Dated a woman for 14 mos.-Were friends for yrs-Older brother s3xually abused her during childhood. She’s 45 & lives at home (where the abuse took place) with her mom-in same room she had when she was 9. She’s attractive, had abusive relationships, but no friends. She has plenty of $ & could easily move out. As we dated, she would get weird—accusing me of saying things that are s3xually inappropriate. I never tried to do this, & we NEVER HAD S3X. I actually liked her. I was sensitive about the abuse, but she called me names, hit me & been emotionally abusive. After 14 mos., I decided to bring this up. When I tried, she lost it & accused me of s3xually inappropriate behavior 0VER 1 YR AGO. She also said I was s3xually inappropriate around her niece-24 & with a meth addict. Only been around niece 2X. Anyway, she stopped talking in Jan.-crossed paths with her 2X. She was uncomfortable-acting like she would like to talk. I sent her note expressing no animosity-wishing her well. Was this OK?
2007-05-01 06:07:37 · 11 answers · asked by dantiuspalaptine 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It sounds like you did everything you could for this poor woman and more. You were kind, considerate and put up with a lot more than I would have from anyone. Just be very careful opening yourself up to that world again. She's troubled, with tons of baggage and could use some professional help to get her life on track. Don't re-expose yourself to her dark side, that's not fair to you. Best Wishes.
2007-05-01 06:14:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're going to be just fine. She...on the other hand, after going through the trauma she must have suffered through in her past, will need some gentle guideness and professional extensive, intensive therapy. The abuse she experienced both in her childhood and adult life would effect and/damage anyone, especially if they had no 'safe place' and/trusted friends to assist them. The best thing you can do for her right now is to 'be there' for her and try to help her any way you see appropriate. She more then likely believes that she's doing the best she can do and doesn't see the problem within herself. It's not her. It's the 'mind set' instilled and/scared into her that's making her react the way she has been. Hang in there. Be her friend. Even a 'silent' friend is better then no one at all. God bless
2007-05-01 06:27:15 · answer #2 · answered by happy dream 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose that was OK, but I have to tell you that you were right to leave her.
She has enough money to leave home but is still living in the same room and house where the abuse took place? She needs help if she is ever going to get right.
A note wishing her well is fine, but don't take it farther than that. If you ever have any contact with her in the future, offer to get her some help. Or talk to her mother!
2007-05-01 06:11:52 · answer #3 · answered by Delvala 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow sounds just like me and my aunt. My Aunt is 45 and was sexually abused by my father and I was also. I grew up just like that woman. It's hard to get help. I believe she needs to seek medical attention. This anger towards her brother is still killing her inside. It was her freaking childhood. You were right to get out if you can't handle her depression. She is seriously depressed. Nothing will help her except therapy and medicine. Or you can tell her to get it all out with no regret and tell her you'll be her friend. She needs someone to talk with.
2007-05-01 06:23:39 · answer #4 · answered by fourcheeks4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as if this woman has more problems than you can "fix". You might even end up in legal trouble if you were to stay around her. Your friend needs some serious counseling. You did the right thing wishing her well.
2007-05-01 06:23:18 · answer #5 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She had serious issues and apparently needs a LOT of counseling. Your note was fine, but I wouldn't recommend getting involved with her again. At her age, she'll be in her 60's before she's actually read for a relationship (if ever).
2007-05-01 06:11:28 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont listen to the person that said try and get her help! Thats not for you to do. If you tried to do that it would be you that needed the help next. GO GO GO! while you are still healthy! Shes not going to be normal any time soon. It will take alot of work that shes probably not willing to do
2007-05-01 06:16:43 · answer #7 · answered by stardawned 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she needs some therapy to fully put the issues of her past behind her. I think you've done all you can, and you should simply let her go her own way if you can't help her.
2007-05-01 06:12:37 · answer #8 · answered by Jarien 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was fine but i wouldn't contact her again. she's very obviously mentally unstable and until she works out her own issues she will never be ready for a healthy relationship. just know that you did the right thing and treated her right and did your best but now you just have to cut ties and move on! hopefully she can get help for herself one day
2007-05-01 06:12:04 · answer #9 · answered by JM 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just leave her alone, she has been brain washed by her parents and now that she is older, it is coming out in other ways, (like accusing YOU)... she will NEVER be alright... i hope you can move on
good luck
2007-05-01 06:11:15 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋