What's it called when someone scared of being rejected rejects someone before that person can reject them?

Question

Psychological theories, etc?

Answer 1

There are technical names for it, I am sure, but boiling it all down to its lowest common denominator, I would call it a "pre-emptive strike".
It is an easy thing to do when you are feeling vulnerable, frightened and insecure. That is a "reason" but it is not an "excuse". It may well be an easy thing to do, but it is definitely NOT a good thing to do.

Nobody wants to expose themselves to the negative aspects of life, but sometimes we need to do just that - for our own good.
I knew a woman who tried to protect her infant son from everything. He was never allowed out to play and if he touched anything even remotely questionable she would run for the alcohol wipes and clean his hands. When he reached the age where he was required by law to go out to school ("Home Schooling" was not an option in those days.), he caught EVERYTHING that came around! That kid was ALWAYS sick with something! Of course, the overprotective mother saw it as the ultimate justification for her smothering obsession. Rather than the justificatin for her overprotection, though, his vulnerability to illness was REALLY the RESULT of it.
HOW? WHY?
Because he was totally sheltered from these problems at the time in his life when he was supposed to be developing his natural immunities to them, he never DID develop those necessary immunities.

I believe we can be happier and healthier if we develop some psycho/emotional immunities, too. Even though it was not an intentional action or choice on my part, I believe that is what turned me from a miserable lonely introvert to someone who greatly enjoys life and is liked and respected within every group I connect to.

Rejectring first in order to avoid rejection creates the ultimate "Catch 22".
While I am in NO way suggesting that you - or anyone, for that matter - become a total doormat and go out of your way to invite possible rejection, I AM suggesting that you face your fear and evaluate potential relationships with realistic common sense.
If the guy is a jerk, by all means, reject him BECAUSE he's a jerk. If a potential relationship offers too many problems and not enough rewards to balance them out, then reject it for THAT reason. But if it DOES offer more positive than negative potential, GO AFTER IT!
If it doesn't pan out and you DO get rejected, accept it as a learning experience and figure out WHAT went wrong. What can you do differently to make the potential relationship blossom into a real one next time?

It is difficult to expose one's self to rejection and then bear up under it if it does happen. It is a somewhat trite cliche that "Anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but, to an extent, it is true.
In any case, when you finally DO find that one right relationship, the rewards are worth everything you had to go through to get to it - and then some!

Answer 2

There is a form of social phobia commonly called fear of rejection which can cause a reaction like this... Fundamentally it's low self-esteem though.

Answer 3

Fear of rejection.

Answer 4

Ciao bella!

It's called "projection".