When do you break up and finaly call it quits in a relationship when your engaged and living together?

Question

i have been with my now fiancee for 3 years, engaged for 6 months. In the last month there has been some lying and another man but she has since come clean. she wants everythign to be the way it was and i said ok, then last week she calls me while i am 3 hours away on business for a 5 day trip and tells me she is moving out. I get back home and she is still there wanting to work things out now. I just don't know if i can put myself through this anymore and would like some advice on how to handle this. We live together but I own the home. We have a dog together that we both love? She has called her parents and they are upset with her and now calling me telling me their daughter is loosing the best thing in her life. They still want to maintain a relationship with me and are sad and crying over this. I feel so bad, but she wronged me and her ambivilance has driven me to not want to be with her anymore. I am not interested in anyone else by any means, i am just tired of being hurt.

Answer 1

You should be thankful that all these happened before you finally get married. I think it's God's way of telling you that she's not worth your love and definitely you don't deserve her. Break up the soonest possible time and move on.

Answer 2

This woman is not mature enough for marriage, as you can well see. She is a rather selfish person and very much the spoiled brat; and you are right about not wanting to put yourself through anymore of her hurtful behavior. Her parents may be nice people, but don't allow them to cloud your thinking. Neither should you allow anyone to make you feel guilty about your decision. You are being very wise to get out of the relationship, so don't second guess yourself. It's probably good that you have no other interests now, because you need time to heal, before getting involved with someone new. Take your time and pamper yourself for a while. The ladies will still be out there, when you're ready to get back in circulation.

I sincerely wish you well. You sound like a nice guy who got attached to the wrong girl. It happens.

Answer 3

She doesn't deserve you. If she can't respect you, then the relationship is doomed. If she has feelings for another man and is sneaking around while you are on bussiness trips, she is not worth your heart, time and commitment.

Sorry, but she is not marriage material. If you marry her, it will be worse and after the expenses of the wedding, you'll have the expenses of a divorce, plus losing 50% of your home.

Run for the hills and do not marry her. Give her a 30 day eviction notice and tell her to move her junk by X date, Change the locks, get your self a new dog and move on with your life. Get the ring back and know that you deserve faitfulness, comitment and respect. Anything else is BS.

Answer 4

Not everything has a happy ending . . .and this is one of them. You're not really asking a question - but rather stating the obvious - that it's over! It's too bad, as three years is a long time to be committed to someone and find it just isn't working. You certainly deserve better treatment than what you're getting. Once the ties are permanently cut the healing process can begin for everyone including her parents. Things will be bleak for a while - but life does go on and happier days are in the future - hopefully for all concerned..

Answer 5

This is a very tough situation and it's going to be hard to get out of. However, if you don't want to be with her anymore, your not doing anyone any favours staying. Since it's your house she'll have to move, as for the dog, share custody if you think that will be easier. You can avoid seeing her by dropping the dog off at her parents house and leaving before she gets there. Maintain a relationship with her parents by inviting them to dinner or coffee at your place to avoid running into her at their place. As hard as it is, it's better to make the break now and not a long way down the road when your in even deeper. I really hope this all works out for you..Good Luck..

Answer 6

I think you have reached your decision and only have to decide how long she has to move her things out of your home and who will get to keep the dog. I know you both love the dog but if it means not having a fight and she can provide the dog a good home, then please consider giving her the dog and getting yourself another pet. Pick your battles wisely. Sometimes these fights are ways to prolong contact and the quicker you can get on with your life, the faster you will heal.

I know you will hear this over and over, but better to break up now then get divorced later. You'll be okay and so will she, no matter what she says to the contrary.

Answer 7

I hate to say it but I do believe that she is testing the waters with someone else. It sounds like she wants to try it out while still have you as the insurance policy if it doesn't work out. I think that you need to end it. I know it is excrutiating with an animal involved. I personally think that the dog should be yours because you haven't done anything to cause the problem. She needs to get out and get on with her life, and feel the pain of losing someone so loyal and willing to work things out. Don't be her pillow to cry on, because she clearly hasn't been there to collect your tears. If worse comes to worse, keep strong and tell her to get out, and take the dog if that's what its going to take. I had to give up 2 dogs with my 1st divorce, and it nearly killed me. I know its not an easy decision, but if she loves the dog as much as you say - she will take very good care of it. I would make it clear to her that if she ever didn't want the dog that she needs to bring it back to you if that were to happen. Sometimes people use the pets to keep the relationship together, and once the relationship is gone their relationship with the pet changes. As far as her family goes, don't overdo it right after the break up by hanging out for dinners, etc. Just tell them that you are going through a difficult time, and would love to keep in touch but that you need some time. I ended a 7 year relationship, and waited about six years, but reconnected with his family as close as if nothing happened. My heart goes out to you over this difficult drama. I hope things work out, but you really need to make this decision for her as her actions have already proven her intentions.

Answer 8

She's obviously not commited to you. The worst thing you could do is still get married. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but you are better off knowing now, rather than later. You deserve someone that really loves you and isn't changing her mind every other day. Let her go. You will get over it. Believe me, you are better off.

Answer 9

Sounds like shes playing games with you. I would politely give her 2 weeks to move out(It is YOUR home). If she doesnt move, refuses...you can have her "evicted" using police force.

If you still care for her, start "dating" her again. Rebuild the relationship from scratch.

If shes been cheating, dishonest or anything in the past...then that will sure put a damper on things.

As for her parents, sounds like they are right, but its SHE that made the decisions to lie and cheat, not you. Tell her parents, you arent giving up your friendship to THEM, just HER.
I kept my friendship with my ex's aunt....and Its been great. Shes like a 2nd mom to me. I wouldnt trade that for the world.

Good luck...Hope things work for you.

Answer 10

She's out, you keep the dog. This woman is not ready to be in a committed relationship. Her constant theatrics are affecting you and her family and she doesn't seem to care. You need to find someone more stable if you want a good marriage partner.