show up at intersections and glare at us. We were pretty street-wise, so when he showed up again, we took to his car with baseball bats and tire irons... perp never showed up again (I hope he had a heart attack or a stroke!!!)

Answer 8

no it's not normal, tell your daughter to call the police if that ever happens!