How do I leave my husband without going broke?

Question

Im 22 years old and been married for 3 years with somebody I have nothing in common with we figt alot we make each other feel like crap. Is time to go but I have no job nothing everything but this computer belongs to him we have 2 kids, 2 and 4 I dont want to leave them with him because he dont take care of them. What do I do somebody any Ideas?

Answer 1

I don't answer many of these, hon, but yours is soooo typical of young women who think that having children early in their marriage would be just wonderful...." Have my baaaaaaaabyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

I'll make it real for you.....

If you were my mom's kid, this would not have happened to you.... Why did you marry so young?.... why did you have children in a 'new" relationship, and why did you not finish your education, and look 3 years down the road???? You are in one really bad financial mess.... see if you can salvage part of your life... words from my mom when I was 16:

1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart.
2. Never have children you yourself cannot support and educate. And remember, children are not binding, they are divisive. Kids can destroy anything. Have them only when you are prepared, and your bond is strong.I
3. Finish your education, no matter what, to qualify for high paying jobs. It is likely you will work sometime during your marriage --- probably for decades. Get paid for it. Marriage is not a lifelong meal ticket. I don't want my daughter working for McDonald's... let some other woman's daughters work there....
4. Have a stash of cash that no one knows about, even if you are convinced you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.

Thank you mom for these words sooo long ago. I will always love you for these.....

These four little things saved my A$$ more times than I can count when I was growing up.

Here's what has happened to your relationship, hon.

You went from being the babe, the sexy lady, the huss, to mother and housewife. He went from being the man, the dude the sex machine, to father and provider. Neither of you were prepared for this 180 degree in your roles as parents. This is what my mom meant when she said "divisive". If you are arguing all the time, this is why.

Can you save this marriage? Maybe. Get in counseling and find out. A few session will let you know... best money you will ever spend... And in the meantime, go back to school... others have, you can too.

Answer 2

You own half of everthing. The court will divide that up 50\50. You also will be liable for half of your marital debts.

You will have to get a job and some skills. You will get the kids half the time he will get them the other half. Becuase you have to work, your kids will be in some crappy day care all day. You will get some child support and maybe some alimony. Financially your life will probably be VERY difficult. Your kids will be emotional wrecks because you and your husband won't be able to quit fighting and put the kids first.

Your husband will want to be with your kids also, so you will have to sit down with him and discuss a reasonable custody arrangement, or spend $$$$$$ with a couple of blood sucking lawyers. Either way, the kids lose.

Don't think that you are getting rid of your husband either. Kids are forever, and you two will always be connected by them. You will have to see him all the time for at least the next 25 years.

My advice. If you haven't tried counseling, try it. It is a lot cheaper. Marriage is hard work. Go work on it!!!

Answer 3

There are some good ideas here, including marriage counseling.

No matter if you stay in the marriage or not... it might a good idea to think about what you would like to do if you had to work. To this end... if you don't have a job, then you need to prepare yourself for one. If you have a community college in your area, get the brochure and look up classes that you might be interested in. Or take a night class or an online class to learn some new skills. I'm not saying you have to go for a degree... I'm saying that you should prepare for the future by taking a specific class that will lead to a good job, like medical billing, home health care, computer skills or data management, child development and daycare training, something practical like that. In addition, home-based businesses have exploded over the last ten or 15 years. Get online and join a community of moms or dads that work from home. Get their ideas and support. There are tons of things that you can do from home to make money.

Update:... Damn, April... (the poster below)... this is one of the most impressive answers I've seen on Yahoo. Your mom sounds like one smart lady. Kudos to her, and to you. Be strong, my friend... and don't forget to enjoy the fruits of your labors and spread your love around in the midst of all that hard work.

Answer 4

Girl I was married to a man for 6 years and we are still married, but I left him in 2004. I let my job and everything and went to live with some friends. It was the one thing that saved my life. I wanted to leave for years but I only had deadend job and was scared of how to support myself. Once my car was paid for I took my name off of all the bill we had jointly. I packed the things I loved the most that I could not part with. Everything else I left behind and I took a train to NYC. I lived with my friends for a few weeks. Got a good job and started my life over. I meet a new guy we had a child. With my husband I could not have kids..nothing was wrong with either of us but for 10 years it did not happen. Since the day I left I never looked back. It was the one time in my life I did the best thing for ME. Something in side of me just made me get up and leave..we both knew it was over I was just scared of not making enough to support me. Now I own my own house in FL and I am engaged to a great man. If this is what you want you can pick up and do it. It will behard the first few weeks GOd no's it will be hard...but dont look back. Good luck

Answer 5

Move out, take the kids, and go to your parent's house. Reassure them that it will be temporary. Get a job right away, no matter what it is doing, and start saving. You'll need to pay for attorney fees for the divorce. Once you've been working for a while and have some money, get an apartment, but make sure it's close to mom and dad. You will need their help with childcare while the kids are young. Well, you don't NEED their help, but it sure will help a lot.

Answer 6

I'm sorry hun, I know exactly what it feels like. The first thing I did was open my own checking account with me as the only signatory. I funneled money in there saying it was because he was too busy to pay bills and sign the checks, and that we were saving up for a vacation (with a big smile like nothing was wrong!).

You will need a support group to keep the kids. If you do have to go to court for custody, start keeping a journal of what your husband does or doesn't do with the kids. That'll help you keep custody.

Good luck hun, it's hard to leave, and hard to start anew, but it's good for your mental health. You can email me anytime.

Answer 7

Get a lawyer, he will have to pay child support. Look for an apartment, low income apartments, with out a job you should be able to get one fairly cheap. Go the the local branch of your welfare department, apply for everything that you can. Also, go to the unemployment office and sign up. They will help you find a job that suits your qualifications. You will eventually, sooner than later, need to have a job to go anywhere with your life. Here are a few of the first steps to take to make yourself independent. And be able to provide for your children. Good luck

Answer 8

i like how the first response is to get support, is there no thought to maybe possibly getting a job?

if you feel like you could stick around 2 years just go to a tech school and get a 2 year degree, or just find a job and move out, it isnt fair to either of you to be unhappy and married just because you dont want to work or are worried about money

Answer 9

If you can put up with his bs for a little while longer, try. In the meantime try finding a job so you can support yourself. He is probably acting like that because he has coomplete control of your life. Everything is his and you don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. Learn your lesson and never move in with a man without having your own money and independence. Life is too short to be bowing down to anyobdy.

Answer 10

I'm sorry you are in that situation. I know it is hard, but maybe you should both take some time apart, and let you get on your feet. If you aren't working, he may be required to pay you spousal and child support. I think you should reallly see an attormey and discuss your options. Good luck!