You're not happy in your marriage. Your spouse has not actually had sex with someone, but has posted ads online on dating services, sent exotic emails, and passed notes with a receptionist at his work half his age trying to set up meetings...then said it was all words. Your children are 1500 miles away. They're teenagers now. The area they live in has a low job market. You have debt according to your income now. You still don't have trust in your spouse even though you haven't found anything for a while on him. You have no savings. WHAT would YOU do?
2007-05-01 09:53:17 · 34 answers · asked by a_lot_smarter_now 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess I should have said my children are from a previous marriage. They live with their father. They are teenage boys.
And I also should have said this happened in 2005, and lately I haven't found anything, but still don't trust my husband.
2007-05-01 10:08:36 · update #1
Go to your best friends and build a support system who can be there for you emotionally. Leave him immediately and file for divorce. Stay with someone if you can or rent a small place. Get a job if you dont have one and if you do, work two jobs for a bit to build up some money and pay down your share of the debt. You also need to see a counselor, which through many services can be free or can help you. There are people out there that can help but you can do it. My sister went through what you are now and she did it. That was 8 years ago and she has a great little house of her own, a sweet dog, paid off debt and is very happy! She also has met a very sweet man and for the first time in her life, she is in real love with a great guy! Life is ticking along, get out there and get your life going! It will be a challenge but you will be so much stronger once you have! Good luck, you can do it and i will pray for you!
2007-05-01 10:00:57 · answer #1 · answered by bighelp 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would get a divorce but before that I would . . .
Realize that he's not my problem anymore.
Go back to school or pursue a better career.
Talk with a school counselor about career opportunities for someone like myself - how marketable am I and what's my capacity to learn.
Open an IRA that's tax exempt.
I would have to come to terms with the fact that my income will be compromised because of divorce and until I can get a better job.
I will have to live a simple life until I begin a solid career.
I would begin selling things I don't need on ebay or at flea markets and use money toward debt and savings.
I would consolidate all credit card debt and liquidate all assets during the divorce proceeding.
Then I would . . .
I would move to a city/town that has good public transportation until I could afford a car again.
Once I got on my own two feet, I would have all the "material things" I want.
I would find happiness in myself : )
2007-05-01 10:19:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its definitely a tough situation, but there are things to do. I would start looking online and locally for jobs, trying to find something fast, anything that just got me a paycheck. The dream job can come later. I would look into apartments and find something cheap and affordable based on the types of jobs i was looking at and that would give me some extra to pay off some debt when i could, or needed to. Since my kids are away, I would maybe get a 2nd job, spare time isn't really a good thing to have in a time like this anyway. If i had some old belongings or things i didn't need, i would maybe put them on eBay or CraigsList and try to get some extra money that way. Then I could start saving, and buidling the foundation for a new life.
I don't think it would be an easy ride, but i bet the end result of just pure honest happiness would be well worth it.
In a nutshell, i would get out as soon as I could be on my feet.
2007-05-01 10:02:52 · answer #3 · answered by Dr25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok ,here's what I would do. Get your ducks in a row first. Start putting money into a savings acct if you can, even if it's like $10 a week or a month etc....if he's posting online ads and dating services, this tells me he's ready to move. If you aren't happy, he probably isn't either. Your teenagers are growing and old enough to take care of themselves, you know? Just because you haven't found anything on him now doesn't mean it may get better. If you can't trust him and you're unhappy, there's no sense in continuing. Start saving, start thinking of filing for dissolution so things can be split evenly (if you guys are willing to do that) also, try and start looking for a new place that's in your budget. When you've saved up enough for deposits etc....move out. this way you won't have a huge mortgage payment, let him keep the house, kind of thing. He'll probably have to sell the house anyway and if he does, in the dissolution agreement should state you get half of it....don't quote me on that, it depends on what your attorney says, you'll have to hire one. Good luck!
2007-05-01 10:04:46 · answer #4 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they had an agreement based on trust that they wouldnt hang out with the opposite sex, then the person who broke this agreement is clearly in the wrong. It's not a particularly logical agreement, and I don't think a relationship is particularly healthy if they feel the need to make that promise. But a promise is a promise, and breaking a promise seems to trump all. And, revenge is very junior high. If the guy cares about the girl he shouldn't want to "get back at her" I think this boy and girl should maybe have a discussion to reevaluate the logic in promising each other they won't have friends of the opposite sex.
2016-05-18 02:38:59 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would begin having conversations with the spouse about where we are and where we want to go. Start drawing up a game plan on how to get where each of you want to be. Start doing things together that will build each other's trust. Identify the things that don't make each other happy and see what the potential solutions could be. If the marriage is important to each other, use this as a wake up call to learn how to be "one" and fix the problems before it is too late.
2007-05-01 09:58:30 · answer #6 · answered by ciberpunk1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know its hard to make a decision in your marriage when you have children. The only thing I can say is if you don't love your partner and don't trust him its best to go separate ways. If your always fighting and infront of your children, its not good. Although, try to save your marriage by sitting down partner and see how he feels about you. If theres little love from each other try to work things out. Marriage is not easy. While theres little love things can always work if you both put an effort from each side. If not, move on it will be best for everyone.
2007-05-01 10:02:14 · answer #7 · answered by muñeca 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to live it unhappy. Happiness is priceless and if you are not happy where you are now, then it is time to move on. You have got to think of yourself at least a little. No one said that it would be easy but you will be better off in the end.
2007-05-01 10:00:30 · answer #8 · answered by crystal g 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and hubby need to have a serious discussion about where your relationship is going. Splitting up is not always a bad thing.
If you really are not happy then you need to leave him. You will find a job. CHange your lifestyle . Being single isn't a bad thing if the marriage is not a good one.
2007-05-01 09:58:38 · answer #9 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would confront him about it, and go to a marriage counsler to talk about the problem. It sounds like this marriage is not going to work out, so if the couseling doesnt do any good, i would divorce him. He is not worth it and he sounds like a bad husband in the first place. Good luck!
2007-05-01 10:01:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋