How do I manage a married man who has become very close to me and we both know we're attracted?

Question

It has been a week since it became apparent that we are attracted to each other. We have been super sweet and endearing towards each other. He is uber sweet. This morning, he told me " Someday I would lie beside you, watch u wake up and hear you say good morning". I've been bothered because he is married at 46 with kids and Im 29 neveer been married, no kids and just broke up with a boyfriend of 2 years. I told him while its too early to say anything ant us, i worreis me because i know if we get deeper than how we already are, i am bound to get hurt. He told me not to think much about what he said. I know it is wrong to even be with him. But when I tried not to respond to his sms's and calls, it was just difficult. I dont think I can let time pass without being with him-- even if i know it may be temporary... but its wrong... how should i approach this dillema? What positioning should i take? Im falling and i know it. With him i am secure about myself. I just know its him.

Answer 1

Run for the bloody hills! He is at that awful stage in a mans life where its all about him.
If he is serious about you, he will let you go, he will sort himself out and he will not contact you again until he is no longer tied down with other responsibilties.
Do you want to be with a man who would risk so much to be with you? Whos to say he wouldnt do it to you a few years down the track. Do not believe him when he says he will leave his wife - until he does that.
Im sure you are a nice person and Im sure you deserve better than to be 2nd best to anyone. He may be a lovely man, but he doesnt sound very honourable to say those things to you whilst being married.
Like I said Run for the Hills Darling!

Answer 2

Let me just say that he is attracted to you because you are a younger, most likely attractive, woman. He's already been through the major steps in life--i.e. marriage, kids, etc. You have not. He wants to go back in time and he is using you to do it. Don't be stupid. Think about what it is that you really want. You are 29, do you want to be married? Do you want children? Do you want a man that has baggage? Do you want to deal with his ex-wife or his kids? You are putting yourself in the line of fire, hun, and you said yourself that you know it is wrong. Listen to that instinct. You are most likely a fling for him, a distraction from his more complicated life. A way to get away. He is playing you. Don't let him do that to you. Also, think about how you would feel if you were his wife. If you married him, loved him, had his children and he still cheated on you with a younger, more attractive woman. Think of how much time you would have wasted on him, just because he showed you some attention. Be a better person than that. Demand a better relationship than that. Be strong and the right man will come along someday. You don't need him or all the strings he has to entangle you in.

Answer 3

Hi i'm in love with a married woman. I know personally that she is in a bad marriage. She stays with him because she is commited to "The VOWS" they took. I too have tried to stop thinking about her and find someone else. But for me, I don't want anyone else. I know she is the woman that I could be happy with . She has kids and feels that it would hurt the kids if she left. She is still blinded by "THE VOWS" and her being a failure with her marriage going south. I think she will snap out of it and see that the kids are important in this scenerio and that them having a great step father and a dad that spoils them on weekends would be better for them and her and make the move toward a better life for her and her kids. I just hope it will involve me. Everyone says run and leave him alone but they don't know the whole story. Some people just marry the wrong person and have a hard time admitting it! Good luck!

Answer 4

You are looking for a crutch because of your recent breakup. Just remind yourself how awful that feels and do you want to subject another woman, with children no less, to that kind of pain when you don't have to. Not to mention the pain it will cause the kids. You know it's wrong to get involved, so don't get involved. It will end badly for everyone. He's a dog to even approach the subject with you. He doesn't value you as a person, he just sees an easy target. Be the strong woman you are and tell him to back off. Don't respond to him anymore. This is a big game for him, but he's playing with your life, his wife's life, and his children's future. He's a selfish, selfish person and you don't need men in your life like him.

Answer 5

He's a married man and he won't leave his wife. He's sweet talking you, so he can have you on the side.

If you pursue this, you will get hurt and so will alot of other people. Surely you don't want to come between a husband and wife? How would you deal with it if she ever found out and came looking for you? There's too many danger signs here...go find a nice single guy.

Answer 6

I can SO sympathise. I am at the opposite end of the telescope to you but unlike your situation neither of us want to "get deeper" although I am utterly devoted to her well being and think of her always. I know she likes me but she doesn't really understand why she means so much to me. I am a puzzle to her. Nor do I really - I met her briefly for the first time late last year and she left almost immediately for a foreign tripr. She has come back and I have a very deep almost painful love for her.

But I warn you that if you get deeper with him not just you will get hurt - but so will his wife and children and so will he. He is obviously trying to have a physical relationship with you and you are vulnerable having "just broken up" with a boyfriend of 2 years. I am also suspicious of a man who tells you he would like to be your lover and then says "don't think about it too much"!!! Of course you will but if he is that insensitive will he then also tell you the same after you have made love for the first time?? I never approach the girl I love in that way because she needs her space and *real* love does not require posession. I imagine if you met *anyone* right now who was kind to you for a week or two then you could be persuaded to love them because your heart is empty as you have suffered a loss. As for this man please be very careful. You are young and probably a lot younger than his wife. You will flatter him by listening to his "wisdom", gifted by those extra 17 years experience he has on you. He will feel happy that a young intelligent girl is treating him like a friend. Now here is the crunch question to you. Would you be prepared to have him as a close friend and nothing more? Would you even consider that one day you might be a friend to his wife and children? Because if the answer is no then get out and leave it alone before you see your world fall apart. If he loves you he would be happy to have you as a close friend. If he wants more of you then he is willing to betray his wife and if he is willing to betray her, to whom he has made marriage vows, then sure as God made little green apples he would not hesitate to betray you. Does his wife know? Mine does and she thinks I am slightly mad but she at least talks about my friend and we remain as close as we were before I met her. Does this help?

Answer 7

Reality check! The man is married, he has a wife, he made a commitment to this women. Surely, you do not think you are so special that if he is not showing any value or respect to his wife or the vows and commitment he has made to her. That you will get anymore. Why would you allow him to use you to amuse himself and pleasure himself sexually. Then he goes home to his wife and does the same things with her. Grow a self esteem. And keep in mind, what goes around comes around. It is really going to suck when you are on the other end of the equation. God bless****

Answer 8

It is most likely go something like this:

1) Flirting, fun
2) Can't stop thinking about him, he is very sweet
3) "We couldn't help ourselves"
4) Start getting annoyed at the fact that he is going home to someone else
5) He seems a lot less sweet now
6) Now he just calls up for sex then rushes home again
7) Call it quits with "some" dignity still intact or keep this up for 20+ years

Sorry I know you want it to work.

Answer 9

I see a lot of pain and sorrow ahead for you if you follow through with this. It would be a selfish act. Could you possibly put yourself in this man's wife's shoes. A relationship like this usually leads to disaster. Also, if you think he is going to leave his wife for you, think again. Chances are very good he won't. Are you asking this question because you know this is wrong and your having feelings of guilt? I'm hoping your open to the advise given here and you do the right thing.

Answer 10

This guy is MARRIED and I repeat he is MARRIED. Someone that cheats on their wife will only cheat on you at some point. He is not going to leave his wife for you so please don't get caught up in his words to get into your pants.

You have to respect yourself and start by telling him, listen I like you and all but before I get any further involved with you, you need to be divorced. Call me when you get the divorce papers AND send me a copy of the divorce papers.

You also have to learn to be SECURE within yourself. No one can make you secure ONLY you can make yourself secure. This man is taking advantage of the fact that you just broke up with your BF and he is preying on your emotions.

Think of this man's children as they are the innocent victims here AND think of his wife as she is totally unaware of what her husband is doing to her.

How would you feel if your BF cheated on you? Except in a marriage everyone loses .....