Should I tell him about my surgeries and risk losing him or become pregnant and hope for the best?

Question

I’m 32 and have been incredibly insecure about my looks my whole life. I’ve spend tens of thousands of dollars on plastic surgery to completely makeover my body and fix everything I didn’t like. Two years after my last surgery I meet this incredibly good looking and charming man whom I married 18 months later and whom I’ve been married to for 3 years now. I absolutely adore the guy and even though I know he loves me there are times I doubt he’d be with me if it weren’t for my looks. He’s the only person who’s ever made me feel loved, wanted and accepted and when he proposed to me knowing he could have had his pick of beautiful girls I couldn’t believe my luck. I can’t bear the thought of losing him but I think I might now that he wants a baby. I’d love for us to have a baby of our own but the problem is he’d be expecting our baby to be a complete stunner and that’s unlikely given my genes. I’d love my baby no matter what but I doubt he’d feel the same. Do I tell him about my surgeries and risk losing him or become pregnant and hope for the best?

Answer 1

You are an incredibly shallow person. You should have told your husband that you are so insecure you spent thousands of dollars on plastic surgery before you married him.

Since you waited this long keep your mouth shut and hope for the best. If your husband finds out and he leaves you then you deserve it.

You amaze me but not in a good way.

Answer 2

Arianna,

This is all in your mind. You are very insecure and have incredibly low self esteem. You are taking a wonderful marriage, to what sounds like an amazing husband, and preparing to annihilate it! Please, and I say this with compassion and good intent, get to counseling fast. You are really going to hate yourself if these insecurities ruin your marriage.

You are the one who felt "ugly" and got surgery. Just because he fell for you afterwards doesn't mean a thing. He loves you for YOU. Part of YOU is the way you look, but you are placing way too much emphasis on that. It's a very tiny part of what is real and what matters in a marriage. Tell your husband you've had surgery. It won't be a big deal, he won't care, and you will feel better knowing he still loves you. Why would you lose him over this? It's just surgery. It's not like you cheated on him or something.

About a baby... First of all, the bond between a parent and child is the strongest bond known in life! Parents love their children unconditionally no matter how they look. Most parents think their child is the most beautiful child in the world and can't begin to imagine how anyone could disagree. Even the parents of children with physical deformities. Another thing, two ugly people can have a beautiful child, so even if any of this was rational, the point is still moot. Only a person with a mental illness would be capable of not loving a child based on looks. Trust me, your husband isn't worrying about the "beauty" genes of your future child, this is your creation in your mind. I'm more worried about you and how you would be as a mother. Children do what their parents do. These unfounded obsessions will pass to your child. You must get some professional help before getting pregnant.

You said: "He’s the only person who’s ever made me feel loved, wanted and accepted"

THE MAN LOVES YOU! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO ACCEPT THIS?

Please know I am not being mean, but this is Yahoo Answers and my one and only chance to try and get you to see the writing on the wall. This does NOT make you any less of a person, we all have insecurities. Please, for yourself, your marriage and your future child, make an appointment with a respected therapist.

Find someone you feel comfortable talking to and start talking. They can help you overcome these feelings and show you how to love and respect yourself as a human being. Step by step they will teach you how to overcome this. They will show you that you are worthy of love. This is not uncommon and I promise they have dealt with this many times before. You'll feel so much happier once you take this step. Allow yourself to do this. Nobody deserves to feel the way you feel.

Yes, tell your husband you've had surgery. Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

You mean to tell me that you've been married to this guy for 3 years and never told him you had several plastic surgeries? Hasn't he ever met your parents or seen photos of you as a child or younger adult? First of all, genetics aren't that exact to begin with. You really never know what features a child will share with you versus the other parent. There are aesthetically perfect couples who have less than aesthetically perfect children all the time. And I've seen some butt ugly people pop out the most beautiful babies you've ever seen. It just isn't cut and dry like you might think. The main problem here has nothing to do with whether you will have a beautiful baby or not. (Truly, if he's that concerned about the looks of his child rather than its health and well being, that's a huge problem in itself). The problem is that you lied to him. Ommission of information counts as lying contrary to popular belief, and a relationship based on lies has nowhere to go but down. Whether you decide to have a child with this man or not, you have to tell him the truth. Besides, if he's really as shallow as you may suspect, why would you want to have a child with him? Why would you want to stay married to him for that matter? The priorities you have taken in this relationship need to be seriously examined before you go any further in it. Besides, have a little faith in yourself. If he truly loves you, he won't care what you used to look like. Besides, everyone knows that plastic surgery isn't forever and gravity always wins. No one is beautiful and young forever. If he's going to leave you because of something having to do with your looks, it would have happened in twenty years anyway. We all get old, we all age, we all loose that youthful beauty. If he is truly the only person who has ever made you feel loved, wanted, and accepted, then have a little faith in him as well. You can be a beautiful person both inside and out, and frankly, the inside is way more important anyway, because the outside will always fade away. Talk to your husband. You owe it to your marriage to be honest with both him and yourself, and if you truly care about saving your marriage, you won't keep secrets from your husband in the future. Good luck with this. I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Ok... I would hope that the looks are just what got him to notice you across a crowded room. We beautify ourselves so that we feel more confident and so that are true inner self can be freer to come out.
I think he would have not married you based on your looks alone. Period.
Two of the most beautifully blessed people in the world can get together and have average looking children. I would not worry about this... Your child will be beautiful regardless!

You may want to consider talking to him about your surgeries, but that is up to you! :)

Best of luck!

Answer 5

I think you should stop worrying. I'm sure you were a beautiful woman but there were things about yourself you didn't like. Not to say everybody else didn't because they might have thought you were perfect. The looks of your child has nothing to do with love. You nor him will look at your child and say "Damn, this is the ugliest thing I've seen! Honey did you have surgery?" Have your baby, they are miracles. Enjoy your life, he thinks you're beautiful. Now you must think it for yourself.

Answer 6

Tell him if he truly loves you it wont matter.

As to how the baby will look. I used to know a couple that to look at them it would turn you stomach (that's not a joke). Their daughter could have been a model.

I would be more worried about your obsession with looks and how you would react to a less than perfect baby. Talk it over with him. Maybe he saw and fell in love with the real you.

I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

I wish you the best of luck though I don't think you'll need it.

Answer 7

Hi Arianna. If you and your husband cannot be totally honest with each other, your relationship will not last. Tell him before any baby is involved. If he loves you ... he loves you. If he doesn't ... he doesn't. If he doesn't, why would you want to stay with him? Why would you subject a baby to that reality?

Best wishes and good luck.

P.S. do you love him? or are you just 'in need of him'?

P.P.S If you two do have a baby, the baby will also have your husband's genes. The baby will be lovely.

Answer 8

sweetheart, this man doesnt love you because of your looks he loves you becaus you are you. Your looks may have helped lead him to you, but he married you because of your personality and because of what you are on the inside. If both of you want a baby then do it!! And if you do, then i PROMISE you that your baby will be the most beautiful precious thing that both of you have ever seen. And besides the baby will have both of your genes and if hes good looking then theres a good chance that the baby will be too. good luck

Answer 9

stop focusing on your own insecurities. i believe that all creation of God are beautiful. you are already beautiful in your own way. and i believe that the baby you are going to have is also beautiful.

maybe the best thing that you have to do is communicate honestly with your husband. tell him your fear and yes, tell him about your surgeries. if he'll accept you, that only means to say that he loves you more your physical outlook. but if not, there are other guys out there who are willing to accept you the way you are.

Answer 10

You need to be honest. Lets hope he won't be so shallow as to only worry about looks. Anyway, your child may not even look like you. I think you rely too much on what's on the outside. Looks fade, and what's in the heart lasts forever !