my husband and i have agreed to split up and i need some advice please!!!!!!!?

Question

we have been unhappy for many years now and we have agreed to split up but we have two children and i needed to know if we both agree on who stays in the house, keeps the children etc do we need to go through the courts also if i need paperwork to make it legal that i have custody of my children without dragging them through the courts as he agrees that i stay in the house with the children but whats to say he wont change his mind and start being difficult! please help.

Answer 1

You're right. He could easily change his mind whenever he wants to. Get legal advice. Get it all in writing. Protect yourself.

Answer 2

I think that if you can both agree without going through the courts, this would be great.

My mom and dad did this and there were never any problems. Although saying that, he didn't pay maintenance until we were 16 years old.... and even now he only pays about 1/3 of what he should be giving us.... so it depends whether you think your husband will be true to his word?

If I were you I'd arrange for both of you to see a lawyer and get it all in writing. If you both agree, there's no need to take it to court. You would only need to go to court if you disagreed - but if you're both of the same opinion, you just have to go and get the papers drawn up.

However, it will cost you both money.

If you can't afford it, you could always type something up yourself and get him to sign and date it. If it's on paper and there's ever a problem in the future, it's better than nothing.

I used to be a legal secretary and in many cases people had typed their own contacts with ex-spouses. When there was a problem later on it helped them to have the paper as evidence. As long as it's his proper signature, it shows what he has agreed to.

However, another thing you must consider is that in some ways he'd be quite entitled to change his mind later on. Not about the house, but let's say he's not happy with seeing the children at weekends and wants joint custody (i.e. one week with you, one week with him). He would be perfectly entitled to want this and it would be nice if you could perhaps consider it if it ever came to that.

Try to sort it out between yourselves, but if you are very worried persuade him to see a lawyer with you.

xx Emmie

Answer 3

My friend has been through this. I' m assuming you and your husband own your own home. I'm also assuming you're divorcing. Most certainly you and the children will stay in the home. But this needs to be made legal in divorce court.
You and the children will likely stay in the home until they are 18 or until they are finished with their schooling if they go on to college.
At this point, you can stay in the home only if you buy out your husband's half ownership or he may want to buy out your half. This would be another court date to settle the issue. You both can also agree to sell it and split the profit.
Your children need not be dragged through the courts. But you and he need attorneys to make all this legal or you will have problems down the road. I hope this helped.

Answer 4

Foxy everything you have is 50/50 you really need to keep it that way . The kids must come first when making a decision both parents need to work together when it comes to the kids no matter what the feelings are towards each other.
Always file for a legal separation that way what he does wont effect you and what you do wont effect him and you can also put that the kids will remain with you, or if you are just wanting a divorce file for it and the kids will remain in your custody until the judge makes the decision. I have been there please try to put your feelings aside towards each other and work things out if not the kids can develop bad feeling towards the parents. Relationships die cause people quit working on the relationship there maybe other people out there but there is always problems in any relationship its just depends on how you resolve issues and always remember how much work and want you put into the relationship in the begging and ask your self are you still putting in the effort
I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for you the way you want

Answer 5

My best advice to you is to do what you are already doing, if he has agreed to you staying in the house with the kids you'll be fine. If it comes up that he wants to change things around the courts will be on your side with regards to the living arrangements. In time you can file for a DIY divorce that you do yourself, it's best to do this together as you can agree all the wording etc. It sounds as though you are doing the best thing by everyone, don't listed to those who tell you to"work it out" You, your ex and your children will be much happier if you go your seperate ways. Best of luck to you x

Answer 6

You really need to go through the court system to get everything in writing. If both of you agree on the terms than it should not be too lengthy. Also, if you agree on the situation with the kids, there is a very good chance the children will not be involved in the court hearings.

Answer 7

First of all one of you has to file for legal seperation/divorce. Then you will go to court and it will be determined between the both of you and the judge who will get custody, what type of custody/visitation arrangement will be made, there will be no "dragging the kids through the courts" because they won't be the ones making the determination. I suggest you seek a lawyer and have this more fully explained to you as to what your rights are because there is more to custody/support than who gets the kids.

Answer 8

You will be filing for an uncontested divorce. Your children won't need to be there. You'll go, they'll ask if you've tried everything you could to work out the marriage, you'll say yes, and they will say, you both agree on what's in this order, and you'll both say yes, and they usually just grant it...it's over in less than 15 minutes once you go to court. It's not as hard as you're thinking. Make sure EVERYTHING you need in the papers is in there. Don't leave ANYTHING out concerning property, debt, or custody or visitation or child support of the children. Then if he changes his mind, he already signed, and too bad for him.

Answer 9

when you start your divorce you see a solictor who will go over all your worried about . i know by my own experience that if you come to a reasonable access for your husband to see the children he will then send it to courts the courts will pass it without anyone going to court mine see there dad at weekend court passed it on an overnight stay with there dad as for the house your solictor will sort it that you either buy your husband out or will sort it that you stay and paper work will be signed to say that so he carnt go back on letting you stay in the house with the children hope this helps

Answer 10

You can do it the hard way by hiring lawyers and going to court. May I suggest that you look into a mediator, they are cheaper, faster, and easier and can give you the same results, you guys agree to something you write a contract, both sign, and are then bound. You might want to define things to a better extent. You said custody rights, what about visitation rights? (Lay it out exactly, he has rights every other weekend, every other holiday, etc) If you get an agreement to the very detail it will avoid a lot of arguments and disagreements later on. Good Luck

Answer 11

Get a proper agreement drawn up through a professional mediator. It's not as expensive as you think.

DON'T stay together to pretend to love each other for the sake of the kids - they can see through that malarkey!!!! Kids know instinctively when they are being manipulated and when they are really loved!

Make it a clean, painless break. Speak of each other in front of the kids without any personal bias or politics. But above all else, be honest to the kids and yourself and your ex, ok!!!! Kids don't like dishonesty! It just messes them up, even if it's well intentioned.