She refuses to cook, clean or do anything of significance around the house. I even offered to stay home and take care of the kid's and the house if she wanted to work. All 3 kid's go to school full time. I almost at the point to tell her to pack her bag's and get out! What do I do?
2007-05-01 06:05:03 · 26 answers · asked by wanted 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It wasn't always like this. She used to work outside the home and always said after the kid's were in school she would help with the bill's. It started soon after I started college to get my degree in education. I am half way though with my degree and she does not see why school is so important.
2007-05-01 06:24:18 · update #1
It sounds like she may have clinical depression. Please don't judge her or assume that she wants to be like this! Instead talk to your family doctor about what is going on with her. I'll bet he has a diagnosis and treatment that can change things for the better.
It's hard not to be angry at someone who is depressed, but please, look at the bigger picture. She needs your help, not your condemnation. No one can "snap out of it" by an act of will, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain and needs chemical treatment.
2007-05-01 07:10:13 · answer #1 · answered by Mother Amethyst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does she say when you ask her? Has she always refused to cook, clean or do anything of signficance in the last 12 years or did this just come about? Could she maybe have a condition like depression that needs treatment? Perhaps she does more than you give her credit for or appreciate. I know of a case where the wife cooked but not totally gourmet meals and it wasn't a problem until the husband started having an affair and then he started nitpicking about everything to try to mask the real issue. Hopefully that isn't the case with you. Please remember your marriage vows you made with her and remember your 3 children. Get help, counseling, a maid or whatever but don't so easily give up on the marriage. Goodluck.
2007-05-01 06:21:25 · answer #2 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough call to make. How much do you love her?? Is she happy with the way her life is now or does she just sit and complain? Sometimes people need a little push to get things going but kicking them out of the house shouldn't be one of them, not in this situation anyways. Tell her that you are upset about how she chooses to spend her days and you were expecting a little more on her side in keeping a healthy marriage. If she disgust you that much then tell her so and see what she does next. If you got into the marriage knowing that this was how its going to be then its going to be hard to start changing things now. I don't know about most people but I feel that being a stay at home mom is kind of a full time job but if you want more then just tell her. Good luck.
2007-05-01 06:29:39 · answer #3 · answered by CeeCee19 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there a possible medical condition? She might be experiencing depression, or a low grade depression called dysthymia. She may have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I suggest a full medical exam and state to the doc that she has no desire to do anything. Perhaps a little medication help may be all the help she needs.
Maybe you and the family are all the ambition she needs, and the added help from meds may make up any differences. Either way, she's your wife, you vowed to keep her for better or worse. This is bad, but not the worst.
Good luck
2007-05-01 06:14:17 · answer #4 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How is your wife's health? Has she had a checkup, lately? If not, insist that she do so. If her health is not a problem, perhaps she's depressed about something. You know you wife better than anyone else; is she happy in the marriage? Are you seeing another woman? Do you spend time with your wife? When is the last time you took her out for dinner? Do you guys have a decent sex life? Is the woman burned out? Does she actually refuse to cook and clean? If she's not sick, not unhappy, and not burned out, then she's lazy. If she's just plain lazy, tell her to either get up off her butt and do something, or pack her bags and get out!
2007-05-01 06:17:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
it would be interesting to know if she was always like this. if so, why is it bothering you now? if not, well, that's a different story.
she could be going through a depression, it often happens after raising children, taking care of your hubby, the house, etc. she probably has lost her sense of 'self', she should see her doctor about it, sometimes, temporary meds will help. it's embarrassing for a woman to feel this way after many years as a housewife and mother, often they won't admit it because they see it as a sign of 'weakness' on their part, she might even be more 'defensive' now, even at the littlest comments. but she can get out of her 'funk', so to speak.
the best thing to do (as you are trying now, good for you), is to be understanding (i know you don't understand, trust me, either does she), let her know you're willing to help her through this phase, but that you need her 'on board' too. your love and understanding is what she needs at the moment, although you might not think it's enough, she will appreciate it.
maybe you can get a gift certificate (shopping/spa), show tickets, concert, etc., buy 2, one for her, and one for a girlfriend, a day/evening away, will do her good, if only for a while.
best of luck, keep the faith.
2007-05-01 06:22:03 · answer #6 · answered by SunEvents 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say your wife is clinically depressed. I never used to believe in stuff like that - but I've been proven wront - it does exist and it can ruin you. There are so many options out there for her and getting the right treatment can and will put the "spring" back into her step - so to speak and give her back her happiness and desire in life. I understand your frustration - however, expressing that frustration could be making it worse. (Sorry) Get her to go see a doctor - a medical doctor can diagnose her and treat her. Good luck and I hope things work out for you both.
2007-05-01 06:27:34 · answer #7 · answered by cfisher4234 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are making things too easy for her.. But on the other hand, its not easy to take care of kids, house and then have energy to do something else. Maybe she thinks she already done her fare of work in this lifetime..
2007-05-01 06:11:47 · answer #8 · answered by wahm_jas03 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her if she doesn't shape up soon, you are going to leave her. Women are by no means meant to be slaves, but if she doesn't do ANYTHING to pull her weight around the house (and/or she's not generating any income for the family), she needs to go.
What kind of example do you think she is setting for your children by having no ambition whatsoever?
2007-05-01 06:10:01 · answer #9 · answered by Delvala 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't give ultimatums that just makes it worse. Try to talk to her about it and let her know how you are feeling. Maybe there's more behind it then u know. May suggest seeing a counsler for a no biased third party view.
2007-05-01 06:13:06 · answer #10 · answered by prettyfroggy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋