whats wronge with me?

Question

my wife of 20 years treat me like dirt i am good to her i cook clean do the laundry go to the store . buy her stuff animals,flowers,clothes i do all this and all i ask is that she love me back she spends most of her time on the computer and out with her friends and when i ask if i can go with her she she saids no and if i surggust a romantic nite together where she where she goes out buys me somethings romantic or do something romantic for me or just surprize me she never have the money or time it,s somthing always more important then my needs or wants i also whish that she wouldn,t fuss at me in public or yell so the whole house and block could hear.

Answer 1

D I V O R C E is in your near future. Hire an attorney.

Answer 2

Well, if this is a recent development, you need to take a long hard look at your relationship to see what has changed. Then, simply address the root problem and it will work out one way or the other.

My suspicion is that this has been going on for most of the 20 years of your marriage. If this is the case, then you are just as much at fault as she is. You say that you do everything for her (cook, clean, buy her stuff, etc) and that she is always going out with friends or on the computer. Since you did not make a stand way back when, she has assumed the role of taker and you are the giver. It may be too late to change either one of you, but if you are not happy, you need to tell her that and what she needs to do to help you. If she loves you, she will understand and help. If not, you may be better off finding someone else.

If you do get a divorce, try not to let anyone else walk over you that much ever again...love is a two way street.

Answer 3

Well...if you really do all the things that you say you do for her, you would have no issue finding a woman that would appreciate that every single day and not take advantage of you. It sounds as though she may be bored and you need to figure out why. Maybe she is needing some space right now. Has this been going on for a long time? If you are telling her to do nice things for you or suprise you, then that is a problem, you should not have to tell her that, she should just want too. I understand what you are going through. I am the "you" in my relationship and I am currently thinking of getting the affection and attention I need elsewhere. I am not saying that is the right thing to do, but you can only explain it so many times and then you have to go forward with your happiness. good luck

Answer 4

Okay, this sounds like a classic case of role reversal. What you have described in your actions are usually attributed a woman and what you described in her actions are usually attributed to a man. I do not mean to sound sexist in any way but I think you need to put your foot down. She should never be yelling at you in public or so loud in the house that the whole block hears. First, stop buying her stuff. That obviously has not worked and it hasn't changed her attitude. Second, buy yourself something. You deserve it for doing all of the housework and cooking and cleaning. When she is out with her friends don't sweat it. Find a hobby or something that you are interested in doing and do it while she is out with her friends. Don't ask her to go out or have a romantic evening together. Find your own interests and indulge. Email me and tell me what happened.

Answer 5

You have put up with this for 20 years more fool you. My I suggest something. Move out for a while, give her nothing, just disappear for a while. Just leave a note saying that you have gone away for a time and will return when you feel that you can be given some respect. go to a hotel or something. Have no contact with her. she will ether not bother so in that case you are better off without her or she will try to find you. If she does you tell her straight that you will return home if she changes her ways but not until. it seems a short sharp shock is what's needed here. Don't be afraid to do it.
AGONY UNCLE.

Answer 6

I suspect this is not real. But if it is, what the hell is wrong with you...you are being treated exactly as you indicate you want to be treated...20 years? Somehow I suspect that if you have gone this long with this kind of life, you like being treated like dirt. Believe it or not, there are men out there who would have slammed the door on that kind of life within about 10 minutes. I am one of them. Since you have lost your backbone along the way, perhaps you could go buy one and try it on for size. If you do not like this feeling, then change it..either put a spin that works on your existing life, or change your existing life...no other choices that I can find.

Answer 7

im sorry to hear that. I've come to realize that women to really appreciate a decent good man anymore. Maybe after 20 years she has fallen into a rut? or maybe the love might not be there anymore. I think that instead of suggesting a romantic evening just pick her up from work and do it. Or go to dinner and invite her friends so that she sees how much fun you are. Dont expect romantic things from her obviously shes not into it. Youll have to do it since your into it. I hope things get better.

Answer 8

whipshh whipshh, is all I can hear when i read you tale of woe. Grow a set and start preparing for war, err I mean divorce. Get your own bank account. Stash money in it. Arrainge a place to go to. Like sign a lease on an apartment you can afford. Start moving things out of the house and into storage that are yours or you want to keep. Then with out warning, walk out on her. That will give you the greatest satisfaction you ever had. No yelling, no begging to stay. Just be gone. And if she gets uppity, just rub it in her face that you are better off with out her and live you life the best you can. Don't by p@ssy whipped, whip that p*ssy.

Answer 9

Sounds like you are a couple seriously in need of marriage counseling. I'm sorry for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. If she won't get counseling, get some relationship books and start working on ways to improve the relationship yourself or see a counselor yourself. It sounds like you may be "empowering" her to treat you this way. Take away her power over you. Stand up to her. Don't take abuse from her. There is a book called "boundaries in marriage" by Henry Cloud that might help you. Here is a link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/103-8426076-9415811?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=boundaries+in+marriage&Go.x=0&Go.y=0&Go=Go

If you don't have children involved, I would consider separation (not necessarily divorce) but maybe a separation would get her attention. This book can help you stop being a doormat and start letting your wife now how you require to be treated. Also, prayer can help too. You cannot personally change someone that does not want to change. However, you can seek help from God to work on your behalf and you focus on improving yourself to be the best you can be....with our without your wife. Good luck to you!

Answer 10

I think she maybe cheating on you. But let's focus on you for now. The first thing you need to do is analyze you do you work make good money look like the same guy that she meet care about your looks. I think you should stay on point look & smell good all the time stay busy be nice and wacth her this works if a women knows your looking good & your not with her you just may open her eye's to what's right in her face because someone else seems to be giving her what she need's

Answer 11

Oh my goodness. Sounds like you have set yourself up to be a door mat. Stop doing all those things for her, and don't say anything to her about what she is doing. Tell her you will no longer be her maid, servent, or whipping boy, and you have had enough. If she wants the marriage to work, she needs to start meeting you half way. If she is unwilling to change, maybe she doesn't want to be married anymore. She is taking advantage of you BIG TIME! And I'm sorry to say, you are letting her act this way.