can 1 parent take the role of 2?

Question

i have been married for 10 years and all along i have been the working parent,the sports enthusist,the school work inforcer,the disiplinarian,dentist ,doctors,bathing even vacationing solo w/the kids.my 9 year old recently had an evening questioning why his father doesnt/wont be there.all along i thought i could be both and stay with him for their sake? was i wrong all along?

Answer 1

Not entirely, but your husband is setting a bad example of what a father's role is. Sometimes 2 parents are better than one, as far as maintaining discipline and financial security. But when one is not actively involved in the act of raising the kids, like I said, it isn't the best example. You must weigh both side of this. Pros and cons. But also keep in mind that the teenage years are very difficult ones and that may be when you need a 2nd parent around the most. Stay with him IF you think he would be a help then. If you think not, reevaluate why you are there and if it is really worth it. Do you have someone---counselor/clergy--that you could talk this over with????

Answer 2

No I dont believe so. I also dont believe every kid needs both parents either. But that would mean you stepping up a being a strong mother and woman and a good example to eithr child whether male or female. This is a hard task but women have been doing it for years. Now if you prefer to stay with your husband, thats great, but you will have to realize that it will probably never change. And no one parent cannot be two. You can never teach your children the importance of family in a two parent home or you cant teach your son how to be a man, and so forth. But you can be strong and just be an overall good example. I hope it makes since. I am having a hard time explaining myself this early in the morning!

Answer 3

One parent can take the role of two parents. I did it for years with my 3 children and it was hard but only because of my ex. He did not know how to be a father to my children. I was the one who took on the full responsibility of being the father and the mother. My ex did not have much of a father when he was a child. His dad was an alcoholic and his mother raised him and I did the same thing. We did end up divorced after the children were grown. Afterall, what did I need him for expect for the money when he paid the bills. I had wished many times that I had worked and we could have divorced when my children were small. I actually did not get much out of the marriage. My son, who is now 34, had come to me when he was a teenager, had told me that I was the one who raised him.

Answer 4

You don't mention what your hubby does in all this? Does he own a business? Is he fairly high on the Corp. ladder & spends excess time at work? Or is he an alcoholic in a bar all day? How did you answer your son?

To answer your question, however...yes...people do this all the time...it's called single-parenting...some even do this by choice. You are not your child's only means of learning & experiencing, nor is a Father figure, not even if a combined force...You are simply a beginning and a steadfast rock to look for when one loses direction while they accomplish their own agenda here. The goal of parenting is to provide a new human being with the tools to make the wisest decisions possible in their lifetime...do you not imagine yourself capable of such? Of course you are! You also have the power to change your relationship with hubby or to move on otherwise...See???

Answer 5

My guess is that you made a choice to do it all...dont blame dad. I did too but I had peace about it because I am type A and I knew I couldnt let go and allow things to be "sloppy". Over time, I had gf point out that I was going to exhaust myself and cause my husband to be resentful (its very righteous to do it ALL and do it all RIGHT, even if its for all the right reasons). If your husband/partner did actually participate could you give them the space they need to do it their way? what if he just plain old missed an appt that was scheduled? when we spin and do so many things all at once we create a whirling derbish that is almost impossible to help---so even if your husband wanted to help chances are pretty good he wouldnt beable to figure o ut where to jump in. As for the roles...we take on hundreds of them before we die...so that is not the issue. Its about personality and respect. I cant complain that my husband never takes charge if never hand him the keys. Gary Smalley (author) has some wonderful literature on the 4 personality types that is ez to understand.....he also makes suggestions for how to round out your strengths and be more tolerant of others..... Say a prayer. (Oh God also wrote a book on parenting and marriage---you might want to check that out too).

Answer 6

Sorry to be the naysayer of the bunch, but yes, you can to do it on your own if you want to. I divorced my ex when my son was a baby because he had not time for interaction for either of us and when he did, he was nasty to both of us.

My son is now 13 and my ex has been a better father to our son now that we are divorced than he ever would had we been married because he appreciates having a good relationship with his son.

My ex was nasty and brutal for a year after the divorce, but as much as he bashed me, I always took the high road and did not bash back, but reminded him that although he and I were through, he still had a son that needed and loved him. He finally got a clue although it took a long time, but has been worth it in the long run. My son and his father now have a great relationship.

Answer 7

Well first of all it sounds like you've been doing an amazing job! I don't think the problem is that you're not enough or haven't been doing a great job, he's just recognizing his father's absence and how much you've been having to make up for him...he probably respects you more!

You mentioned that you thought you could "stay with him" for their sake....and you have ....but what role did he really have in it?....none...he's the one that benefited....a mother, babysitter, chef, maid, teacher.....and even a wife. You didn't elaborate, but just to give you something to think about.....you've already proven you can do it on your own....if you're having to put up with grief or emotional or mental stress, then it's going to be even easier by yourself....except for the fact that your kids will continue to miss out. But don't blame yourself for his absence. Many stay much longer than they should for the sake of the kids....but just watch out for that fine line when it brings you down too much to stay as strong as you have been!

Answer 8

Though you have been very good to your kids, performing 2 in one role(it's not an easy task). Your kids need fatherly love. The love of a mother and the love of a father may not the same. And maybe your kids can see it through his/her classmate. Having both parents attending during school activities. Your kids maybe curious what it likes to have a father or a so called family.

Answer 9

You can't. I'm a single mom. Daughter is with me 99.9% of the time. Still worships her dad though. Children need close role models of both sexes. Try signing him up for Big Brothers or some other mentoring program. Don't beat yourself up over it. You have done what you can. Kids aren't stupid they'll figure it out eventually.

Answer 10

Any woman who stays with a man for "the sake of the children" is out of her mind!
Children sense things...and know if something is wrong...as evidently is where your hubby is concerned.
You have played both rolls for so long you should be used to it. If you don't want to be with this man...don't use the kids as an excuse because you are afraid to be on your own.
If your hubby does not want to be involved with your children...that sux and you should kick his butt out.
There are lots of guys out there that would make a good loving step father for your children...yes, and love them and be part of their lives. Find someone who loves you and your kids too.
dump that pile of crap who does not care for his kids.

be cool...