My boyfriend of 1 year is a great guy. The problem is that when we go to his parents house (cookout, birthday celebration) 9 times out of 10 he will go in the house (we are usually outside) and either watch tv, play solitaire on the computer or take a nap. He leaves me out there with his family and I think it's extremely rude. Am I being overly sensitive or do I have a legitimate grip??
2007-05-01 03:13:42 · 37 answers · asked by sunny 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you have a legitimate grip. I can not imagine leaving my significant other by themselves at any gathering. It has happened to me before but I talked to my partner and expressed my feelings and it stopped. Maybe ask him to think how he would feel if the roles were reversed. Unfortunately proper etiquette for parties or other gatherings is going the way of the dodo. I am old enough to remember when you went somewhere as a couple...you socialized as a couple.
2007-05-01 03:23:01 · answer #1 · answered by jtcurry58 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 5 years almost. I am learning to deal with the same problem. Sometimes I catch myself following him around at my in-laws home. Some places are more comfortable than others. Your boyfriend feels comfortable in his surroundings. He assumes you do as well. Your relationship will work out alot more smoothly if you both just compromise. Let him know who's house you would rather him NOT walk off and leave you. Even remind him before you go in his relative's home. But, you need to pick a few places that you CAN allow him to just be himself. A few people's houses that you don't mind mingling with if he wants to veg out. In your defense.....when my husband takes a nap somewhere, that's when I draw the line. I let him know, either you wake up and visit, or we are leaving. Hope I helped......
2007-05-01 03:26:55 · answer #2 · answered by Bindy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may be the normal routine for him at family functions.
If it really bothers you letting him know that you would love to spend some more time with him while at his parents house and if he decides to go in by himself then perhaps just go inside with him and ask if he is ready to leave.
This may just be his way of escaping an uncomfortable situation that at this moment you do not know about yet.
Does his family find this odd? If not then guess what...they are used to it because it is his normal behavior.
If this is truly a problem for you and a deal breaker then at least you are finding out only 1 year into the relationship and not dealing with it in 10 years.
2007-05-01 03:22:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not crazy, that is rude. Their are ruder things that could be going on, but yes, it is rude.
Though, you probably have been to family functions with him before, and you've kinda seen this pattern unfolding, and you are probably fine with his family, these are not valid reasons for not staying where the festivities are.
If it bothers you that much though, i suggest you take seprate transportation, so that when he goes into the house, (to prove a point) leave, then when he askes what was wrong. reply, hey you left, you found something else to do, so did i.
Or just tell him flat out if he's gonna continue to do that, he'll be going on his own.
2007-05-01 03:22:00 · answer #4 · answered by Bianca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll be perfectly honest here.
I was scared to death to meet my husband's (then boyfriend's) family & go to their get togethers. We'd been friends for a while, but we actually hadn't met either family during our friendship. But we were friends when he dated other girls & being close friends, he would tell me how the girls would get mad because he would just basically leave them somewhere & go do his own thing. He never had any interest in staying with them in those settings.
That said, he also admitted to not really caring about them in a way he should. With me, he has never left my side once in the over a year we've been together. I've never pointed this out to him, I've never asked him to stay with me. He just always has.
I personally don't think it's a good sign that he is taking you to his family & basically neglecting you. Try to talk to him, tell him it hurts you, & go from there.
2007-05-01 05:12:24 · answer #5 · answered by layla983 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Geez, you are with a loser. You have a legit grip, but get rid of him. He has no regards to your feelings. Better yet, you go play on the computer or take a nap with him and see what happens.
2007-05-01 03:17:31 · answer #6 · answered by Jen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The good news is he feels comfortable to leave you alone with his family. It allows you to get to know them on a one on one basis. Relax and enjoy the opportunity to ask his Mom question he would be embarrassed if he were there. If you still are uncomfortable, have a talk with him before you both head over there.
2007-05-01 03:26:29 · answer #7 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds maybe inexperienced at dating and hasn't learned not to ditch you. As a fellow male, he probably figures he's hooked you up with his family and you're fine. I bet if you tell him this bugs you he'll be surprised. He's just doing what he does when he goes home. Next time you could go with him rather than let him strand you in in law land!
2007-05-01 03:19:44 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes that is really rude, u are his guest and should be treated like one. U need to talk to him about bein rude like that. Maybe his other girlfriends excepted but not u. And if he keeps doin it dont go over there as much anymore or do the same to him and see how he likes it.
2007-05-01 03:17:53 · answer #9 · answered by gurllucky7 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it were me, tell him how i feel about this... "i feel neglected, i feel abandoned when you disappear while we are at your parents' house..."
he probably feels comfortable over there, so just goes off and does his own thing.
even if you get along well with his family, you're not being overly sensitive. if you tell him, at least he will know how you feel.
if it continues, then you will have to make a choice -- go and be abandoned, or do something else with your time...
take care.
2007-05-01 03:19:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋