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Here is my question....I am going through a divorce and we have a terminally ill child.....I do not want to fight with the father when the time to bury our son....who gets to make the final decision if one can not be agreed upon? The lawyers and even a judge here has said that they have never been asked this before but I want to make sure everything is taking care of before hand. Thanks so much for your help! And if anyone knows of a case of a code number please leave that info!

2007-05-01 08:01:28 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

11 answers

If you can, could you make the final arrangements NOW before the divorce is finalized? This is for your child, and I don't know how you are surviving.

Back to your question--who can make the final decision? I would say whomever is the primary care giver.

You are a very strong woman and I applaud that.

2007-05-01 08:04:46 · answer #1 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0 1

First of all, I am so sorry about your child. Is there nothing the doctors can do to help him. Second - this should NOT be an issue for divorce. If you know how long the child has - BOTH of you should set aside your differences for the child's sake - spend as much time with the child as you can and BOTH of you should share in the responsibility of the burial - Go to a funeral home together and together pre-pay and pre-plan the services. Do NOT spend time in court deciding who gets to bury your child - spend the time WITH the child - maybe you will find out what made you fall in love in the first place and his passing can bring you back together. I am a parent of a child that is also disabled and currently going through chemotherapy for brain cancer, so I will say a prayer for child. Please do not make this an issue for the courts - this is a private and painfull matter - - - BOTH of you have the right to make that decision. Good Luck to you and God Bless.

2007-05-01 08:12:10 · answer #2 · answered by Perfect_Brat 3 · 1 0

I can't imagine how difficult this is for you.
I have been through neither of these situations (divorce, terminally ill child), but the key here may be to work this out with your husband...and not include lawyers until an agreement has been made between you and your ex. Let the lawyers put the agreement in writing..DO NOT let them have a say in the arrangements..that's not their business.

I would think that even in a difficult divorce (not saying yours was) that 2 adults would be able to agree on the following major components of the burial.
>> cost..who covers what (child life insurance?)
>> location of wake, funeral
>> burial location (consider cremation so both parents can split the ashes and retain custody of 1/2 and bury any way they consider proper

Please accept my best wishes.

2007-05-01 08:09:06 · answer #3 · answered by Flight_14 2 · 0 0

Derek Ryan Savannah Heather Bradley William Mariah Khloe Priscilla Grace Alexander John Cayley Lana

2016-05-18 01:34:51 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0 0

probably not much help but I have a mentally challenged son and when I went through the divorce my ex's lawyer stipulated that the fact was known before son was 18 so it had to be put in the divorce papers who was going to pay support and how much if Social security ever was withheld from sons support (he's 25, 22 when divorced ) just as you would a dependent child under 18.
I believe all that has to be done is add child's name to divorce papers as to who is going to pay for what, when judge approves divorce what ever is agreed upon is the way it is suppose to dealt with.
Just for your piece of mind anything that you want to be documented as far as stuff you own separately and division of property have it spelled out word for word in divorce decree.

2007-05-01 08:12:01 · answer #5 · answered by Dennis G 5 · 0 0

I'm so sorry for all your troubles. It's terrible that all this is happening to you.

I'm not a lawyer or anything, but I would suggest that you try to get things worked out during the divorce proceedings . That way there might be less of an issue over who gets to do what. Do you both want really different things? Also you don't say how old your son is -- could he be part of the discussion at all, or is he not old enough?

You are in my thoughts. Best wishes.

2007-05-01 08:06:32 · answer #6 · answered by falco_aesolon 4 · 0 0

Try to work out a solution that you both agree on. It will be the best for your son right now. It sounds like you are anticipating an argument about this. This is the time to work it out.

Who ever has custody would be my guess who gets the final say.

2007-05-01 08:08:04 · answer #7 · answered by jdelcoiro@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0 0

wow, i think you and ur husband should try to draw up some terms as best as possible before the divorce is final. FOR instance each pay 50% of funeral costs. Father decides where wake is, mother decides where burial is. I mean im sorry you have to fight about this but it is best to try to be amicable with this split and come to terms.

2007-05-01 08:05:15 · answer #8 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0 0

Gosh, it seems odd that your lawyer can't seem to help or even know how to help you, or direct you in handling this. I would be frustrated! I don't have the answer, but the legal system should have some way to direct you. I would keep asking people. Good luck!

2007-05-01 08:07:23 · answer #9 · answered by trancegoddess2001 3 · 0 0

You would think two adults who at one time loved each other would be able to put their differences aside to agree on one damm thing. It seems that you are more concerened about who gets to make that decision instead of what it consists of. I hope you will find it in your heart to back off, and be opened minded instead of worrying about who gets to be boss.

2007-05-01 08:08:36 · answer #10 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0 2

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