My girlfriend married another guy, the whole thing was just devastating, I am in an utter depression, just feel so sad. We were together 3 years, "brokeup" and she married another guy that she had been "dating" for 6 months. he proposed to her and she accepted. She knows I am doing bad, feeling depressed, just devastated.
She has been married for 2 months and has emailed my parents (dad,mom) MANY TIMES and STILL tries to justify her decision. Says things like "I never thought your son would do it. I never thought he could feel that way about me. I had so much going on and made the best decision for me at the time." Even said, "I cant get divorced, husband hasnt given me reason to." She also sent like 2 4 page emails, trying to justify why she married someone else. NEVER does she mention the word love or loving this guy. She says that she wants me to be happy, and to accept this. Does she really want this? Why does she contact them SO MUCH?What should I do? I still love her so much.
2007-05-01 02:15:35 · 16 answers · asked by horace2311 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We had talked about marriage, and I feel 100% ready to marry her. The SAD part of this that I couldnt mention (word limitations) is that I asked her to marry me a few weeks before this guy asked her and she told me she was already engaged. So, in the BOTTOM of my heart, I felt ready to marry her, I wasnt' ready before, but I was/am now. This is why this is so sad and why I still love her so much.
2007-05-01 03:22:00 · update #1
Listen, You have to let go. I know it hurts but it's not the end of the world. It looks as if she is trying to make sure that no one is mad at her for her decision. You parents for example. If you don't have them cut off the commiuncation with her so you can move on, you will never get over it. I would send her an e-mail and ask her not to contact you or your family due to the feelings that still remain. Tell if she does you will have to contact her husband. She made the decision to marry. She may not like the guy or even love him but she made the decision. Sounds to me it was pretty dumb but some women do it anyways thinking they are running out of time. Plus you don't know how she feels truely. I mean she could be leading you on thinking well if the marraige doesn't work i'll just jump back onto the saddle with my ex. She's making you feel bad. Bend down and grab hold of some- cause if you don't she's going to stick that knife in again, and again. Alone with twisting it, she will keep you in this state! I was married for 10yrs and i felt the same way, but i had no other choice, you still have your pride somewhere and you need to pull it out and forget about her. Find you a new gal. I found one much younger and more attractive just to sling it in her face. It was funny. Then she will see how much more better you are doing.
2007-05-01 02:29:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she desperately wanted to be married and you weren't ready for that yet. So she found someone who would marry her. She's feeling guilty about hurting you, she recognizes she should have waited for you and she' trying, like you said, to justify her actions hoping for some kind of forgiveness.
You don't say if you've responded to any of her communications. You may want to email her telling her she's forgiven (regardless of how you actually feel) and ask her to stop contacting you. Let her know what she did hurt you deeply and every time she contacts you or your parents she hurts you again. Tell her you're trying to move on with your life and you can't do that if she's constantly staying in touch. Wish her a happy life and show your parents how to block her future emails. Eventually you'll be able to move forward and find the person who is right for you. But you need to end this situation in order to do that.
2007-05-01 02:31:02 · answer #2 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she figured out she loved you to late. Another man came alone right as you were breaking up and she was a sitting duck he charmed her which is easy to do when your heart is broke. Now she stuck in a married and realizes that she doesn't love him she loves you. Well to you I would say get yourself together and let her go. If it was meant to be it will be. But you can't have her if your down in the dumps in women want a man who depressed. And if you want the email to stop right her a letter saying you are happy for her and that's all you wanted for her. and let her know that you are doing well too. Don't include anything like love talk. Keep it straight to the point.
2007-05-01 02:32:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Deep down she regrets leaving you. But marraige was more important to her and you were not ready for it. That was your call, live by your decision. Go by no contact at this point. Do not care what she is doing do not seek information on her. Tell her straight up to stop contacting your parents. They are not part of her life now. Conentrate on your self now. Do not get a girlfriend, it will mess you up more. One night stands are ok though. Go to couseling or immerse your self in your hobbies. Take up a new hobby. One of the strongest things that can help you are the bonds you create with you male friends. Hang out with them. Do stuff together. The pain will fade in time. And the best revenge you can get on your ex is to live your life as happy and as fulfilling as you can.
2007-05-01 02:37:10 · answer #4 · answered by Shootsscores 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She keeps contacting you because you let her.
She made a decision to get married and she has to stand by that.
You may love her, but she obviously does not love you. Her continual emails are just her attempt to feel good about a bad decision. It has NOTHING to do with YOU.
It's all about making herself feel better. Do not mistake her contacting you and your family and friends for her wanting to get back together. And do NOT think for one minute that just because she doesn't say she loves this guy, that she doesn't. She may not say it because she's trying to be sensitive.
For whatever reason, she is looking for you to tell her what she did is okay. And since your feelings were hurt, it's NOT okay. And there is no reason why you should feel obligated to say that.
She is NOT interested in getting back together with you. So get that idea out of your head. It's all about making herself feel better.
My suggestion is this: Tell your family and friends to block her from their email lists. This is easy enough. She does not need to contact them.
Then, you need to send her an email and tell her that she can no longer contact you. She is now a married woman and it is not right for her to be corresponding with her ex boyfriend. Tell her that you need to get on with your life and you would appreciate her not contacting you in any way in the future.
Send the email, block her from your email list, cell phone, etc...
Then get on with your life.
She may have made a mistake, and you may still love her. But none of that matters. She is married. She needs to deal with that. And you allowing her to stay in contact with you is jeapordizing her marriage. Cut her off and move on.
2007-05-01 02:39:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you can expect depends on your course of action. I myself had a similar situation. Except I found out from one of her former friends that it was also of a sexual nature prior to our marriage. When I got home, I nicely told her that we needed to talk and that it was imperative to be honest. I asked her and she did confirm that she had been in contact with him but they were just friends and that prior to marriage they did have occasional sex. She assured me it was nothing more than that now. I politely asked her to break off the contact right then in front of me. She did again behind my back again a year later. This time I told her not to again and this time I called the guy explaining that were married, to please quit with the contact. Third time I caught her, I simply filed divorce papers, and we divorced. I guess the lesson here is, you can't make someone change unless they want to, but you also don't have to live your life wondering if she's betraying your trust.
2016-05-17 23:28:16 · answer #6 · answered by cleopatra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she enjoys contacting them because it makes her feel good about herself, knowing that you still love her. It's like she's got her husband who loves her and you too - and she's feeling on top of the world. Stop playing her game! Take the iniative and send her an email, letting her know that you are doing well. Then say something like, "Take care and best of luck to you." That way she will know you don't wish to continue emailing - and if she keeps sending stuff, block her or just ignore it. She is trying to cause trouble and she's doing a good job. Move on with your life.
2007-05-01 02:30:29 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She married a "rebound" relationship, and has her doubts. By emailing your parents and telling them the things wrong with you and why your relationship didn't work out, she is trying to get validation from you parents. "Yes dear, you were right to leave our son, and yes you did right by marrying this guy". that sort of thing. Until, she either falls in love with this guy, or YOU move on and find another women, your ex girlfriend will continue to test the waters, to see if she made the correct choice.
2007-05-01 02:27:35 · answer #8 · answered by auditor4u2007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she wants her cake and to be able to eat it too, as the old saying goes.
Tell her you are fine with her decision and it is time for both of you to move on with your respective lives.
Have your family tell her the same.
Then DO move on with your life. Get out, take classes, find a hobby, do some volunteer work.
One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given years ago is that the whole idea that in this entire world there is only one other "right" person for each of us. There are many potentially "right" people. It is a matter of meeting them at the time that is right for both parties and deciding with ONE of those people you are BOTH ready to build a life together.
That did not happen with you and the ex. She made her choice and now it is time for both of you to move on with your lives.
2007-05-01 02:23:24 · answer #9 · answered by CountryLady 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like she married the other guy for revenge against you, not love.
As she has made a bad choice, the best thing your parents (and you) say you wish her well, then block any further e-mails from her and move on.
If she really loves you more than him, she will contact you, at which point, don't settle..tell her point blank...it is him or me. It is not right for her to use this guy a her "shield".
2007-05-01 02:27:23 · answer #10 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋