My husband read an old journal - your input please?

Question

We're seperating and I left a bunch of stuff at our old apartment, which he is staying in.

He went through my stuff while I was not there, and found a journal from 8 years ago and 3 years into my marriage. I met an old boyfriend to tie up a loose end - we had broken up long before my marriage, but I went back to apologize for getting involved with him while he was married. I was having a lot of dreams about him at the time and was very emotional about the whole thing. Anyway I was young and foolish and although in my mind and in the journal I had romantic thoughts, in real life I only wanted to make amends as a friend and for spiritual reasons.
My husband claims I lied to him and says he does not believe I've never cheated on him. (I haven't.) He claims that as my husband he had every right to read my journal and that I betrayed him by what I did.

What do you think?

Answer 1

It seems to me,in light of the current separation, he's trying to "find" something he can use against you. also, he could believe he's ,"just looking for the truth", because he's been suspicious , and wants to put his mind @ ease. I think you we're right for apologizing to the "ex". At least your trying to learn from your past mistakes. Some people refuse to give others" grace."- maybe because they haven't been forgiven much in their lives. And,sometimes because THEY'RE feeling "guilty" about something! ? Pray for the best! - Bill

Answer 2

You are separating, so why does it matter what he thinks? As for the journal, You'd been his wife for three years, and had a date with an old boyfriend. I'm going out on a limb here, cuz you don't say, but I'm betting you didn't tell your husband you had a date. So, reading about the date in your journal must have been an unpleasant shock. And, since you'd written down your romantic thoughts, your husband knows what you were thinking and feeling then. It will be impossible to convince him you've never cheated. Why? Because you cheated. Any married person, who arranges and goes on a secret date with an old flame- IS CHEATING. It doesn't matter IF you end up in bed. You wrote romantic thoughts about the guy, and went to meet him. Your husband won't ever forget, and ain't gonna believe you didn't have an affair. In his place, would you believe it?

Answer 3

My mother raised me to believe that you should never read another person's diary / journal.....and if you do, you had better be prepared to read something you do not like.:) His being your husband does not entitle him to read the personal thoughts and feelings that were placed in the journal with the expectation of it being kept private. At this point, who cares if you were right or wrong to have met with your ex. If you are separated, than you two already have a million other problems to focus on. Tell your husband that he can stew over this if he wants to. He should not have been snooping, and you should probably keep your journals very close to you from now on.:)

Answer 4

I think it doesn't matter. You guys are already going your separate ways anyway. He shouldn't have read it...that's your personal space...and he certainly shouldn't have read it if you guys had already made a decision to move on from each other...however, it wasn't right to go meet someone behind his back while you were married, for whatever reason.
The big thing is that now it's kind of "obsolete" isn't it?
He's just looking for more things to "kick a dead horse" with.
Just let him talk, and do what you're already doing, move on.
Don't carry any baggage with you. You tried it, it didn't work, the end. All of the "whys" don't really matter now.

Answer 5

Your husband has no right to read your journal. The minute he knew what it was, he should have put it away for you and not touched it. It shows a lack of personal integrity, a low sense of self worth (only insecure people read journals), and someone who has no concept of personal space or boundaries.

Whether he believes you cheated, or not, is irrelevant. You're separating anyway, so to heck with his issues.

Frankly, I'd just point out to him that since he has so little personal integrity as to read a private document, then you really have nothing to justify..and then don't.

Answer 6

He didn't have any RIGHT to read it...that is private. However, without keeping it protected or safe from view, there really wasn't much you could do to stop him from peeking into your innermost thoughts.

There are thoughts that we all have (your husband included) that perhaps shouldn't be exposed to others because of their fantasy. But your husband did cross the line by going into your personal journal. I'm sure he was looking for something like that to hold over your head. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do now but try to control the damage.

Answer 7

He may not have had the right to read your journal. But the marriage is over, so what's the big deal? Move on. And next time don't leave your journals lying around if you don't want the people near them to read them.

Answer 8

Well in a way...I caan definitely understand him getting upset..because in his mind if it were so innocent then you would have mentioned it. On the other hand..wha you write in your own journal is your business..and you should have your privacy. You should also be able to write down your thoughts and feelings without being worried about what anyone thinks...even your husband. What right did he have to read your personal book?

Answer 9

You left your stuff there? Once you left, any stuff you left there, he has a right to do what he wants to do with it! My ex, only took his tooth brush, and a couple of clothes. He left all the other stuff! After 6 months he still didn't come get it! I sold alot of it at garage sales, and threw away the rest.

Get your stuff out of there, before it's too late!

And I agree with your husband, about the ex boyfriend. Sorry!

Answer 10

have you ever heard the saying don't write something down that you don't want the whole world knowing. i understand where you are coming from, but men do not think like we do, and it seems men are always suspicious of anything we do, and when they ask us about something hell no matter what we tell them they already have it made up in their minds what actually is going on. you do have a right to privacy even if you are married.