My husband has commited adultry through constant porn web cam computer, says will get help, do I stay or go?

Question

He promises to attend sex addiction (church) self help group centered around the beatitudes (biblical growth) regular church attendance and also joint counceling with a geiuine Doctor physocogist. He says he loves me and wrote back to the porn star and said how he has hurt me and he was sorry and no longer will he be contacting her. Has gone to one meeting, self help, and is going to try an extra night self help this week, says it is not so much for me but for him, he is sick and is afraid he will do it again, does not trust himself. My question is, does he feel torn between this one favoriate porn queen and me or does he have mixed messages of love and why does he want to stay with me instead of her as he projects but shares how young beautiful and fun she can be, may even have almost the same package as me. Is he truly a total looser and should I stay or should I go now is my burning question? I am so fearful he will not go forward because he has been at this sinful addiction.

Answer 1

You mention the Church. Does the Church have total power over your marriage? Does the Church dictate terms and conditions of how a wife/husband should be? Does the Church decide that oral sex is bad and the only duty of a wife is to lay on her back and take it like a "woman"? Hey, I respect anyones belief in God, but when it iminges on a couples happiness based on what the head of your church says, then I wonder who really is in control. Your husband is probably torn between loving you, and getting his needs met sexually. A wife doesnt have a specific role...but in the eyes of the Church it seems to say differently. Why can't a wife enjoy sex just as much as her husband does? Why cant a Chirstian wife be a fox in the bedroom? Maybe it is a simple case that you are allowing your Christian beliefs to blind you to the fact that we are human beings with basic needs. Maybe your husband is being denied his basic needs in preference to what the "church" teaches. Only you can decide why he needs the stimulation of porn. Only you can decide if the teaching of the Church are coming between you and a happyn marriage. Not everything is black and white like the "church" teaches. We are not in the spiritual realm yet.....we live in the here and the now. God is a god of Love, he doesnt judge....he reads your heart. God is not an idiot, he knows we live in the real work and he will take that into considerarion. You know what I think? I think God is angry and His name being used to break up marriages. I think God is fed up with his name is being dirtied based in the opinions of spiritual " leaders" Maybe if you were a "real" wife to your husband he wiouldnt need the porn...but that can only happen if you open your mind and think outside the square you are living in. God gave us free will......maybe you need to take advantage of that and start to do your own thinking......take care..

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Should you or shouldn't you?? I couldn't tell you what to do but I can give you some advice on what if? if you stay there's a circumstances that he might stop connecting to that woman on Internet (porn website) by removing the computer and not touch it anymore or for a while. To go to church and cleanse himself will be hard because if his conscience is not willing nothing will happen. But if he goes to see a sex councilor this can help him little at a time,and with your guidance and support he can beat this. Cheating is a regular reality to most married men,whether we like it or not. It doesn't matter if he gets it from home or not but it will be their reason,why?
If you leave him because your fed up with him and no trust is there anymore, then he will not care about getting some help because he will think that his not harming anyone. And for you not to be there on his side will be his good reason to continued facing this porn woman. All that he can have is his satisfaction while paying this woman. This are some of the reason if you decide to stay or go. I wish you all the luck cause I know how you feel as a wife....

Answer 4

It actually sounds like he is taking some real steps to get rid of this "addiction". It is up to you whether you stick with him or not. I might suggest that you give it a chance if for no other reason than to help him right now. If you leave in the midst of him seeking help, he is much more likely to revert.

As to your relationship, I think you just have to really think about what you can accept and what you can not. Is the trust gone completely? Is there no way of him getting it back? Are you ever going to be able to be happy with him?

It's tough for us to answer these things. I will say that his approach sounds genuine and right though, and that's the FIRST time I've ever said that about this topic in Answers.

Answer 5

My advice is to seriously consider getting out of this relationship. I speak not only from personal experience having been married to a man like this, but also as a psychologist. True sexual addictions are somewhat rare, but your description suggests that your husband may, indeed, be addicted to this behavior. The prognosis for change is not good, even when a man is highly motivated to change his behavior. Why does he stay with you? Probably because part of him does care about you, but also because you give him a measure of social acceptability and help him to feel that he is not that different from other men. However, by staying with him, you also may be enabling his behavior and sticking with a relationship that can only cause you continued heartbreak. I wish you the best of luck regardless of whether you stay or go. Take care of YOURSELF!!

Answer 6

Sorry, last time I checked adultery required consensual sex between two persons of the opposite sex, one of whom was married but not to the party with whom he/she was having an adulterous relationship. Unless your husband found a way to crawl into the Cam Camera he was not committing adultery. Obviously he found it titillating to engage in video sex with these ladies and I'm sure besides hurting your feelings he was hurting the family pocket book. These ladies do not come cheap (no pun intended). Go for the counseling but I suggest you just sell his computer and buy some sexy undies with the money. Maybe you can again be his "star". Good luck.

Answer 7

You have him by the throat now. You only have to ask yourself, if you love him and you could never live without him. If your willing to spend the rest of your life together, even after what he did and may still do. This is all about the way you feel, not him

You can stand there with your arms folded and make that decision easily. Your the one in charge. He's the one that fell on his face. If your out of love, get a divorce. If you still love him, see if he could show you how much he loves you.

If he's ever going to cheat again, even if he's thinking about it, get that jerk out of your life. Good Luck

Answer 8

Most men tend to go to porn. Maybe you should try to spice things up in the bedroom. Leaving some one over a additicion is not some thing i would do. He hasn't met her. He isn't sleeping around he is going to a porn site for fun. Maybe some things the porn star says to him he likes to hear from you and you wont do it. Would you leave him if he got a disease like ms or something? You can't just leave some one who is sick and need help. You need to help him get over this addiction. Not throw away some thing because he wants a freak in sexual manners. I am not saying become this porn star for him. Read in between the lines, he wants some thing exciting. You can try to be some thing like it. Get his mind off this porn and refocused on to you.To break a addiction is to replace it with a good habit a acceptable one.
Help change this bad habit to a good one. It is porn star she doesn't give a crap about him. She is a money whore. You can only give him what he really needs. She is just filling him with fantasy. Help him redirect him to a good habit. Don't leave him because of this, you wont leave if he had cancer or some other illness. So he needs understanding and support from you and not some angry bitter woman who want him to change with help from others only. He needs you to hold his hand and walk him through to a new habit instead. If this is your only problem with him then he can change. You can help him change. Love is strong and bonded and If you truely love him you would stay for how ever long it takes to get him to change. He needs you more now! Don't let him go over this, it is not good! It means you can't handle it whenyou hit a pot hole in the road. When this is apot hole in the road in might become bigger if ignored. But if noticed it gets fixed. It may take a while but don't give in just yet. He wants to change, he just can't do it alone! You can help him through it. Give him some thing that would make his eyes glued to you.Don't throw this in his face. Let it go. And help him redirct himself back to you. Men tend to wonder some times and it is in their animal brain to do so. We woman need to take back what is ours. Don't let this one bad habit break apart a marriage.

Answer 9

if i were you i would go if he is doing porn on line web cam he knows what hes doing give the man credit hes not silly
he tells you he cant trust himself well that is enough said in his own words he a fool and so are you if you stay sorry to say that get out why you can

Answer 10

pfft. none of this makes your faith actual. loss of solutions shows a monotonous non appropriate question, no longer loss of an articulate answer. no person fairly cares, yet because you went there... courtroom records teach ct russell to be a fraudster. whilst asked to become attentive to 3 hebrew characters, he could no longer, even tho he in the past claimed he ought to. his spouse additionally mentioned he became into pedo. there have been 9 toddler intercourse abuse situations settled secretly in 2007 via the watchtower. i'm no longer even american, yet whilst i think of of unfastened speech there, i think of founding fathers, probable washington, and individuals like martin luthor king and malcolm x, keen to place their lives on the line for others. you present day the watchtower pursuing their very own interests. hitler could have replaced that 1st replace element. did the jws flow to end him? or have been you all working around asserting the sky is falling and a wolf attacked the sheep. yet now the youngsters of people who did arise and certain your 1st replace rights, you attempt to instruct into cripples too. shameful persecution? are you attempting to declare a monopoly on persecution? you be attentive to over one hundred 000 "actual" christians have been martyred interior the 1st 2 centuries after jesus? no longer lots room left for a fashionable anointed type. nyway, already given too lots time to this one.