What do we do with a friend who makes a terrible house guest?

Question

One of my wife's friends (a friend, not a very close friend) recently came to stay for a week. She made a terrible house guest, offering no help with meals etc, eating our fridge empty, leaving her things all over the house and spending most of her time reading her emails. We're a pretty easy-going couple but this woman really tested our patience. Anyway, she left and we've seen her since at a few parties etc and she keeps raving about how good a stay she had and how she'd love to come back to see us again. My wife has swerved the issue a few times but this friend is getting more and more direct in her requests to come and stay. How do we avoid this but keep her as a friend? I know the obvious answer is if she was a good enough friend you could tell her but a) she's not a very close friend and is quite headstrong so may take the truth badly and b) even if we were to tell her/lay down rules, each act in isolation sounds very petty to complain about....help!

Answer 1

Be honest with her. Tell her what you expect of house guests and then see what she says. Communicate clearly with her and then she will understand.

Answer 2

some of the failure of this weekend was also due to the fact that yo udidn't ask. Some people really have no idea how to behave and think they're at a hotel. So if you invite her again, put food in the fridge for your specific meals and make sure that the 'snack' stuff is either out of sight or wrapped in foil so it really takes a positive decision to unwrap it. Then ask her to give a hand, just "oh could you be a dear and dry the dishes" always works, and "could you lay the table" and stuff like that. Always always ask with a smile. If she wants to read her emails (is it on your PC?) then I'd interrupt her after a few minutes and say that she's being very quiet, have you done anything wrong? Now that will throw her and she'll say everything's fine in which case say how much you'd like to spend the time chatting with now. Good manners dictate that she has to close off her PC and communicate with the group.
I'd give this one last shot as a house guest, because she may simply be unaware of good manners and how guests should behave. So try and involve her, ask her outright to participate, always find things to do and if she says she's working on her PC just say "oh what a shame, we're having such a great time couldn't you do it later?". She may change her behaviour. If not, well that's the last time you invite her.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Let her stay but dont go out of your way for her - have an empty fridge for a start and have a lot of 'things' lined up to do whilst she is there so you're out of the house a good bit. When you are in, make sure you get time to read your own emails. You and your wife should make excuses to meet up for your own dinner and let her fend for herself or order a takeaway and let everyone pay for their own. Definitely dont fuss over her one bit. She had far too nice a time last time she stayed. I dont know how some people can do that.

I got stung badly like that when a friend from Brussels came to stay for a week with me. I took time off work and brought him interesting places, paid for all food, meals etc - he was here 5 days before he went to the ATM to get Sterling money (which he spent on presents for his girlfriend !!!). Now he AND his girlfriend want to come and stay. I will be conveniently very 'busy' every time he suggests it and IF he does come over, I'll make sure I dont put myself out one little bit!

Answer 4

Say that it is not a good time to have guests at the moment. Suggest going to visit her house instead and when you get there work hard to be what you would expect of a guest. This should set a good example for her. Then, when she comes to stay with you, she should improve. She was probably just bought up differently to you - she just needs to be shown. Also, if she continues to check emails, say that your internet server is down or that you are trying to limit the time spent on the computer etc. Hope this helps and try to be kind to her.

~Lily

Answer 5

If I was your wife I would blame you! I would say that
that although it is good to have guests my husband
prefers it when we are alone as he does not feel the house
is his own.
If she pushed it I would say that you both found it too much
trying to fit having someone living there while there are things
that you have to do.
If she doesn't take the hint after that just tell her that she was
a lazy good for nothing that spent too much time on the computer and is worse than having a child to look and clean after! (jokin)

Answer 6

Hello:

I have been there and done that with one of my family members who was a house guest and I finally had to tell her,"Like it was,"because she was a complete pig!! I don't expect my house to look like a mansion,but I do expect people to pick up after themselves and HELP around the house with meals or with basic housekeeping if they are a guest in my house! I know that probably sounds harsh,but it amazes me how lazy and inconsiderate some people are when they are a guest in someone else's house.

My solution? Well,I know this is going to sound really tacky,but I posted a WHOLE PAGE LIST of house guest rules that are very clear and concise. My list has a very direct way of telling people that if you don't help out around here and if you eat all of our food and not offer to buy some more food to replace what you have eaten,then you won't be asked to be a house guest again,PERIOD!! I know it sounds harsh but if somebody tells me that they would like to stay over to my house,I show them the list of rules of what I expect of a guest,and if they can't follow my rules,then they don't stay here with our family,PERIOD!!

A house guest needs to be willing to help with the cooking,cleaning and basic housekeeping of somebody elses house if they are a guest in that home. I could NEVER stay over to one of my friends houses and just leave pop cans,garbage,food wrappers,dirty towels,etc laying all over the place. I think alot of people are just so lazy and inconsiderate that they will act like they are on a vacation and they expect you to be their maid,butler,chauffeur,etc.. I am telling you,if you and your wife don't tell this friend like it is,she will walk all over you like a doormat!

You teach people how to treat you and if you let this friend get away with invading your privacy,and taking advantage of your kindness,it will just keep happening until you or your wife put an end to it,PERIOD!! If anyone were to read my e-mails,or go through my personal belongings when they were a house guest in my house,I would tell them where to go and how to get there in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS WHATSOEVER!! Good Luck and please don't let this person stay over to your house again until you have some guidelines written and posted that you expect any potential house guest to follow if they want to stay over to your house!! ;-)

Answer 7

Honesty is the best policy although truth does hurt but you can be made to feel uncomfortable in you re own home.

If she is a true friend she will understand if not then you rather go without so called friends like her

the choice is yours

Answer 8

thats a toughee. been thru it myself with a "friend" whos not so close, i have resulted to lying that am not home even when i am, or coming up with silly excuses of how i need to be somwhwere or spending the night at a friends. its not a lasting solution or the best but its working for now. drop me a line if you do get a permanent solution. good luck.

Answer 9

I'd just try to avoid the issue but if she keeps asking make a joke about her making mess and laugh. If someone did that with me I'd laugh back but secretly know they weren't joking. If that fails then you're going to have to tell her the truth.

Answer 10

Hey heres what you do. Dont be formal with her it will make her feel bad. But talk to her as a true friend to show both of you care.

You should both talk to her and tell her whats wrong and if she is reasonable she will understand. We are all human beings but sometimes it takes another person to point out our mistakes.

Answer 11

make the suggestion that you go and stay with her this time and then give her a taste of her own medicine.
On the other hand you could be the most perfect house guests and show her how it's done!