My daughter is being called names....What to do now?

Question

My daughter is 12 and is being called a ***** and a ho by another 12 year old girl who lives on our street. This time it involved a boy they both like. But this has gone on for the past 4 years we've lived there. Me and the other mother have had several talks and nothing is helping. We have argued because she confronts her daughter who denies everything. Her daughter has a crappy homelife but that doesn't give her the right to take it out on my daughter. My daughter is shy/scared and doesn't say anything back to this girl. Now the other kids on the bus on taunting her telling her to stand up for herself, which is just making my daughter feel worse. I have tried role playing with her and being as supportive and encouraging as I can. I want her to stand up for herself too, but my daughter has to decide what she's comfortable with. My question to you all is what more can I do? Go to the school? Talk to her parents again? My daughter is such a sweet girl and it breaks my heart.

Answer 1

When Kids are been bullied the only way for the bully to stop is to comfront him or her!!!, if you keep avoiding the bully he will know that you are weak and will take advantage of you, the best thing is to fight back in the smartest possible way!
GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

It does not matter what you do. Unless it is something that lets your daughter know to stick up for herself. The girl will not quit until she is put in her place. If one of your daughters friends beat her and tell her to stop then she may stop but you telling who ever will make it worse. Get your daughter around some others that will get her the confidence to stand up for herself. Do this by letting her be around mean cousins or something. If she shows that she can make her quit one time then the girl will stop. Not until then. She does not need to be fair. When walking behind her take a hard cover school book and hit her in the back of the head. Anything like this might get her suspended if done at school but the other girl will remember to leave her alone.

Answer 3

That breaks my heart too! It makes me want to jump on the other girl! Girls are so mean sometimes! Is this happening on the bus? It's clear that talking to the girls parent isn't going to do any good. It's good that she will not resort to the mean girls level but at the same time enough is enough! Is there any way that your daughter can avoid the other girl all together? You should just keep reassuring her that she is the bigger person and she is doing the right thing. Maybe the other girl will leave her alone. If not your daughter will take all she can take and it may surprise you!

Good Luck to you both.

Answer 4

Send your daughter to a local martial arts class and stay the hell out of it.

Your daughter needs to learn to survive on her own when you are not around. A good karate class will help raise her self esteem and confidence even if she does not use her talents.

If she does not learn to stand up for herself the taunting will eventually turn into physical confrontations. If you say your daughter is a sweet girl yet it is breaking your heart that she does not stand up for herself that is a conflicting message you are sending to her.

You also need to instill confidence in her by being a confident person. Try to use phrases like "water off a ducks back" and if they get serious, tell her to defend herself.

Answer 5

She eventually needs to learn how to stand up for herself. The other kids are trying to help but obvoiusly in an immature way (because they're kids...) Keep roll-playing, keep supporting her, and eventually she'll decide how to react that is socially acceptable. It really is not a big deal if she wants to ignore it, but if it were, say, your daughter being verbally abused by her boyfriend a few years down the line, she needs to learn how to put her foot down and let the person know that it is not OK. It is a good skill to learn, and maybe start small by having her say "no" to certain things, like in your rollplaying games. Maybe take her to some self-defense classes so that even if she is being teased, she will be able to shake it off easier knowing that she is strong enough to defend herself if they want to take it too far. I personally have always hated confrontations, and so I have tried my best to avoid them, and my method of dealing with that sort of stuff has always been to ignore it and move on, but if it has been happening for 4 years, there has got to be a point where she says "enough is enough".

Answer 6

all i can think of is when that was happening to me (around 12 also) and my mom was worried too. i didn't want to say anything and risk a fight since i knew that fighting is wrong and would cause more trouble. all we could do was let her run her mouth. i believe that instead of encouraging her to talk back to the girl just make sure that your daughter knows HERSELF. do things like maybe a dance class or an afterschool sport to build self-esteem in your daughter, eventually she will get to the point where she doesn't care what anyone else says, because she knows she's a good person and that her friends know that and that the other girl will look foolish for being petty and spreading rumors and being mean. i joined an after school volleyball team and got involved with volunteer work and dance class, soon with the constant praise of friends family and mostly my mother i was able to turn around and tell my bully "why are you so mean to me? what did i do?" in front of everbody in the class, when the girl came up with ridicu lous reasons, i said "what made you think that?" or "well, that's your opinion. but if you want to be mean for no real reason then go ahead, i'm too busy with my team and dance and helping others to woory about why one person doesn't like me. all i care about is that my real friends and my family know the truth about me, and if you aren't willing to get to know me and who i am for real then i just don't care. this is america, i won't tell you stop talking cause you have that right, i just choose not to let your lies and insecurities bother me." and that was the end of it, by the time word got around that i was smart and didn't fight or stoop to her level everyone started to like me more than her anyway and i ended up with more friends then ever before. feel free to have your daughter (or yourself) email me for other bully situations (i was a goth so i also dealt with the whole "freak" thing in high school, plus my town is mostly hispanic and since i'm half white and look that way i was always an outcast but never really sad from it) tell her i said stay cool and be nice and mature and things may not go away but it will get better. plus extra activites may help her break out of being super shy! never be afraid to try new things! good luck

Answer 7

If this girl uses the same names every time she is calling you're daughter, you could both think of come backs, that way your daughter is ready for her every time and by the time the bully thinks of something new, your daughter could think on her feet.

Better yet, rather than cause more trouble, tell your daughter to ignore it, sounds cliche I know but if the bully thinks its not gettin to your daughter she'll get bored because right now shes enjoying it because of the reaction shes getting.

Answer 8

um i think you should get the school involved and the social worker , do a police report, file a complaint do u stay in an apartment if so go to the rent office use all the power u have invetested in u show the mother and the daughter that the bullying has to STOP

Answer 9

Well I got bullied in school and I was in many fights. Teach her NOT to get into fights. What I did is talked to my parents and started Cyber School. It worked out great. But if thats not an option I would talk to the school about it. They can help a lot. Also as many others had said she NEEDS to stand up for herself.

Answer 10

I am 12 too and i hate when people swear! especially at me. i think if someone was calling me those things for the past 4 years i probably would have gone crazy, but i think u should go talk to people at the school like possibly the guidance counciler or principal or even the girls teacher to see if she has been reported for swearing at anyone else. Also you might want to talk to the girl herself with your daughter and the girls mother. maybe if you interrogated her she might 'fess up. if this continues, you may want to have your daughter just tell her "stop swearing at me or i'm gonna tell the principal" or even just skip the threat part and go straight to telling the principal herself. i hope the name-calling stops and if this advice works, please e-mail me by going to my profile because i would really like to know.

~caza~ (not my real name but i would never use that on a public site)

Answer 11

I would go to the school, definitely. My daughter recently had a girl in her class go through this, and although she is still not well liked, the harassment has stopped for the most part.
A very drastic solution would be to move to a new school. I know it sounds crazy, but once a child is labelled and bullied it really makes for a horrid school life. I would not want to be in that situation and I would assume it is not one you want to send your 12 year old into. A friend of mine moved her daughter to a new school and she has adapted well and loves all her new friends.