what would u do if your husband called u this?

Question

heres the thing i have been susupecting my hubby has been lying to me alot lately about where he says hes going and were he actually goes. so i started watching his pay-check stubs to see if he was actually at work as long as he says he is, now he says he is working 10 hours days 4 days a week and then he goes in on friday for extra overtime. but in the last 4 months there were 3 weeks that he didnt reach his 40 hours but was going for those 4 10 hour days and then he says he was "working that friday. so last night i comfronted him about it i said if u r working 40 plus hours a week how come 3 weeks in the last 4 months u didnt reach your 40 hurs. well, thats when he admitted that one day he did leave work early and went a played video games at a friends house. but he doesnt know why those other weeks he didnt reach his 40 hour mark. well, like i said i confronted him and he got very defensive about it and said i dont have to tell u when i leave work early and what i am doing,

and i said well condsidering that i am setting at home with your 2 kids, my step-kids i think i have a right t know, where u go and what u r doing, well thats when he really mad and called me a whoe and told me to get the f##k out and that he doesnt love me. should i be mad? i have a feelng that there is something going on, but he swears that here isnt. plus in the last 2 months one night he wa=ent out and was goune until 4 in the moring and another time he went out and didnt come home until noon the next day, he says h passed out at a friends house. i dont know what to do or what to think. any advice on what u think is going on. i know this is alot to take in. i am confused and dont know what to do. also last night about 10:30 i needed to go up-town to get a pack on cigs, is about 8 blocks from our house and he took the car kes and told me t=to walk andthat i couldnt drive he his my car keys and made me alk with r baby.

Answer 1

I would tell him that whatever he is doing is effecting us both. He may think it's his time, but when two people are in a relationship together, your time becomes "OUR" time. He needs to own up to whatever it is he's doing for this relationship to work.

Answer 2

~ First thing- Make a copy of the car keys and don't let him know about them, Hide them somewhere. (maby outside somewhere or with a trusted neighbor)
So if he does take your keys again you can just get your other ones and leave.

Also to fix the working over-time problem
(I also had to do this myself)
If you only have one car- Tell him you will be taking him to work everyday and picking him up. (but make sure he thinks it's because you have other things to do...take kids to park, to classes, to their friends ect... otherwise this will not work)
Tell him it's either he takes you to the places you need to go during the day, or you take the car, or he can buy a second car or pay for the cab.
Also kindly remind him that if anything should happen to you or the kids, and you don't have the car to take them to the doctors or hospital he will have to pay for the cab or the ambulance because by the time he leaves from work or if you have a hard time getting a hold of him it might be to late if there is an emergency.
I also was confused about my husbands paychecks,
And I went to him calmly and asked him to sit down with me to explain "Honey, I am stumped on this, will you help me understand, I think your work is underpaying you for all the hard work that you do" and he sat down with me and I realized I was wrong for accusing him on a affair. Sometimes if it is late in the pay period the hours will be carried over to the next pay period.
Also I was having a hard time with my hubby telling me what he is doing, However I have learned to not pester him about it.
I have told him that "it would be nice to know what he is doing" and look him in the eyes and told him "but it's ok if you don't tell me because I trust you.(even if you don't because if he really is up to no good if he has a heart that will eat at him)
However, Also tell him that if he is out very late to call you so that you won't worry about him.
This is what I did do also... If he doesn't call you to let you know that he will be out late. When he gets home tell him you were very worried and you thought something might have happened to him so you called his family, friends, police, and the hospital to find out if he got hurt or something.
(I really did do that sometimes)
But if he thinks you will be worried then chances are he will start to let you know of most of the things he's doing out of respect to you. and plus he won't want you calling everyone he knows to find out what's up!
But remember DON'T yell at him, Tears will hurt him more and be very quite, still talk but not as much.
and if this does not work then you two need to sit down and talk about other options. And remember always talk when everything has calmed down and keep your cool.

Let me know how this goes....

Answer 3

If the man LOVES you; he will not EVER say such a thing; more so....he would never even think it in the first place.

Its not about being whipped or whooped ( however its spelled ).......ITS about equal ACCOUNTABILITY, so as to prevent a fear rising up inside your loved one unecessarily. I would not ever behave in this manner towards my spouse if my spouse actually loved me. But, that doesnt matter. The point is....if your husband or wife LOVES YOU; they will make themselves ACCOUNTABLE at all times for ONE REASON ONLY....BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU, and respect and care if youre hurting.

God Bless You,
I would follow him if I were you. I see it as OPEN SEASON now, since he boldly, arrogantly and hurtfully announced that "he doesnt have to tell you where he goes:...."
Hurt feelings can be mended by time and leaving the hurtful situation......an INCURABLE DISEASE CANNOT. You should follow him, or have someone you trust do so. Maybe even hire a detective; someone who can bring you back some photo's.....then slap them down and say "Perhaps you might want to get yourself a lawyer hubby!"
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR INFIDELITY....DO NOT ALLOW IT. If you continue to let him get away with treating you like the way he did when you confronted him; I promise you....you have a 98% chance that he will continue to do so; bc he will feel firmly that you will tolerate it in the name of "saving your marriage": I do not think you should let him view you this WEAK, EVER! Please be strong honey, you know....most ppl hate dr. Phil...but he has some great tips for marriage, and marital problems. What your husband did is known as "A Deal Breaker"....he will continue to do what he can get away with......what it all boils down to is this; if he loved you and even remotely feared losing you; then this would not be going on.

Do not make the mistake of thinking for a single minute that you will not be able to live without him.....all moments in your life preceding this marriage where OKAY without him; you were fine before him; you'll be better AFTER he's gone.
Wake his butt up!

Answer 4

Men always get defensive when they do something wrong and they know that they have been caught. I don't see you as doing anything wrong. if i was in your shoes i would be asking a hell of alot of questions. have you ever drove by his work like on the Friday that he says that hes doing overtime if not i would try that. see if his vehicle is there. go past the friends house that he is supposedly playing video games with if hes not at the office, that way if he ain't there either and when you ask him where he was he cant give you that excuse that he was at that friends house. Hes doing something he is hiding and lying to much.

Answer 5

It sounds as if he still feels as if he is single and not a married man with responsibilities, a family and a wife. Your husband needs to grow up. He also needs to find out that being married means sharing and that he are right to want to know where he is at all times. You should probably see if counseling would help the two of you and if he's willing to work at making your marriage equal and fair and something you both are happy in. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

HELL YEAH you should be mad! My husband would NEVER call me a name like that, or any other!! Nor would I put up with him if he did!

Get yourself into counseling and figure out why you think so little of yourself that you are willing to take that kind of treatment. You are worth more than that. Then, get the means to be independent, if you have to, so that you don't have to put up with his crap for economic reasons. Staying with someone should be a choice, not a necessity. Contact your local community college - they can help you find funding, child care, etc., so that you can get an education and get a good job so that you can take care of yourself. Then, tell this piece of sh*t to either get his act together - go to counseling with you, live up to his responsibilities, be honest with you and his employer, etc., and act like a man worthy of you, or he can just hit the road. If he decides to continue his low-life ways, it will be no biggie, because you will have learned and earned the means to care for yourself and your child (not HIS kids - may sound harsh, but they're HIS responsibility! Make him shoulder his share of the load!). You can - and should - hold out for a MAN (not a little boy in a man's shoes) who can see you for the prize you are and treat you accordingly.

I really feel for you - I know how bad this hurts and how reluctant you are to recognize what's going on (if you really listen to what that little voice is telling you, you already know he's stepping out on you - you're just in denial right now), but nothing is going to change until you decide you are worthy of better. And you are! Work on knowing it, yourself.

Godbless and good luck - e-mail me through my profile if you ever need a "pep talk" or someone to listen. I am willing.

Hope this helps.

Answer 7

He is doing something he obviously doesn't want you to know about....it may not necessarily be another woman; he went on the defense because he knows he was caught being bad and he's wrong, out of respect to you, his wife, he should be letting you know when he leaves work early or where he is going or where he will be. He isn't respecting you as a person or as his equal! Reading your post, indicates his lack of respect for anyone, but himself (& he has no respect for himself) and lacks a sense of responsibility....in a nutshell, HE IS AN ***! Girlfriend, sounds like he is using you as a welcome mat. I hope you are at least working or have your own financial means to be able to take care of yourself because there could come a time when you will have to take a stand for your own sanity and leave him. Being on your own and by yourself isn't so bad once you adjust to being alone....I was married for 23 years, we got divorced in 2002 (he was cheating & was emotionally abusive) and have been on my own ever since; I choose to be alone right now because I don't want to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons with a man who could quite possibly be MR WRONG....good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 8

Lets put it another way what if the shoe was on the other foot and he started to watch your every move how would you feel. Although you were doing nothing wrong how would you feel if he asked you where you have been and you said ho I've been round a friends house.(Suspicion is a very dangerous game to play.) If you are truthful with each other then there is nothing to worry about. You must trust him until you know for certainty that he is doing wrong. get you fact's right before accusing him and make absolutely that you are right and then confront him.
AGONY UNCLE

Answer 9

Should you be mad? Hell yes you should be mad, he is calling you names and lying to you. I'm not one that necessarily thinks you have to know where someone is every minute of the day, but when you say your at work and your not, there is a problem there. You two need to sit down and talk and figure out what is going on in your relationship. If he's not willing to do that, then tell him to hit the road!

Answer 10

I'm not sure of what your tone was like with your husband, that he feels the need to sneak around and play video games. Are you that overbearing that he feels he can't have some time to hang out with a friend? Ask him if he feels if you are so overbearing...maybe he won't have to lie about it.

Leaving work early (is this something his career or job allows?) Playing video games can't be so addicting to jepordize a job over. Tell him that you don't mind him going to a pal's house, but to jepordize his job/career is something that will be inflicting you, thus is your business.

Answer 11

Main issue? Lack of communication. I have always believed that if you go looking for something you will always find it. When you 'confront' someone about it - they will always side on the defensive because they are 'caught'. You need to sit down with this man and have a real heart-to-heart. Don't accuse, but open dialog can possible help your relationship. Both of you need to know that each is being truthful and honest and care enough about each other that the turth is going to rule no matter what.